Can these 36 questions make you fall in love with anyone?

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

Max1951
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2011
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 169
Location: Central Pa

15 Jan 2015, 12:11 am

There is an article by the this title in the Jan 14 issue of The Guardian. You can find it online if you google the subject of this email. The article is the story of 2 people who try the questions and, although they may not have become romantically involved with each other, they admit a certain closeness. I'll paste the questions below. Do you think this would work to create or to strengthen a friendship? Anyone here ever tried it?

Set One
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set Two
1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

4. What do you value most in a friendship?

5. What is your most treasured memory?

6. What is your most terrible memory?

7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

8. What does friendship mean to you?

9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set Three
1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.



cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

15 Jan 2015, 12:48 am

these questions are definitely thought-provoking. i'm going to go over them with my husband tomorrow. will let your know how it goes.



Rocket123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2012
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,203
Location: Lost in Space

15 Jan 2015, 12:57 am

Max1951 wrote:
There is an article by the this title in the Jan 14 issue of The Guardian.

You may want to take a look at this related article <click> in the New York Times.

It includes some additional links about the study in which a psychologist, Arthur Aron, apparently was able to make two strangers fall in love.

Quote:
Here’s how it works: You and the object of your affections run through the 36 questions devised by Aron. These go from the relatively mundane, like who you would want at your ideal dinner party, to the more personal — what you value most in a friendship, how you feel about your relationship with your mother, and a particular problem you’re grappling with.

Once you’ve done some mutual soul-searching, the next step is to gaze at each other, without speaking, for a period of four minutes.


It's an interesting read.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

15 Jan 2015, 2:56 am

It sounds a lot like a job interview - but again, many dates are like job interviews.



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

15 Jan 2015, 5:49 am

37. Why do you want this job... uh, I mean, to date me?

38. Why are you different from the other candidates who are mirin my boobz?


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


Kiriae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,349
Location: Kraków, Poland

15 Jan 2015, 7:54 am

39. Which question made you think "That's boring. I give up. I don't read anymore." ? :lol:
(I passed out on 11 from set 2)



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

15 Jan 2015, 9:35 pm

I find the questions pretty boring like NT talk to me. I rather questions that are more specific to relationship stuff.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Rocket123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2012
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,203
Location: Lost in Space

15 Jan 2015, 11:21 pm

From my perspective, it’s not the questions that are interesting. What’s interesting is the study <click>.

Apparently, they used these questions to induce a close relationship. It mentions that "one key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure".

This may explain why I don't have many close relationships. As I don’t personally enjoy this type of self-disclosure.



Max1951
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2011
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 169
Location: Central Pa

16 Jan 2015, 12:36 am

"I don’t personally enjoy this type of self-disclosure"

I don't either (enjoy share that kinda stuff nor have any friends). I can't imagine volunteering personal information. It's personal stuff, meaningful to oneself. It's scary to disclose it then,because, like, what if the other person ignores you or ridicules you for your values?

The paper misses an important step, I think. You have to know that the other person will be receptive and reciprocate. How do you determine something like that? Or if you can't know for sure, how do you determine that someone is a good probabilistic risk to appreciate your personal values. Maybe its just common sense for NTs or something..

Also, anxiety, especially social anxiety,is one of the spectrumite hallmarks. I reluctantly engage in socialization with my shield held high and my exit path pre-planned. :ninja:



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

16 Jan 2015, 1:38 am

I don't have a problem with the self-disclosure but I wouldn't know how to answer a lot of those questions because I haven't thought about it or I don't care at all.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,539
Location: Europe

16 Jan 2015, 8:47 am

Lol me and my boyfriend talked a lot of these questions trough when we were dating. That can't be coincidence 8)



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

16 Jan 2015, 8:57 am

I enjoy spontaneity. When the questions come up, they come up. I'll answer them.

I don't like "sessions" where people are forced to answer questions--like encounter groups and such.



mpe
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 26 Oct 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 379
Location: Exeter

16 Jan 2015, 11:29 am

nick007 wrote:
I find the questions pretty boring like NT talk to me. I rather questions that are more specific to relationship stuff.

One thing which struck me is that since some of them state "partner" you need to already have a relationship to ask them :)
There also appears to be an odd mixture of closed and open questions. Including a few multi-part questions where the latter part only makes sense if you answer the former part certain ways.