Always moving the wrong speed.

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16 Oct 2014, 5:41 am

I go too slow and the girl gets bored so next girl I speed up and its too fast. Why is it so hard for me to judge the right speed?

Andreger
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16 Oct 2014, 6:25 am

jerry00 wrote:

I go too slow and the girl gets bored so next girl I speed up and its too fast. Why is it so hard for me to judge the right speed?

Maybe different girls need different speed? One prefer long romantic period while another would like you to have sex in few days.

Though I have similar problem as I analyse my unsuccessful datings. But most of time I' was slow, like old-fascioned.

jerry00
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16 Oct 2014, 7:25 am

I know girls are different the trouble is I can never tell what pace she would like. I can't read them. I might as well be blind or deaf it's like I have a sense missing.

GiantHockeyFan
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16 Oct 2014, 8:11 am

jerry00 wrote:

I know girls are different the trouble is I can never tell what pace she would like. I can't read them. I might as well be blind or deaf it's like I have a sense missing.

That makes two of us. I know in the past I scared women away because I was so fast and aggressive but one girl absolutely loved it even though it didn't work out. My last one I respected her wish to take it slow but looking back I realize I *might* have been successful had I ignored her and showed her I was more than just a friend since she has plenty of them. I suppose all I can do is keep at it and eventually I will get it right.

Andreger
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16 Oct 2014, 8:14 am

jerry00 wrote:

I know girls are different the trouble is I can never tell what pace she would like. I can't read them. I might as well be blind or deaf it's like I have a sense missing.

Hmm, so as me. Maybe you (and me as well) should go on our own speed on every attempt? Cause if we can't guess the right speed and there are no speed limit signs around then se should go on comfortable one. The worst to happen - we lose again. The best - we can find girl who would share (or atl leas appreciate) our speed in relations.

How do you think on this?

rdos
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16 Oct 2014, 9:40 am

That's simple. Always use "slow-speed". If she doesn't like it, her problem. :lol:

yellowtamarin
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16 Oct 2014, 7:53 pm

rdos wrote:

That's simple. Always use "slow-speed". If she doesn't like it, her problem. :lol:

What if he doesn't like it either? Then it's his problem too, and that doesn't sound like much fun for anyone!

I'm with Andreger, go with the pace you like each time. A decent, interested person will talk to you about it before giving up on you, if it's the "wrong" speed for them, so you can change it if you wish to do so to please them.

jerry00
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17 Oct 2014, 3:05 am

I guess they're just not that interested, they don't talk about it they just stop talking to me entirely.

886
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17 Oct 2014, 5:53 am

It's a matter of mutual comfort in every given situation, it shouldn't have to be a strategy.. if it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, don't, and don't try to force it.

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yellowtamarin
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17 Oct 2014, 7:07 am

886 wrote:

It's a matter of mutual comfort in every given situation, it shouldn't have to be a strategy.. if it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, don't, and don't try to force it.

I was going to suggest that but every time I give that sort of advice I get told essentially that it doesn't really apply to autistic people because these things don't come naturally. But I do agree with what you say.

886
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17 Oct 2014, 7:10 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

886 wrote:

It's a matter of mutual comfort in every given situation, it shouldn't have to be a strategy.. if it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, don't, and don't try to force it.

I guess that part is true, as much as I hate to admit it because I've always preached relationships should come naturally..

I feel too many of us try to force the situation.. personally it's a mistake I've made several times.

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rdos
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17 Oct 2014, 9:02 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

rdos wrote:

That's simple. Always use "slow-speed". If she doesn't like it, her problem. :lol:

What if he doesn't like it either? Then it's his problem too, and that doesn't sound like much fun for anyone!

For me it is always slow-speed, so that doesn't apply. If the girl is not up to that, I'm not interested.

But for guys that don't have this preference, I suppose he can take it fast if the girl is up to that, or slower if she is more up to that.

AspieOtaku
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17 Oct 2014, 11:16 pm

jerry00 wrote:

I go too slow and the girl gets bored so next girl I speed up and its too fast. Why is it so hard for me to judge the right speed?

I have a problem with going too slow and they get frustrated and leave me at times!

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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Oct 2014, 1:57 am

if the girl is really interested she would go as fast as you.

If there's a speed requirement, it means there's no real initial attraction.

passion_flower
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20 Oct 2014, 1:12 pm

Don't put pressure on yourself, especially to use the L word.

Let things flow naturally. It's easier said than done but it's better to be cautious than to jump in head first without thinking. The right person will respect that.

FireyInspiration
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20 Oct 2014, 6:49 pm

I wouldn't give up after only two shots at it. Try taking it at an in between speed next time.

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