Partners: Conflict or Complement?

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By Maripat Robison
Autism Asperger?s Digest November/December 2014

I had no idea that John had Asperger?s when we met. I did think he was interesting, but he also seemed rude, and if I hadn?t been so determined to sell him advertising in my magazine, I might not have discovered what a brilliant, funny, and kind person he is.

John became a customer, and we started working on his marketing. He was smart, and also socially challenged. He didn?t observe the niceties of typical conversation, like saying hello, goodbye, or please and thank you. He had a tendency to talk nonstop about himself, and it was hard for me to get a word in. He wasn?t unkind, but sometimes he was very blunt.

I noticed that John didn?t realize he wasn?t being polite, or that it was important to be polite in a business relationship. I chalked that up to his eccentricities and just accepted it as his way. There were so many good things about him that his seeming lack of manners wasn?t a big deal.

The breadth of John?s knowledge continually blew me away. He could always answer any question about the natural world or about the way things worked. To this day, I?m amazed by John?s ability to sweep in knowledge and formulate conclusions.

Eventually I bought a car from John?s business, which gave me the opportunity to observe his interactions with others. Once, I was sitting in the waiting room when he told a difficult customer to get out and have their car fixed somewhere else. I could clearly see that the customer was fearful and needed reassurance.

Why couldn?t he see that?

John never looked me in the eye. I didn?t understand that, because I thrived on eye contact. A major part of my communication with others was guided by reading their emotional state through eye contact. Over time, I got used to John talking to me while staring at my chin or feet, but it still made me a little uncomfortable.


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