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How do you know where in a relationship process you are?

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rdos
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15 Nov 2014, 5:37 am

I think I've got a good grip on this now, but I'm sure some (maybe a lot?) of people will disagree. Well, if you do, please post your own take on it.

Sexual interest - means nothing else than that somebody is attractive. Not a relationship marker for me.

Crush - I always get those based on what a girl does, not what she looks like or her social status. Always involves strangers or near strangers. A crush is associated with the contact phase and with obsessions.

Wanting to hug somebody - this is the best marker I have that I have left the contact phase and that I have (or want to have) a relationship with somebody. In fact, far better than talking about being together with a girl as I never did this.



alex
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15 Nov 2014, 11:37 am

I don't think any of these things are distinct steps in a relationship process. Crushes usually go unrequited as they indicate a lack of action on the part of the person with the crush.

Also, hugging alone is not a determining factor of whether or not you're on the way to being in a relationship. I hug plenty of people on a daily basis. Lots of people hug friends and people they've just met. Has nothing to do with a romantic relationship.

If you're kissing a girl on the other hand, that would be indicative that you're both attracted to each other.


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Cafeaulait
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15 Nov 2014, 11:39 am

alex wrote:
I don't think any of these things are distinct steps in a relationship process. Crushes usually go unrequited as they indicate a lack of action on the part of the person with the crush.

Also, hugging alone is not a determining factor of whether or not you're on the way to being in a relationship. I hug plenty of people on a daily basis. Lots of people hug friends and people they've just met. Has nothing to do with a romantic relationship.

If you're kissing a girl on the other hand, that would be indicative that you're both attracted to each other.


Agreed.



rdos
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15 Nov 2014, 11:47 am

alex wrote:
I don't think any of these things are distinct steps in a relationship process. Crushes usually go unrequited as they indicate a lack of action on the part of the person with the crush.


Mine typically don't as I only get a crush after a girl has done something special which usually means she is also interested.

alex wrote:
Also, hugging alone is not a determining factor of whether or not you're on the way to being in a relationship. I hug plenty of people on a daily basis. Lots of people hug friends and people they've just met. Has nothing to do with a romantic relationship.


True, but if you are one of those (quite many) neurodiverse people that only like to be hugged by a romantic partner, then it is a very good indicator. Of course, if you hug anybody, it isn't.

alex wrote:
If you're kissing a girl on the other hand, that would be indicative that you're both attracted to each other.


I strongly dislike kissing, so it is not an indicator for me.