Help With an NT guy...

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Ok, I'm sort of newish here, I haven't posted much.

Quick background is I was only diagnosed this past year at age 31. My entire life until now has been people trying to figure out "What's wrong with me" and me having to come up with explanations (When the only true one is "I have Aspergers, I think differently.) So I'm adapting to finally understanding why I do many of the things I do.

Last year around this time I met a great guy and we were(/Well, are) friends. We'd go out to eat and movies and talk about random stuff and when I moved about three months ago it changed physically, and I seem to think we may be a couple now but it is really really hard to tell. Nothing is concrete and it's terribly confusing.

I can't understand him. I'm pretty intense, he's the absolute opposite extreme. So laid back I sometimes wonder if he has a pulse.

He lives half an hour away, I don't drive and our schedules are different so we see each other about once a week for 2-3 hours. I always feel like I want to be with him more than he wants to be with me. He's not that good about planning and it makes him anxious, and not planning makes me anxious. He can't even tell me a definite day unless I push.

Most importantly: He puts up with my crap. He makes me feel important and not like "the girl with the problems". Yet there are times I get so frustrated cause like any time something is wrong with him (neck hurts back hurts, etc) he shuts down. So two weeks we didn't see each other and cuddling seemed like he'd have been fine if it never happened.

This confuses me because his moods change. He knows that I need explanations and such but often it's not the first thing he thinks of. He's used to normal girls I guess lol. He accepts me as I am though, puts up with me, doesn't get irritated about anything, doesn't hurt me, doesn't try to make me do things I don't want to do (He seems to be even more asexual than me and won't talk about it which is a bit bizarre.) Most of any sexual contact we've had hasn't been in two months and this has been going on three. I don't really get it. I mean we've started things but he's never really in the mood which is strange cause I didn't think there are guys who are as sexually weird as me.

But anyway, sorta feels like I'm rambling, but bottom line is:

I don't know what to do. Should I continue with this knowing:
1) Future? He will never discuss the future. I need to know if there is a future in this cause technically I want to live with someone, eventually get married, etc within a few years and I don't know if this can go there. I mean some moods he is more talkative but idk
2)He reminds me his tone or quietness isn't personal he's just in a blah mood but I have to ask and make myself feel horrible cause I think it's me
3) More than 1-2 times a week will rarely to never happen. If he misses one cause he's sick or whatever he doesn't usually seem like it's much of a loss to him. He likes being alone, doesn't like going out. It's how he is. I like being alone too but he's a huge highlight in the mundanity that is life and I feel like I'm not as important to him than he is to me
4) He probably will never tell me he loves me even if he does. He's said he likes me, I'm important, he likes being around me actually but he doesn't say these things often and really only when I say something first. I try to keep it quiet.
5)Him not wanting sex and me wanting it is just too weird

On the other hand:
1) He's a great guy
2) He's patient
3) He never blames me for anything
4) If I'm being all aspie and having a meltdown and confused he doesn't know how to help but he never, never makes me feel worse
5) Certain situations I need him, he's there
6) He's not overbearing. No handholding, no talking down to me
7) He is the last person to tell me not to smoke weed, I don't have to defend or justify that to him (No judgements please it's a topic I can't fight)
He's funny. I actually understand his sense of humor
9) He is cuddly sometimes. It's just when he isn't he sorta sounds like he never will be again and I won't even see him till next week and who knows if anything will happen or he will be in a hurry to get somewhere cause then he one tracks.
10) No one else decent enough will want me
11) My parents have both already met him as my friend and seem to be fine with him
12) He's not seeing anyone else, neither am I.

I'm sure there's some I'm forgetting...but...Thoughts?

I don't want to say what Im about to say, because I know you really don't want to hear it. But these are my honest thoughts...From what you tell us, he sounds like...

He's not really into having a relationship with you.

He may be playing on your insecurities by giving you just enough to hang in there while showing zero levels of commitment or interest in you.

If he started off interested and is now just stringing you along, please google abusive relationships because it's a well known pattern that such relationships follow. Particularly as you say he shuts you down if you try and broach the subject of the relationship, where it's going and asking for more of a commitment from him.

Some guys are immature and will break up a relationship by being terrible company so that you dump them and they can walk away while taking no responsibility for the relationship ending.

These are the things that came immediately to me upon reading your story. Also this struck me.

Yes other guys (very likely better ones) will want you. If you stick in a relationship telling yourself it's the only chance you've got then you are screwed. And not in the way you want to be. I'm fairly impaired when it comes to social stuff but even I've had 5 long-term relationships with a variety of partners. There will be others for you, trust me on this.

It just kills me that you've got a guy doing his level best to treat you as if you don't matter. You do matter, AS or not, your thoughts, feelings and needs in a relationship absolutely matter and they should be mattering to him as well if he cares for you at all.

He is not that into you. Believe me. My advice would be to break up with you. I am sure you can find someone that values you a lot more. I found myself in the exact situation a few months ago. It was hard to break up but I did it. Now I found someone that puts the effort into me that I feel I deserve. We see each other 2-3 days a week; not 2-3 hours.

You can find this type of love as well.