he is just being nice, right?

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I have a question! >.<

I have been interested in a guy with Asperger's for ..too long time. I tried to move forward since I wasn't getting any response for my interest, but couldn't .. so ... I kept insisting .... and insisting .... at a point he said something like he is too scared to connect with people?
and then that he is too depressed to talk to anyone and then that he is too busy at work to talk with anyone.
Is this just the way guys try to be nice with others to not hurt their feelings?

I know he's very probably not interested in me but maybe seeing what someone like him thinks, would help me move forward.

anyone here wanna help me understand? and throw the damn truth at me? cause I don't seem to see it well enough


thanks in advance

Telling him that you are interested in him is to him step 3 in a five step process.

You have to start at step one. Finding out his special interest. Relate with him about his interest. He will astonish you about his extensive knowledge. Get him ranting on a special subject and listen to him. Every thing he says during a rant is tidbits of info.

Use observation on what his special interests are...if you cannot find out...have him educate you on Asperger's.


This is not the end all cure all of how to connect with an Aspie, just do not have any expectations and he will open up. Good luck.

You need to understand we are blind to subtle messages (verbal, voice tone and body language), most kinds of flirting & 'signals'.. we do not perform said subtle messages/flirting which is the expected response from a 'normal' person that would indicate to you that he is also interested in you.

Just sit with him and tell him straight up: 'I like you, I'm interested in you. Are you interested in me?'

Don't sit down and start hinting your interest. As I said, chances are he will not even notice it and just continue the conversation. It isn't rejection or a 'hint' from him to not continue giving out signals... he didn't see it to begin with.

Good luck!

Don't know what's on his mind, but he seems introverted.

Sigh...the naivety of the youngsters.

I think they are not interested, and are just using excuses as a way of trying to be polite and so as not to have to say 'no, I am not interested' to you directly. Its basically the same response for NTs and the majority of people with ASD. It could be possible he has extreme social phobia, and is not expressing his true feelings, but its beyond just trying to casually 'draw someone out of their shell'. They need more along the lines of professional therapy and possibly medication etc.

Rarely does anything that starts out badly turn out well, so I wouldn't waste any more time on it. Sounds like his loss, wish you luck.

Vomelche
he seems to be so...

Rdos
Sverige is something that you two share, unlike me
your idea is good but if he wanted to meet with me or just see me from afar or something, would it not be normal to ask?

Boo
if you know something, move your scary avatar and say it..please
leaving only the impression of you having some helpful knowledge isn.t actually helping me

Toy Soldier
I explicitly asked for a direct response and gave him a solid motiv to give one
but yeah social phobia does sound fitting, he said he had very bad experience with people
And I can only fool myself and pretend i moved on. Tried it so i know


THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS and trying to help

....suspicious....

I think you are being very harsh with yourself. I don't think you should necessarily come to the conclusion/assumption that he isn't interested. I am in a similar situation and I think the worst thing I did is assume he didn't like me and convinced myself that he thought I was ugly... not a rational move, more like a rash move. I didn't let myself consider the possibility of all of the things he was going through. I will say this, I agree with a lot of people here in that if you don't expect too much and let things happen at a natural pace (no rushing), then you may be surprised. He may surprise you if you just make yourself available in a non-overwhelming way - oh say as a happy-go-lucky non-stressed friend. If you can talk and laugh about "light" subjects (favorite tv show, favorite video game, food, etc) then he might start to feel more comfortable to the point where you both may be able to move beyond small talk. It is really not a "one size fits all" type of advice. The fact might be that he may possibly have some inner conflicts that he has to work out with himself on only he can fix them. If you are there as a supportive person in his life, then he will appreciate your presence more than probably he will make known. I am still going through this and I have learned that I need to be patient and prepared that I may have to do a majority of approaching, yet in a way that is not too overwhelming. I wish you the best and I am sure all will work out as it is supposed to. No two people are alike and that definitely applies to ASD folks.