I like my friend, can I just text him and get it out already

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Meril
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09 Jan 2015, 9:17 pm

I want to tell him that I like him and want a relationship, and not only would texting him be easier, I feel that it would be less pressure for him too. Is this a bad idea? Would something like "(name) I want to be more than friends ps if you don't then this never happened..." Work? I could just say the last part later if he says no.
I feel like I have been indirect for so long and I just want to tell him now.



kraftiekortie
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09 Jan 2015, 9:44 pm

I could understand why you would rather text him than tell him in person--but texting, to some people, is unromantic.

I guess it depends on the person. At least some people would be put off by being told something this important through a text. They would like it better if you told them in person.

I also understand it's more difficult for a girl/woman to communicate a desire for a relationship than a man--owing to our ethos (in our ethos, the man usually initiates romantic relationships--even these days).

I think the guy would be flattered if you expressed a romantic interest in him in person. He might be flabbergasted (in a nice way).

All in all, it's probably better to inform him of your interest in person, rather than through text. Other people might disagree with me, though.



Meril
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09 Jan 2015, 10:02 pm

I was thinking that I didn't want to corner him. Also, I don't want to ask him in front of other people we know or wait until school on Monday. Additionally, regardless of result I don't want it to distract either of us on our exams.(my only shot at slight privacy is in the morning right before exams)



kraftiekortie
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09 Jan 2015, 10:06 pm

Maybe you could ask him for coffee or something via text. He'd get the message.



Meril
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09 Jan 2015, 10:47 pm

First off, thank you so much, I really appreciate it. The thing is that I have tried being subtle, and he hasn't responded. I have flirted and he has shown some signs of liking me. The only thing is that I was trying to sit close to him with my side touching his (I'm not sure my all of the flirting stuff I have read is accurate[ we were sitting in an expanding group]) and he just kind of kept scooting without saying anything or looking very uncomfortable.(I think, no big deal was made over it) maybe he thought I just wanted more space? He never voiced anything to me and we are very friendly. I think that at that party he was uncomfortable, as he only knew me and kinda my mom. He seems to enjoy my company enough. I don't think he is on the spectrum ( I would maybe believe it if he told me though) but I know he isn't NT(he has ADHD). I feel that the direct approach would be better. I tried the hand on arm thing, and he hasn't been "go away freak" or anything.



Dantac
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09 Jan 2015, 11:18 pm

You could get coffee and sit next to him not face to face and tell him how you feel. Side-to-side conversations are easier for guys :)



Echolalia
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09 Jan 2015, 11:24 pm

Meril wrote:
I want to tell him that I like him and want a relationship, and not only would texting him be easier, I feel that it would be less pressure for him too. Is this a bad idea? Would something like "(name) I want to be more than friends ps if you don't then this never happened..." Work? I could just say the last part later if he says no.
I feel like I have been indirect for so long and I just want to tell him now.


Here's a life tip, not just for love but careers as well. Never commit anything to writing that you don't want the whole world to know about. You might trust the receiver but once it's in writing there is no bringing it back. Think carefully before any buttons are pressed. :wink:


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Meril
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09 Jan 2015, 11:26 pm

I Don't think he likes coffee, and I think maybe something that is more designed with a common interest might work better. How do I ask him to go get coffee? He lives like an hour away, so... Maybe ask him to build my magic deck with me? He has shown interest in helping me with that, but we haven't been able to schedule.
So, just to be clear everyone is against texting right?



Echolalia
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09 Jan 2015, 11:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Maybe you could ask him for coffee or something via text. He'd get the message.


This. It's the done thing. If he jumps at the chance you know he's interested. If he puts you off with excuses then you know he's cold on the idea. Any guy with romantic interests in you will jump at the chance to spend time in your company alone. Magic/Coffee doesn't matter, it's just an excuse to be alone. Here's some other indicators...

- Do his eyes ever wander to your breasts. Come on be honest. Because this should be happening if he wants you. I've never known a hetero guy to not do this even if they only find you mildly interesting. They can't help it no matter how hard they try.
- Does he ever initiate physical contact with you? Even innocent, tapping you on the shoulder thing. If not, I would say he's really not interested. Just like the eye wandering thing, the hands wander too.


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Lockeye
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10 Jan 2015, 12:17 am

Meril wrote:
Maybe ask him to build my magic deck with me? He has shown interest in helping me with that, but we haven't been able to schedule. So, just to be clear everyone is against texting right?


Do the Magic deck building thing! It would be my dream if a girl I was interested in asked me to help build her deck. Take note of his reaction, and if he gets excited about it like I am just thinking about it, then it's probably a yes.


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Shep
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10 Jan 2015, 2:35 pm

Apparently I'm in a minority here, but I'll be blunt:

Guys are totally oblivious! I once came across an article someone had written on how girls flirt, and suddenly realized I've been hit on my whole life and never knew it. 8O I kid you not, I even told a girl once that "I don't like coffee". I know it's true (even to this day), but man alive it would've been sooo nice if a girl came right up and told me "I want to date you", or to even know that my feelings of being unwanted were completely unwarranted.

In this day and age, texting is perfectly fine. Fun fact: me and my fiancee met on here, and predominately communicated via text and PM. It wasn't until I wrote her a letter (well, email, so "digital" letter?) that we started really taking things further. I kinda sorta knew she was somewhat interested in me, but it wasn't until I came across one of her posts on here that said it that I felt like an idiot and took it further. Thankfully it worked!

Although since most don't agree on texting, how's this: send him a heartfelt email telling him how you feel. Instead of trying to constrain it to 140 characters, say anything and everything you desire about it. If you don't have his email, text him and ask for it, saying you want to share a picture with him. Then take a picture of something you think he'll like (nothing "suggestive" though, don't put that in his head this early on :wink: ) and send it his way. He might think its dumb, or not even bother to respond, but you'll at least have his email and can send that letter when you're ready.

For what it's worth, my own parents sent many letters to each other, hand-written, but email wasn't well-known publicly until after I was old enough to use it, decades after their marriage. In this day and age, hand-written letters are nice, but if time is of the essence, go for an email :D



Meril
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12 Jan 2015, 4:40 pm

Against most of your advice I did text him, and he doesn't like me. However I am happy to know that I can just move on. Is it bad that I don't really mind that much?



Shep
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12 Jan 2015, 5:28 pm

Meril wrote:
Against most of your advice I did text him, and he doesn't like me. However I am happy to know that I can just move on. Is it bad that I don't really mind that much?
Not at all. Frankly if someone dumped me, I'd prefer to be able to move on quickly as you are rather than dwelling on it. Good news is you didn't waste too much time chasing a dead end.



Meril
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12 Jan 2015, 6:05 pm

I actually spent quite a while chasing a dead end. Lol. I just don't know how I'm going to talk to him ever again. I want to just be friends, but I think it is going to be pretty awkward for a while. I will probably just give him as much space as I can without making him think I hate him.



kraftiekortie
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12 Jan 2015, 8:34 pm

I'm sorry, Meril. He explicitly said he didn't like you in the text?

At least you tried; that's the most important thing.

There are many other guys for you.



Meril
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12 Jan 2015, 8:42 pm

I'm not upset that he doesn't like me I just don't want it to be awkward