An unexpected, but pleasant, compliment.

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At work a couple nights ago a girl I work with told me that when she first met me, when I was working construction, that her initial impression was "whoa, where do they find these construction workers.. Abercrombie & Fitch?" My reaction was to ask her what she meant. She said "You're a really good looking guy." I took it for the compliment it was and didn't inquire or comment further so as not to come off as awkward. (She knows I'm gay and she has a boyfriend, she wasn't hitting on me.)

I haven't been depressed in a long time. I used to think quite negatively of myself, including my appearance. I've been a lot more.. neutral towards myself, but not particularly positive about my aesthetics. I am in decent physical shape and continue to improve that, and I do to keep a clean cut look w/ my haircut etc - but I don't really make any extra effort to try to look "good" or anything. I was a bit surprised by her comment, tbh, but I didn't let on that that was what I was thinking.

It was a nice reminder that others sometimes, or perhaps even often, perceive us as better looking than we think of ourselves. I'm posting this not to brag that some girl thinks I'm good looking, I'm posting it to remind others of that fact - that we're probably a better looking lot than we give ourselves credit for. I know it's a common AS thing to not think particularly highly of yourself, so I think it's good to have a reminder like this once in a while. Chances are that someone you know thinks you're a lot better looking than you do, too.

Nice post. Yes I think this is true. I never understood why I got male attention even while I thought I was fat and butt ugly. I still don't think I was ever much attractive but then I often think of myself as being only slightly better than dirt anyway. Good reminder to get out of the usual AS headspace occassionally.

I get compliments online whenever I use a shirtless pic (beach, hiking, parasailing..etc) on hookup apps like Skout to the point of almost weekly sexual compliments thro voice call on skype/line (I am not kidding, little chat --> giving me skype or line id....and things go..) , and the only very few times I got compliments in real time was in gym when I wear a sleeveless shirt and without glasses and in hiking journeys wearing similar thing, but only from girls who are really short (I am about 5'3 last time I checked). Apps like tinder didn't work well for me at all so far because it gives you no option to initiate unless she likes your pic, but on open hook apps is another story (probably I initiate the convo better than most).

Otherwise in life, when back to my nerdy usual appearance with casual clothes, glasses on, and so on, I become totally invisible to the opposite sex, It's quite frustrating to experience this huge difference of me in usual form vs me in another form.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 19 Jan 2015, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

If you think your regular daily attire is making you invisible to the opposite sex, then why not start changing your wardrobe and see what results you get?

I thought about it, but I don't know how - first of all that means contacts or surgery instead of glasses(despite that my glasses are borderless like this one image.rakuten.co.jp/viva7/cabinet/18/601208.jpg) - as for the wardrobe I dunno what to change, I wear like any regular guy out there, I wear casual stuff like Polo-like shirts, Armani and Armani-like shirts, sweaters with hoods, jeans, etc -colors are always matching: grey/black, white/black, black/red, navy/navy, blue jeans/blac ..etc the usual stuff. Shoes-wise I go Timberland, Bata, formal, reebok, all varies on occasions.
... I avoid wearing the commonly perceived ugly stuff like square patterns, colorful stripes, V-collar shirts, mismatching colors like green/red, navy/black, too bright colors...etc

As I said, the compliments I had are when I wasn't wearing much, it's not possible to adopt this as the daily attire . Or when my short height isn't so apparent (like online or sitting on some machine/boat..wtv).

Changing one's wardrobe is akin to changing one's personality. It shouldn't be done for the sake of attracting women.

Anyway, I am quite sure that no woman has ever found me attractive. But I know for a fact that while I'm not attractive to look at, I at least am not a total creep like most dudes.

It's not about wardrobe, when it comes to online vs real, it's mostly about the perceived height.

How do I know this?

I get a lot of those on dating sites/apps:

i have always viewed compliments as grovelling by those who dispense them.
i have little to no gratitude for any compliment i receive. i wonder why they feel i need to be told i am good at something. i already know, and they must know i know, so it really is pointless to get out the "grooming brush" and stroke me with compliments.

