Two sides to unrequited interest

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In my youth I didn't know my arse from my elbow, when it came to social things.

Infatuation is common and natural occurrence.

Having done that and got the T-shirt, and have since wondered what was really behind these infatuations. The reality is it is often little to do with the subject of the infatuation, there are merely propositions in your mind. They aren't necessarily that different from other people. Sure they are attractive to you at the time, but in hindsight varied from OK people, to downright unattractive personalities.

I have become much more critical of these emotions within in me, perhaps a bit too far the other way. I think self-deception does have some biological purpose after all, so long as you moderate it.

However having been on the receiving end, unrequited interest can be f*****g annoying especially with people who obsess over an idea not a reality, and wont get the message whether you are polite, blunt, or ignore them. I have every sympathy to those that have experienced this, and am glad I'm not like this anymore.

There is a middle ground surely? I mean why get obsessed, with a person you don't know on that level, but at the same time you have to entertain the possibility but in a sensible way. So long as you can break a way, when it clearly isn't going to happen.

But seriously to those who think their lover interest owes them, becuase they are lusting over them, take on board what is like to be on the receiving end of that.

Been on both ends. As long as people keep it at reasonable proportions I only find it flattering.



Maybe because it is extremely pleasurable?

Well I guess I think they have a projected view of me, so don't think of it like that. Perhaps I should. I was more talking bout unreasonable.

I suppose I can be sympathetic, if they at least get the message.



That is fine as long as it is not at the other person's expense. I'm talking about people trying to get something out of someone who has made clear they are not interested. These people often aren't happy either.

At least for me, the obsessive phase tends to be the contact phase when I don't know anything (or very little) about somebody. To be in this phase is probably the most pleasurable thing there is. At least if it is mutual (or if I can keep it secret and imaginary).

Some people that gets rejected when they are there simply cannot get out of the obsession. They can then become a real pain in the **s, but they have no control of it. The best thing you can do is to help them out of there, or avoid them getting there. After all, people do not get crushes or attachments without some kind of interaction.

Not true. It can sometimes happen with no initiation or interaction.

You never know. It can be really subtle so you may have missed it (regular dating is not required). Only way to know is to ask them.

I never really been on the receiving end of infatuation except I think my 2nd girlfriend was only infatuated with me while I loved her & was infatuated. I was pretty obsessed too partly due to OCD which is very well managed by a med now. Both ways did feel nice but infatuation can be very painful when it becomes very strong obsession with someone you don't know personally. I had it pretty bad for a celeb & it developed into one-sided love. I quit crushing 1ce I got in a relationship but I still care about her & I was worrying about her till I started an antipsychotic because it may of developed into a delusional disorder.

" However having been on the receiving end, unrequited interest can be f*****g annoying especially with people who obsess over an idea not a reality "

I don't know if anyone in this world is obsessed over reality(the pure truth is not such a pretty thing)

do you know how bad it is to have your obsession get the best of you, do you really understand that?

sure I understand obsessed people are very annoying but please don't claim you understand them all or look down on them as if it's something that can just be switched off..obsession has a large scale and can be dangerous for both sides


It just friking happens, one can't orchestrate and control every second of his/her life... and when you realize how deep you are..ups there's no way out and you have to start digging with your frikin fingers.
Some people easily find their way out but others don't, simple.




I strongly agree with this.

It truly can be. That's why the ones that can easily withdraw or terminate a relationship has much more obligations than our culture assigns to them (if not for their own safety). It's also the major factor that any dating site should have an obligation to match. You should never match people that get obsessive with partners with people that can terminate a relationship in five seconds. These are really unhealthy matches that could lead to serious problems for all involved, including potential violence and stalking.

I'm not going to enter into an emotional version of the Four Yorkshiremen Sketch. This is not a pissing contest of emotional anguish.

My comment was specifically aimed not at the private obsessives, but the obsessive who won't take no for an answer.

The reality is these people are prolonging their anguish, they are entered into a destructive behavior, which is not fair on themselves or the especially to the other person.

If I empathize with you, then you should empathize with the other person.

Do you need something or was this just a statement you wanted to express?

And yes, I do consider it too to be a destructive behavior if not very strictly managed, especially if one get's obsessed with someone who has an acid attitude like one here seems to display.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCd9UvU-cNQ[/youtube]

I don't really understand why you'd take issue with the initial statement, and then not expect a reply.

How about this scenario: You have made it clear in the first place is polite an straightforward way, and the person continues to make drama. I'm not talking about general crushing.

I've never been the subject of another person's infatuation - that i ever knew about. If anybody did they kept it to their damn selves and will take it to their grave. (It's very unlikely that it ever was a possibility anyway).

Since I only am infatuated with fictional characters (basically drawings), I guess it's...easier to deal with?

Indeed.

just me being my usual irrational self ^_^

I understand...yes it's probably quite annoying...

No worries Catrin.