I've been thinking about this

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Sorry this is such a long post, I just have many thoughts going on right now.
I can't sleep tonight as I think about the fact that I will never have a girlfriend. Well anyway I have the upmost respect for women, as well as for human life in general. I have morals, I'm able to tell right from wrong, I would ever abuse a girl and If I ever were to have a girlfriend, I would do everything I could to make her happy. All I can ask for is a girlfriend who will stay with me, and as the least have a reasonable amount of things in common with me. There's that, and I'll say it now, I certainly want a girlfriend who likes to cuddle. Sure it might seem weird for a guy like me to say that, but it's the truth. I'm not looking to get it on in bed if you know what I mean. That's not what love is about for me. And sure, sharing a bed with a girl would be great, but it still isn't important. If I do get a girlfriend, I have no intention of ever having kids. I just want someone I can be together with the live the rest of my life alongside. Why is that too much to ask? it may be winter right now, but during the summer when I walk around town, I see a lot of happy couples as well as a lot of girls who are only ever around guys who are total jerks. Why can't I be in a meaningful relationship? I try to be the nicest and kindest person I can be around girls, because I'm the kind of guy who actually cares about being the right guy for a girl, if only I could find the right girl for me. Another thing is I guess you can call me jealous of the guys who have girlfriends who are very attached to them. Those guys might say the girl is "over attached" But in all honestly I'd much rather have a girlfriend who likes me that much then not have one at all. Unfortunately for me, I don't have a girlfriend and never will. Society just doesn't want me too. And it would seem it's doing an awfully successful job at screwing me over in this case.

Anyway, now the really depressing part...
You see I live in a town where every girl is either dating a total jerk, has a kid with a total jerk, or is married, usually to a total jerk. I do not have the means to move somewhere at all nicer in any way. I have no choice but to live with my parents for the foreseeable future. I'm still on probation for something that shouldn't have been a big deal. I can't get a job no matter what I do. People where I live either ignore me or are complete jerks towards me. If I try to talk to anyone they always somehow avoid me, or they attempt to start a fight on a very rare occasion. And yet, here I am, always being kind and polite as much as I can in public, around other people. I often I open doors for people so they can go ahead of me. I try my best to treat everyone with respect, unless they start to disrespect me. I know one guy in town if I ever see him again, I know he will try to start a fight and considering who it is chances are it won't end well for either of us. All this stuff just goes to support that fact that I will be single forever. And I can't stand it anymore. It keeps me from sleeping, it causes me to experience brief moments of rage, it also leads to bizarre and twisted thoughts which I am highly ashamed of. The one thing that ticks me off most, is how hard it is to find someone. At this point in my life, all I want is to find the girl who is right for me. But at this point, it clearly is not possible. I have nothing else to live for anymore and I don't know what to do now. So... I'd hate to give up, but I guess my only option is to let my entire existence go to total waste and eventually die as a lonely and worthless person. I don't want it to end that way. I wish there was something I could do.

Well not trying to be rude, or a smart-ass. But if you truly believe all of those things you wrote specifically....

- Society is screwing me over
- There is nothing I can do
- Girls only like total jerks

Then there isn't any way this can be resolved for you is there? Nothing will stop us more thoroughly from achieving something than the convincing belief that we can't. The first person you have to overcome in your quest is you.

I've already seen plenty of proof that society is constantly trying to destroy me, there are just way too many people out there who hate me, despite the fact that I do my best to be a good person. Some people have even admitted to doing things just to ruin my life. It's obvious that what I said is true, at least it is for where I live. it may be different in other parts of the world, but I don't have the means to go anywhere else. And I'll say this before someone suggest
online dating, it's a scam. One site even admitted to setting people up for failure. So if anyone was going to tell me to try that, there is no way online dating actually works. I had to say that just in case. Anyway, The way I see it, love only comes when the right people meet in real life. And when you consider the town I am forced to live in, for various reasons, unless some girl walks up to me and gives me a chance to show her how good a guy I can be, then it won't happen. I'm about ready to go berserk, I hate being alone. But I am forced to be. Someday I'll get my revenge on society, it just won't be today. I'd do anything for a girlfriend, and I'm afraid what little is left of my sanity will be depleted in a few years if I don't find a reason to live. Since I don't have anything else to live for, I can only think that I either need to live for someone who loves me, or I just need to break down and make my purpose in life be something I don't want it to be. Which would probably result in me dying young or something along those lines. it just makes me so depressed... Chances are I'll be alone forever. But it's something I know I can never accept. I can't accept this as my fate. I need a way to make my life worthwhile. The only thing that could do that is just so far out of my reach... There is no other hope for me if I can't find what I'm looking for. So... yeah, I'm basically screwed. There's got to be a way though. I just don't know how anymore. I've tried everything.

