Any positive stories of AS/NT marriages?

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graduate122
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10 Jan 2015, 4:54 pm

I found a depressing article online (I'll post a link at the bottom) about marriages between Aspies and NTs, and it saddened me to learn that many of them wouldn't marry their AS spouse again. This upsets me because I had hopes of a normal life and eventually a possible marriage, but I don't wanna condemn a woman to a life of misery. (As I've posted before, any Aspies females in Spartanburg/Greenville, SC area please contact me).

Do marriages every work between Aspies and NTs?

Here's the link:

http://www.experienceproject.com/storie ... me/2545133



kraftiekortie
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10 Jan 2015, 6:16 pm

I've been married to an NT for almost 20 years.

We have our ups and downs....but we're still married!

I know of at least ten people with ASDs on WrongPlanet who are married to NT's....and their marriages are still thriving.

I would say the most important factor in keeping a marriage alive is the ability to support one's self, or to provide some other kind of support for your spouse (a prime example being a "housewife/househusband"). Or even provide intellectual support for a spouse through the ability to research. That ability, alone, could save couples much money.



graduate122
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10 Jan 2015, 6:28 pm

Thanks for the boost of confidence. I'm hoping the stories in the link were the small minority. I wish people could dwell on how loyal Aspies are. Any other advice?



kraftiekortie
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10 Jan 2015, 7:06 pm

Make sure you pull your weight in the relationship (I'm not saying you have to pull your weight "equally" with your partner, just don't be too dependent upon your partner).

And always show that you're making progress personally.



Stargazer43
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10 Jan 2015, 7:47 pm

My advice is not to pay any mind to those studies. You can even look at NT/NT marriages, and with the huge divorce rate they don't look too pretty either. The point I'm trying to make is that each situation is unique, and each partner is their own person. There is no generic "NT" or AS" template, although we may share some common features. What matters is that you find the right person for you, and do your part to work on the relationship. If you work to be the best person that you can be, then that's all you can do!



pj4990
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10 Jan 2015, 9:00 pm

I've read quite a few negative AS/NT stories and they all seem to follow one of two themes:
1. The NT partner was stupid enough to marry someone without noticing or liking a huge fraction of their personality which cannot be hidden well enough to deliberately fool someone into marriage. Many of these seem to be Cassandra Cultists (look that up, I'm too jetlagged to hunt it down). That website you posted looks likely to be overrun by them.
2. One partner turned out to be a manipulative douche. They also happened to have Asperger's, but that isn't really relevant.

Avoid those and it'll probably be fine.

Also don't forget that negative things always get talked about more than positive. "My marriage is working fine" isn't something people generally go asking for advice for on the internet. Some people would do well to learn that they don't go and see marriage counsellors either, so any stats from there are utterly meaningless.