AspieOtaku wrote:
What is the point of getting in a relationship knowing it is bound to end sooner or later? it is going to end either way so its all pointless!
Well, yeah, all relationships DO end, sooner/later, one way/another. The point is that we care about something or someone beyond ourselves.
Here's the thing: it appears to me (maybe I'm wrong) that you're seeking a relationship for how it's going to benefit YOU. And that's just human nature. We all do that.
People who succeed in getting a relationship aren't fundamentally any different. What sets them apart is the content of their self-interest. We are all seeking things that make us feel important or special.
If the pleasure of others is a key part of what makes you feel important or special, you are going to do things that impact others more directly than they impact you. How is that acting in self-interest? What do we gain from it? I dunno?it makes you feel good about yourself when you see someone smile, or laugh, or open up to you about themselves. You satisfy your own fascination with others when you get them to see you've taken an active interest in their lives. I mean, what YOU get out of it is entirely up to you, and the answer isn't the same for everyone. But it all comes down to deriving your own happiness or feelings of importance from giving that very feeling to others as a free gift.
That's all love is. Love is just doing more for others than for yourself. It's not an emotion. It's an action. I don't know where it comes from?I know for me it comes from a desire to see people happy.
To me, that's the point of relationships. Ultimately, it's not what you can get out of each other, but rather about what greater good you can get out of someone else's life. You don't get to ask for anything in return.
This may sound one-sided, but it isn't. BOTH people have to be actively interested and invested in the life of the other. We BOTH share in each victory and each defeat. We BOTH share in the joy and the grief. We BOTH share in sickness and health. Most couples, I think, or maybe at least half of them, seem to miss this fact. If ONE of you is having trouble, you BOTH have trouble. If ONE of you gets a raise or promotion of work, it affects you both. The way a lot of people treat personal problems is "Hey, that's YOUR problem, leave me out of it." Or if someone gets a bonus check at work or gets a raise, "You can't tell me how to spend MY money. I'm going shopping, get over it." Um, NO. What if I need a new vehicle and can't afford to buy one on my own, and if I don't have reliable transportation I'm out of a job? What happened to us putting our money together to buy a new house so we don't continue blowing money on rent? What about making sure our kids get to go to a good school? What about fixing the HVAC before it gets cold this winter? Our answer tends to be "not my problem." Um, you're half of this relationship, you better believe, yes, it IS your problem!
Loving relationships don't work that way. I quit a part-time job because we were spending MORE money on daycare just so I could have that job. I did NOT want to quit, but I couldn't justify doing that anymore. So I'm a full-time dad, make less money, and somehow we're not killing ourselves paying bills. And I'm willing to put my plans on hold because SOME THINGS ARE JUST MORE IMPORTANT.
People don't really want relationships. They just say that so they can trick others into having sex with them. I admit I'm guilty of this. It just came down to the other person being a bigger part of my life and having a more profound effect on the world than I ever could by myself. So anything I've sacrificed ended up not really being a sacrifice at all, and my life in a relationship is much more awesome than it would be without it.
That whole love=brain chemistry? Meh?that borders on solipsism. Even if it really IS just a chemical reaction, which I don't believe (that it is ONLY a chemical reaction), it's irrelevant. It's a THING that we experience regardless of origin or manifestation. What's more important is what we do with it.