Okay. I didn't mean to invalidate your experience. Expressing empathy isn't my strong suit, so I apologise for that. I do understand that life can really seem rigged in that regard. I've been there too, still get rejected by 98% of people 99% of the time. But the thing is, you have to hold onto even a slither of hope, otherwise everything is truly lost. And another truth I have learnt is this, being in a state of frustration isn't helpful to positive results. Whether we think we outwardly express it or not, others do pick up on that vibe of frustration and avoid us when we feel that way. Surely you have experienced this yourself? I know that when I'm angsty about something it's as if Moses was parting the red sea when I go out in public. Even if I have a smile plastered to my face I cannot hide my frustration.

AS people are intense people, we are focused in a way that NTs just aren't. So while an NT can be in a sh***y mood and people don't take much notice the AS person will stand out a mile. It's just a part of what we are. I'm not going to tell you to go online because I personally think it's a waste of time. It never worked for me. And I'm not going to tell you to be happy single if you really want a partner, I know how futile that is. But what I am going to tell you is that even if you can't change anything else about your situation right now, you can always change your mental state and how heavily you focus on defeat. And that will have a profound effect on whether or not you'll be available to meeting this 'right person' accidentally.

I'll tell you a little story. About 10yrs ago I was desperate for a partner, I went out everyday, put myself in a position to meet people and nothing. It was frustrating as hell. Then one day a guy did happen to meet me, quite out of the blue and he was everything I wanted and he appeared interested too. But I was still so stuck in my feelings of not being good enough, being broken, never happen for me that I missed the opportunity he was clearly presenting. I still think about it 10yrs later....what if. Don't be me, don't be that person so wrapped up in feelings of it not working that you miss a chance. Opportunities are sometimes only seconds long, you have to be in right mental state at the time.

I appreciate the response. I guess that's all I can really say for now.

All the women are with total jerks? Every last one? You're implying you live in some sort of girls-go-for-jerks Mecca and yet want nothing to do with you? This implies that whatever you did is was way, way worse than jerk-dom!

You might also wanna rethink how you describe yourself -- "nice" (blech - that's the go-to adjective of over-entitled dudes) and "not a jerk" aren't exactly selling points.






What, exactly, did you do? Was it a first offense?

Because folks with criminal records get jobs and find loving partners all the time. The former's much harder than finding a job of you've got a clean record but, well, it isn't impossible.





This may be reasonable (you were convicted of raping a 5 yo, staking an ex for the 542nd time) or not (stole $400 of stuff from Walmart).






Treating others civilly (politeness is what keeps the world from descending into anarchy & is all anybody's ENTITLED to, the bare minimum set out in the social contract) is obligatory -- so why do you think you're "owed" stuff (like a girlfriend) for doing so?



Trying's nice and all but do you SUCEED? Cuz "trying" alone's not enough.



Not getting into a fight with that dude is, you know, 100% within your control. You can walk away. Or call 911 (if he threatens you).

It's possible you may well be alone for the rest of your life. You can CHOOSE to stay home with mommy/daddy and sulk, never get a job, never leave town, etc -- and are certainly entitled to do so. That's a CHOICE... you can also make a different one!

Girls don't want NICE guys or BAD guys, they want GOOD guys. You are probably a nice guy and you sound very entitled and bitter. Being nice alone will not get you a girlfriend. Duh.

"Speaking as a former Nice Guy (tm), let me explain.

Most people think there are 2 types of ("normal") guys: Nice Guys and Bad Boys, but there are actually 3, with the third being the rare Good Guy. Most people don't understand that there's a difference between a Nice Guy and a Good Guy, but there is, and it's huge.

We know that girls are attracted to CONFIDENCE, and they're attracted to Bad Boys because they have lots of confidence, as well as some DANGER, which younger/immature girls also find attractive and exciting. But sooner or later, a Bad Boy is going to turn his bad behavior towards the girl.

Nice Guys don't want to be BAD, but they also lack confidence, so they try to compensate for their lack of confidence by being EXTRA nice. In other words, they become a spineless doormat, "letting" the girl make all the decisions, because he figures that if she gets to do everything SHE wants, she'll be happy. He doesn't understand that she doesn't WANT to make decisions, but rather she wants HIM to make the decisions - she just wants her needs and desires to be taken into consideration when he does so. Anyway, Nice Guys are spineless and DESPERATE, and usually pretty shy, and all of that is a huge turn-off to most girls.

Finally, we have the rare Good Guy. A Good Guy is "nice" in that he doesn't hurt people for selfish reasons and is polite and well-mannered, but he also has CONFIDENCE, and TAKES CHARGE, and he doesn't take crap from anyone, even people he likes or wants respect from. He isn't afraid to make decisions, and he isn't bothered by rejection or failure. Most girls want a Good Guy, but they are in very short supply, and tend to "trade at a premium", meaning a Good Guy with average looks often gets a Hot Girl, because his other attributes make up for his lack of looks.

Most girls, if they can't find a Good Guy, would rather have an exciting Bad Boy than a boring, tedious Nice Guy, and Nice Guys can't understand that".