The reality of long term relationships

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I dont post in about a month and now i've created 2 successive threads. Go me.

Anyway many of us have never had serious relationships but entertain hopes of having one in the near future. That said how many of us would actually be able to handle a relationship. I know that I focus on the positives but the negatives aren't encouraging at all.

for a few of us at least, it takes all our neurons and more.

I'll need to check to make sure I have any to spare

I need 'em if you do!

Been married for 22 years, so count me in.

Apparently I don't have enough either.

I honestly do not know if I'd be able to handle it or not, I'd like to think so....and maybe it just takes really finding the right person.

Hey, long-term-relationships are a LOT harder than dating. Because with dating, there is no need to assume exclusivity. A girl can go out with as many men as she wants, or a man can go out with as many women as he wants, and there's no need to assume that it will result in sex, subsequent dates, or any other obligations. Just go out and have a good time.

LTR? Oh no?because in a LTR people let their guard down. You see people how they act when they don't think anyone's looking. People get comfortable with each other and stop trying to impress each other. They start running their mouths and stop listening to each other, and what little gets through may not reflect the best in us. Disagreements turn into fights. And when you've invested so much of your time and life into it, you have to start over from square 1, date TONS more people just to find ONE more person who is into you enough to go long-term, and they STILL might end up dumping you a significant amount of time later. And you torture yourself with this year after year?

It doesn't HAVE to end up that way, but you can't EVER become complacent and expect a relationship to last. You can't EVER shift your focus to your own interests as long as someone else is intimately involved. If you can't handle that, you can't handle a LTR.

I've been in a LTR for 15 years now? So I'm not saying it can't work. I'm not saying people can't be happy together long-term. But it's so much freakin' WORK. Personally, I'm happy with the relational WORK. I find comforting someone in grief to be self-comforting. I find sharing in another person's joy to be a personally joyful experience. The joined-at-the-hip, can't-get-enough-of-each-other physical relationship is?well, AWESOME. The companionship, working towards common interests and goals? It's totally worth it.

I don't think many of us really understand what it takes, nor do I think we really want any of these things THAT badly. If we really did care and really were willing to put in the work 24/7, you'd have longer-lived relationships and the divorce rate would be low to nonexistent. It's just that other people aren't that important to us. We take vows at the marriage altar and forget them a week after the honeymoon, and we largely just take these vows because we can't have a preacher officiate the wedding in a nice church without them. They are purely symbolic and ultimately have no bearing on the relationship itself. I mean, why do we say we'd die for someone and then we throw them under the bus at the first sign of trouble?

People are stupid.

I say we THINK we want relationships, or we SAY we want them. What we REALLY want is an all-u-can-f@]{ buffet. If that's all our conceptions of relationships boil down to, we don't deserve them.

I've been living with my girlfriend two years now & things are good between us so I can handle it but it helps that she's on the spectrum too & we're both kinda needy, clingy & dependent.

you're so lucky

some people have all the luck

Yes, we are similar.

Disagree. I think the best LTRs are those where you expect it to last for life. If you go into it expecting it to end sooner or later, you have the wrong outlook, and you will probably end up in a divorce.



Work? Why? I find it easy. A good relationship should give you things, and not require a lot of work.



We should try to keep them instead of backstabbing each others. A relationship should not be an endless fight or power-game.

One day I will meet someone who will see past my appearance and tolerate my oddballness and meltdowns. Maybe.

This isn't really true. A good relationship should give you things, but just like a decent plot of land it's gonna take work to get returns on your investment.

I would say do not get into a long term (ie marriage) unless you are totally convinced it is the right person - like there is no doubt - that you can take them in all their moods and with all their foibles, indefinitely. And also of course that they feel the same way about you.

The really long term ones are going to test you both to your max and maybe beyond. Only the strongest bonds can survive that. Additionally many tend to stop putting a lot of effort into the relationship after a while, a few years, etc. That weakens the bond. To keep it strong it must be renewed in good times to help weather the bad.