Shy and outgoing (do oppisites attract?)

Post Reply New Topic

I wanted to discuss something I've been thinking about for a while. I know that for shy guys like most of us, in theory it sounds like it would be better to be with a shy girl (or if you're a shy girl you might prefer a shy guy). In theory. Shy girls might be less intimidating, prefer smaller groups, have common interests, have common personality traits, etc. In theory.

In practice however, I find that I always get on better with more charismatic girls. They can hold a conversation for longer. I know it would seem like it would be good to be with some shy nerd girl but when I actually talk to one of those in real life, the conversation quickly dies down and it feels like the blind leading the blind. Some of my conversations with outgoing girls go much better.

Now this made me think of of my shy (NT) cousin who's married to a highly charismatic young woman. He's the nerdly mechanical engineer and she's the outgoing social worker. In her line of work she needs good people skills. He doesn't. They seem to get on fairly well so this made me think of that age old cliché, opposites attract.

So, do you think shy aspie guys are actually better of with outgoing girls? Or vice versa? Are shy girls better of with going guys? Do any of you have any thoughts? Am seeking opinions from both sexes.

Sometimes, outgoing, extraverted people could complement shy, introverted people.

I, myself, would have preferred an introverted person (like me). My wife is pretty extraverted, and sometimes too noisy. I get sensory difficulties when she speaks sometimes. She's a good person, though.

It would work if you are shy, but enjoy going out.

But, if you don't like going out, but your partner does, now we have a problem that may not have an easy solution.

I enjoy going out but not by myself if it's to a place where I don't know people. Showing up by myself makes me feel like a gatecrasher. Never am I more alone than when I'm in a crowded room full of strangers.

I'm not particularly shy, but I'm quiet and introverted. I get along much better with other introverts. As for shy people, that can be an issue as you mentioned if they don't open up and talk to me due to the shyness. But with another like-minded, quiet, introverted person, there isn't an issue with conversations dying down. We won't go out and party all the time but we will have fun with each other.

So I'd say yeah if two shy people get together that could be difficult, if neither of them gets over the shyness around the other, but two introverted people can be just fine, and is definitely my preference. I get drained by outgoing people and their outgoing lifestyle.

I honestly have no clue. My boyfriend is probably just as extraverted is I am. But the thing is that I don't know whether I am introverted or extraverted. I prefer my guys to be social and extraverted rather than introverted. They must have depth to their personality though.

I think that an extroverted person is more likely to initiate a relationship with an introverted person, than vice versa. An introvert starting a relationship with another introvert is also less likely.

I guess the attractive thing about extroverts is that it is easier to tell what they are thinking. But I find it easier to relate to introverts.

If someone is good-looking enough, they'll attract people regardless of their personalities. Theoretically there could be someone so attractive that they'll continue to attract those who find their personality repugnant. It happened in Seinfield.

Tony Attwood's book goes on about Aspie men pairing up with highly sociable women. He says something about social secretaries and compensation. I can see how that would happen, but I'd feel real guilty putting a women in that situation.

How introverted someone is can vary depending on their setting. A man could be extroverted in his workplace and shy at parties, for example.

Ideally I'd want to partner up with someone with both extroverted and introverted qualities, but I wouldn't want them to do my socialising for me.

Yeah, on dating sites, most of my dates are from girls who message me, not from girls I message.

The trouble is girls can message me on dating sites, they can get asked out by me, they can meet me but... at some point I have to make the first move. That's where things always go wrong for me.That's why I was thinking of disclosing.It's not I'm against such stuff in theory, it's just that in practice I can't tell what to do or when to do it. Girls assume I can read them.True enough that extraverted NTs may speak there minds but so do a lot of aspies, myself included. People around me always know what I'm thinking after I've explained it to them in exhaustive detail. Accept when I want to keep it a secret. A secret like "I have no idea what I'm doing but I don't want her to know that".Maybe. Could it be possible for a girl to be so attractive she gets hit on every five minutes? That would get really annoying for her.Guilty? I think it depends. If you need just a little bit of help from a girl, maybe that would be OK. If you're utterly dependent on her and monopolize her time and energy, then you could feel guilty.

But really, is it not the mark of a healthy relationship that in many small ways they can help and support each other? Both practically and emotionally?

There's a video on Youtube in which a psychologist says he thinks a relationship is the "panacea" for depression. That may be true but I'd feel really guilty if a girl found out my happiness and even mental health was dependent on her. I think that would be too great a burden to place on someone's shoulders.You've just described 95% of the population.No. I've tried that and it wasn't fun.

Same here.