I wear glasses. I think they look good on me. They're not super bold, but they're not frameless. Maybe frameless isn't the most fashionable way to go? Frameless kinda says you're trying to make them invisible.. whereas a frame that suits you and is visible might be a little more fashionable, IMO.

Hmm, maybe you need to incorporate more opportunities to wear less in your life then? Be more active, hit the gym more if that's your thing.. create excuses to dress lighter/sportier in ways that have gotten you compliments. Just a thought. Never know who might notice you while you're out for a run or something.

Disagree.

Although, changing into different clothes can affect one's personality/behaviour.. I certainly act more professional when I dress more formally vs. sitting around at home in an old t-shirt. But overall my personality is still mine.

But the part I disagree with is that it shouldn't be done for the sake of attracting women. To me, that's BS. If it helps (and it does for most guys) then absolutely change your wardrobe to attract the type of woman you're attracted to. Theres a reason there's sayings like "the clothes make the man," and "dress for success," and "dress for the job you want, not the job you have."

Also, you can't possibly know that no woman has ever found you attractive. You might not think you're attractive yourself, but you can't possibly know what others are thinking. Heck, just like the anecdote I started this thread with.. I don't personally think I'm mainstream fashion model sort of attractive, but this girl indicated that she thinks I am. Chances are there's someone out there that thinks you're better looking than you think you are.

That's a pretty negative pov. Compliments & affirmations are simply good vibes.. a little positive energy from others, or given to others by you. It's all these little things that add up to people thinking & feeling better about themselves, and therein lies the entire point of them.

This. Frameless is the nerdy guys choice because they dont want to draw attention. One of my bf's was a real nerd but wore black rimmed Armani's and looked super cool in them. He had coke bottle prescriptions too. It's all about the look you can personally rock. He had strong bone structure so could wear those heavy frames. He was only 5'2". I like jeans and t-shirts for myself but I look 100% better in pencil skirts and sweaters because I have an hourglass shape. One makes me forgettable, the other gets attention. Realising your look doesnt do much for you isnt about changing your personality its about learning how to present to best advantage.

Sadly the look most people favour is often the one that looks least good on them. You cant deny we've all seen moderately overweight girls in skinny jeans and it looks awful. But that same girl could rock bootleg and a different shirt. Human psychology is weird because people often dress for the body they wish they had rather than the one they do have.

I wear frameless glasses because I like it not because I try to hide something or to limit attention, If I wanted to hide glasses i would go contacts.

Why everything nerds do should have some psychoanalysis interpretation?

That's like accusing a short guy of wanting to wear timberland because he wants to look taller. Guess what? I wear timberland and I also wear flat converse, it means nothing.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Jan 2015, 6:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

It means nothing to you, but it conveys something to others. Perception is reality, and how people perceive you is critical as to whether or not they find you attractive.

As an accountant/physicist friend once said, he wears semi-frameless light coloured glasses that blend in because he likes them and doesn't need to stand out. But if he were in a sales position, he'd wear a bit bolder frames that stood out and drew attention to his face. Makes sense to me.

Same goes for the dating world. You're constantly selling yourself and making first impressions. Frameless glasses communicate that you're shy/timid and trying not to draw attention to yourself. A bit bolder frames make more of a statement and draw people's eyes to your face, giving you an opportunity to catch their gaze and strike up a conversation.

Whether you like it or not, it is what it is, IMO.

In fact, I chose frameless when I was a child who had no interest in girls back then, and the very reason why It was my choice because it gave the best sight, you don't see through annoying frames while moving your eyes in frameless glasses.

Have you conducted a survey asking what people interpret of frameless glasses? this is the first time I hear this s**t, framless galsses are one of the popular choices, and not just because they look good but because they're conformable to the eyesight, I have never ever heard a such psychoanalysis about it.

People who really interpret such prejudice because of something like that are really just projecting...

This is the first time you've ever heard this? Interesting.

I get it, function over form.. but in aesthetics & attraction, you can't ignore form.

Feel free to do your own research. Go to google image search and have a look at images of guys wearing various styles of glasses and see what your first impression of them is based on the different looks… I bet you'll find that those who rock a bit bolder frames appear to be more confident, outgoing, extroverted etc vs. shy/timid/introverted on the other end of the spectrum with those who wear "invisible" glasses.