Shelldor2015 wrote:
It is 100% normal to think that way. Congrats for having the guts to say it. Most people NT or otherwise want it, yet are afraid to say it. It is also normal to at times feel repulsed by it as well. It's a very scary thing to put yourself out there. If you find someone who accepts you flaws and all, it's worth it.
I can sort of see what you mean. Exposing one's vulnerabilities means learning to trust people with your insecurities and to not use them against you. I will admit, I have a very fragile ego, which is something I definitely need to work on.I'm not even sure if it is repulsion or fear. I think I could be afraid of the usual crap such as rejection, being alone or lack of approval and the idea that I fear those things at all is repulsive to me. I actually used to enjoy my solitude immensely - I couldn't get enough time to myself as well as a sense of independence (something I have always fought for). Now I actually ache for company and affection and that feels wrong - like a perversion of my life's goals.
I think that maybe, somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my mind I must want to be able to just let go of my inhibitions and just allow myself to be weak and vulnerable without actually being weak and vulnerable (much like how a horror movie allows one to feel terror without being subjected to it). Certainly food for thought....
16 Nov 2014, 4:24 pm
