AS/AS she keeps yelling at me

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My girl friend will start yelling at me at anything these days.

She says I do not listen to her when she gives me instructions. I do the first thing that comes to mind and she gets mad at me when I'm doing something wrong. " How specific do I have to be!" she would yell. She will start calling me an a**hole or a dick for not paying attention after I explain that I was getting confused.


People should not get this angry but I think that when I get obsessed on a detail it really gets on her nerves.


I do not lose my temper due to the fact that yelling begets yelling. Retaliating physically against bullies are thing of the past.

I love this girl and I want to learn how I can pay better attention. Are there techniques to listen to people besides always having to look at their mouths.

Thats normal most gfs do that all the time sometimes they get pissed off for no apparent reason.

Is she PMSing possibly? My friend yells a lot when she is PMSing

woah, woah, woah - this guy is asking for some genuine relationship help and you guys go straight to the 'that's girls, they're hormonal'

Maybe he isn't listening. Maybe he is focusing on details and not getting the big picture.


Check out active listening techniques. Looking at her mouth may not be that helpful to you if you're focusing on the visual stimulus instead of the aural. Repeat back what she's said. Ask questions. Agree a list.

But she also needs to stop yelling during communication. Can you both sit down and agree to work on communication issues. If you both agree to support each other to do active listening and look at writing down important issues (i.e. to do lists if there actions required.)

repeat back of what she says. I like that idea.

This will clarify what parts I missed and give me time to figure out exactly what she wants as we communicate.

I will try that.

Try to listen to her or under stand her if shes still mad at you and yelling at you for no reason leave her be for a few days then shell cool down and get over what shes mad about, most the times she doesn't know why shes mad at you and just venting if you give her space and time to cool down and forget and shell be all nice to you like nothing happened at all!

Be firm and assertive.

When she yells, interrupt her at once, and tell her to show respect and not to yell.

Tell her that you are adult, and not some pet or child to yell at. (ie. Stop yelling you're too loud, I am not your pet ,I am your partner, so show some respect, ok?), she will be shocked - if she keeps yelling repeat the stop yelling, then tell her you won't listen until she shows respect and leave the room.

She will come to you, then tell her you can discuss about agreeing on things - but first make her understand there's a boundary in how she talks to you.
If she never come to you then maybe it's better to break up with her because it means she has no respect to you nor she feels any remorse of the way she treated you.

Uhhh... she's yelling at you, demeaning you, calling you names.. and you're blaming yourself, asking how to be a better person for her?

Buddy, you really have your priorities mixed up.. I highly doubt you're doing anything wrong, and you're comparing her to bullies growing up anyway. I'm not saying fight back, that's going to accomplish nothing, but why let ANYONE treat you this way, especially if you claim to love them?

I asked her why she does that. She says that I make her angrier when I show her no emotion. She gets angrier when I do not communicate back.

This is where being assertive kicks in. I keep a calm voice and speak as logically as I can. She apologizes after I talk to her and explain what was going through my head.

We are both aspies. I have concluded that one of us has to be under control at all times so a constructive conversation can be built.

A relationship is hard work for me, for allot of us. At the end we are hugging and laughing at the mean stuff we said to each other.

Everything is going to be okay.

You could be a rapper

If you are helping her with a task and she complains, tell her politely to do it by herself or ask another person. If not, maybe it could help if she write it down what she want you to do.

Boo's advice applies to the lack of respect part.

The only advice I have is: if I am yelling at someone myself, it is because I feel I am not being heard. More often than not, that is why someone has chosen to yell at me. Only when someone is yelling at me in a very disrespectful manner would I say something along the lines of "If I have done something to upset you, i apologize. But I won't take this disrespect. If you want to speak to me, I'll be here."

Secondly, her yelling at you to be heard is a good sign that she still cares anyway.

Okay, that makes perfect sense then. Some people just act too quick on emotion. We're all different. At least you two work to communicate, few do.