Please help me I'm in a lot of pain.

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Hello,
I am 21 years old. I have been in a relationship with a woman who I now know has a borderline personality disorder. I was her first boyfriend. It started out very good. There were fights every now and then but I really loved her and I thought she loved me too. Now we had a fight about absolutely nothing but she kept making it escalate. I ended up having to say that I want to break up with her (because it was all very extreme). She told everyone lies about me and tried her best to make them hate me and she showed everyone the messages I wrote with her and talked about my feelings and that was really hurtful. She was destroying herself by spending too much money, cutting herself and taking drugs. I tried to help her but she hated me too much. The most painful thing is that I found out that she had sex with another man just one day after I broke up with her. I read all the messages and she was basically begging him for sex. It was so hurtfull.
She then realised that I was right about everything and was about to kill herself because she felt so guilty. I called an ambulance and we went to the psychiatric hospital together in the middle of the night and she will probably stay there for a while.
What should I do? I could just cut her out of my life, or I could give her a chance. I don't even know...
Thank you for reading this far, the more replies the better.

I would make a quick beeline away from this person. She's bad news. I understand you love her and all. I had the same experience. I loved a similar kind of person when I was even younger than you (we broke up when I was 20).

If I were you, I'd change my phone number, and make it unlisted. Even if she does call, IGNORE her. Ignore her Facebook messages (fortunately, there was no Facebook, no Internet, no nothing when I was 20--only the phone!). If she makes a definite threat of harm, ESPECIALLY if she threatens your life or someone associate with you, contact the police.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain now--but, perhaps, it will be wort it in the end. You got away from a potentially destructive person.

Study borderline personality disorder so that you can make an educated decision about whether or not to stay. Also, don't take her behavior personally. It is something that is bigger than you and her. I know from being borderline and dating women who are borderline. It hurts like hell to love someone who is self-destructive and does hurtful things to you seemingly without provocation. However, it is not your fault. All you are doing is trying to love the person. If anything blame the people who abused her (I'm assuming she was abused as a child because most people develop BPD as a result of being abused).

Don't think you have to break all contact with her, but your commitment to her ended when you found out she was having sex with other men. Sounds to me that her recent reconcileration with you will come to another end when she becomes bored again and moves into another relationship. This could go on and on for years and years if you keep maintaining a friendship with her. Do you want to put yourself through this?

only you can decide how much disruption you are willing to tolerate. you contributed by breaking up in the heat of the moment. this doesn't get her off the hook, but you aren't blameless. you should fight fair whether she does or not.

*sigh*

Wow?

You can't be in a relationship with this person. When dealing with crazy people, you find they are very difficult to get away from. You have to decide just what level you are willing to be involved with her.

If you are friends and wish to continue to be friends, AS A FRIEND you should take care of her, which I think you did as much you should have. If you remain friends, you will need to continue taking care of her and you will want to establish some kind of network of friends who can stick by close in order to monitor her self-destructive behavior.

If you love her much more than just a friend and you are committed to her, you MUST accept that this is the way it will be forever. There is no changing, no hoping for improvement. You will have to live with someone who will always be battling those self-destructive demons. Are you really strong enough to prop someone up without them weighing you down?

I've never dated anyone quite that deep into those behaviors, but I did date a girl whose issues affected me over a long period of time. The relationship took an abusive turn, I stuck around much longer than I should have, and eventually had to cut her loose for both our sakes. Met another girl not long after that who was pretty light on the self-harm, but these things often escalate. I helped her work through her issues, and we've been together 15 years. Every situation is different, every person out there is damaged one way or another?you just have to pick what you're prepared to deal with. The hardest part is not losing yourself in the middle of the storm; if you can be that solid rock, you might just save someone's life. If you can't do it, don't be a hero.

If I was in your shoes, i don't think I would be dating this person anymore. I would keep in contact on occasions that would not seem harmful to your mental and emotional health and definitely keep yourself physically safe. You also went with her to the psych hospital, you may want to make sure she gets her family and friends to visit her, if not make at least one visit yourself to make sure she is doing ok.

Is being a Drama b***h Cheater part of being borderline?

That amount of stuff is beyond 'oh I'm sorry, lets make up'. You should be spending an evening with a girlfriend at the movies, or a having dinner, not at a hospital.

Boo said:

Thanks for all the replies everyone! I realised I had to let her go, it was hard to make a rational decision whilst I was still blinded by love. I promised to visit her one time at the hospital she's at and then I'll move on from there.

You did everything you could do. Now, it's time for you to go and live your own life. Don't look back. If you're smart, you ought to stay away from relationships with the mentally ill because one of these days, you'll end up in jail, maimed or dead. Let her get the counseling she needs so she can live her life. You go ahead and live your own life apart from her. TRUST ME ON THIS!! !! I KNOW!! !!