Talk me out of being stupid?

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I'm 19 and had been in a relationship with another aspie who is 22. We were together for 9.5 months up until I broke it up a couple of weeks ago. The relationship was causing my self-esteem to plummet and I was plain miserable as we neared the end. He blamed a lot of the issues I was having with it all on his AS and said a lot of empty sorrys. Now, seeing that I'm also on the spectrum, I feel like it was all a copout. I had plenty of my own AS-related issues that affected things within our relationship, but the difference is that I went out of my way to compromise and ensure that it didn't put unnecessary strain on everything.

We didn't talk much about the breakup or anything. I called it off, a minimal amount of things were exchanged as I'm pretty sure he was hurt, and bam no contact since. The thing is, I've spent nearly every waking minute since it all went down thinking about him or something relating to the relationship. That might sound like I'm exaggerating, but I swear I'm not. I spent a few days being bitter and hating his guts. I spent a few nights alone getting plastered in front of the television before proceeding to make many very very pathetic voice messages and written messages to him (no intention to send). I spent the few days following that in near tears at all moments. Then I went on to be numb with this lingering weird mix of love and disdain for him. All the same, I simply can't stop thinking about it. My special interests are distant memories and nothing I've tried to distract myself has worked.

Little person inside me is poking me at all times telling me to message him. I have all of that proof of how upset I was in the relationship and yet I'm still every bit as tempted to pick up the phone and contact him. We had something special. I can hardly connect with somebody enough to call them an acquaintance let alone fall in love with them. Our relationship was a weird one in almost every sense, but it worked for us for a good while and we had this underlying understanding of each other that I'm honestly not sure I'll ever be able to find again. I don't know why this relationship (end of it) has hit me so hard, especially when I ended it. I usually have zero issue cutting people I've known for the longest of time out of my life without a second thought.

This post was partially made to blow of some frustration, but I'm also really in need of somebody smacking some sense into me before I give into messaging him. He probably has already gotten long over it and that fact is failing to deter me. I'm getting to the point where all I can think is "Who even cares if this is a really bad idea and he is over it? At least you'll be able to talk to him again even if it's just a few sentences!" AKA "Goodbye rationality!"

This seems like a dilemma you should dissect with a good friend in person. For denizens of the internet would need considerably more context to determine if it was yourself or your circumstances making you miserable...

Sounds like you are going through a period after a breakup that is essentially referred to as heartbreak. Everyone that breaks up usually goes through it during the end of a relationship. everyone tends to experience it different.

I'd say based on what you are describing, my advice would be:

Stay away from the alcohol
remove his number from your phone and don't even think to memorize it either.
Remove any e-mail contact information you have to get a hold of him with.
And remember that love and forgiveness are choices you can make as well that will help heal wounds.

Well, yes but that would be assuming that I have any friend or people I'm otherwise close enough to.




Check on the alcohol (was definitely a bad idea), check on already deleting any other means of getting a hold of him, and yeah I'm definitely going to have to work on that last one. Only issue in all of this is that I have a knack for memorization and numbers and his number has been long permanently ingrained into my mind. Sucks because it would make this so easy excluding the emotional aspects. Thanks for the advice.

+1 for the forgiveness... There's not nearly enough of that on Earth lately. Apply liberally in any & all situations.

You're welcome to break down all the gory details with your newfound internet friends as well, just bear in mind some of us are heavily sedated...

So why did you dump him?

Ahaha, you might just regret saying that if I end up deciding to do just that.



If you ask the me at the time that I did it, I'd say "Because he's an egotistical a**hole" and leave it at that.

If you ask bitter me, the reasons would include:
- I was continuously taken for granted.
- Anytime I took issue with something he did/said or didn't do/say, I'd be greeted with an obviously empty apology followed by an excuse.
- He would always insist that because something was not intentional on his part, he didn't have to works towards improving it.
- Oh did I mention the lack of accountability for anything and everything on his part?

Now if you were to ask me at a time when I'm fully rational, you'd probably get a response like:

I could no longer handle feeling like he'd rather be doing literally anything other than spending time with me based on his actions/words, nor could I handle having him choose to play video games for 12 hours straight for the nth day in a row instead of spending 30 minutes talking with me after days of being unable to due to schedule. Or him thinking that he'd be able to make up for it with saying nice things and reassuring me that he cares about me while still doing the same things.

Beyond that, he wasn't who I thought he was or maybe I wasn't who I thought I was. I was no longer able to accept the way he lived his life in general and I had no intention of attempting to change who he was. We are at different places in our lives with different maturity levels and, while simultaneously being soooo similar, we were too incompatible to successfully have a relationship. Not like I was a perfect girlfriend by any means, but at least I put in some visible genuine effort.

The funniest part about this is that I can write all of that out while fully believing it and yet still not think attempting to reconcile is the absolute worst idea in the world hahaha. Yeah this thread is basically not even about advice, I think I'm just interested in rambling on about my failed relationship to anybody who will listen. Can I win a pathetic of a year award yet ?

That would be a deal breaker for me. One has to be fluid with a partner and responsive to their experience.

Warning: Someone had emotions in a relationship.
Let it out honey. You just wanted an excuse to leave, and you might have well said its because he wasn't tall enough.

This person is obviously not mature enough for a serious relationship. To contact him again will only hurt you more. If he's playing video games 12 hours a day weeks on end at his age, that's bad. It's made worse when he makes no effort to make you happy. You also mention he has no interest in trying to grow as a person and as a couple. I don't see what good this relationship serves you other than the self-worth of knowing someone wants to be with you? I think you made the right choice honestly, if he can't change find someone who can make you happy.

You can achieve reconciliation and remain single. That's basically where I am, though it's more of a hiatus due to distance & work/school for me. Specrumites like me don't predicate love on convenience, though guys my age who marathon videogames all day probably do. My favorite lady expressed annoyance about her ex doing so, makes perfect sense to me. The best bumper sticker I saw today said being nice to people is a really good idea. Just return kindness in response to anything and you can make peace with yourself & anyone else at once.