nTs dating Aspies?

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Is it possible for an aspie to have a good relationship (as in boyfriend and girlfriend) with an NT? In the past I have dated NT people with quite serious problems, alcoholic, suicidal and people who are into hard drugs. I think I may have a confidence problem, but I do not believe an NT without some sort of serious problem themselves, would accept me. Do you think this is a realistic view?

I think it is perfectly possible for an NT to accept you romantically.

Tim

It can and does work for some.It depends what you want in a relationship. Have you tried aspie men?I think they would be less likely to have drug/alcohol problems,these tend to be NT things.

I think it's possible as long as the other person accepts the AS partners differences and all and supports them. I've never quite had a relationship with an NT that was every fully good unfortunately.

Teenage NT girls won't accept me for WHO I AM,and are complete sluts.

I've been in relationships with NT's before. None of them really understand me or my issues though,so it didn't work out. I know that there's someone for me,though,and hopefully THAT will work out.

-SpaceCase

it can work but i just depends who the NT is and how important some things are to you/her

personally i have found that generally NT girls don't understand or accept me so really i do think it is pointless for me to try with NTs

Hmmm Well, all my dating was with NTs. I married an NT and he's it for me. We've been married a long time. If you are with people with addiction problems that won't work out certainly. I always attract the same kind of NT guys (being a woman). They're all either A/R or OCD, so they take care of all the mundane stuff because it feeds their need to control their environment. I just like an orderly environment without all the work that goes into keeping that up. The ones I've known have liked very minimalist looks in their environments and sedate colors and lighting. They were always intellectuals. They were also protective, at least of me, and acted as my social ears and eyes. Some don't like AS/NT, I guess, but I think they lessen the stress of the world for me and my husband definitely has a great deal to do with why I am happy. He buffers me from the world so that I'm not constantly dealing with all that crap (the phone, the door, the neighbors, etc.) Also, the ones I've known, including my husband, were quiet and serious guys so they didn't have a problem with my need for solitude and quiet. In fact, I can be in the same room with him doing my own thing and not get stressed. He doesn't freak out if I just stare into space for 30 minutes or more. That really isn't possible for me with anyone else.

For me, I'm not sure an Aspie would work out. It would almost be like which one of us would have to get stressed buffering out the world or taking care of the mundane. I've probably been too long in this kind of relationship to ever be able to deal with that change.

maybe - i had a 5-year relationship with an NT girl, sometimes it was very bad, soemtimes very good. however she did have all sorts of issues without which we would have never dated.

I've found that a NT girl may be better than another Aspie. If she's understanding, that is. NT girls are likely to be more flexible, and can adapt themselves to fit our habits and rituals. To an NT girl, it's no problem to have to walk with me in a certain route everywhere. But what if it were another Aspie, and she felt equally strong about walking in a certain route to the store, but it was a different route? Pandemonium ensues...

That's the problem with dating another Aspie, unless the obsessions and peculiarities match perfectly (and what are the odds of that?) then the differences can't be bridged. With one Aspie and one NT, the NT may be able to bridge the gap better, as long as they're understanding as to why.

Absolutely. If they're not especially messed up.

It can work, if both are good people who care about the other and who will try to meet the other one halfway - in other words, who will try to understand the other person and that persons' limitations. I mean that from both sides. The AS and NT will have to spend some amount of time explaining themselves to the other one.

The AS/NT relationships I have heard of where it did not work, were the ones where the AS was undiagnosed and/or unaccepting of the diagnosis, or the NT kept wanting the AS to change completely and just 'be normal'.

Neither side should see the other one as wrong or themselves as totally right. Both should be willing to accept the other one's differences. But also, both should try to make the other one happy as much as possible. For instance, if it is something small that does not hurt to change, why not, if it makes the other person happy? Such as putting socks in the drawer, or dressing nice to meet their family. Things like that seem reasonable. Things like going out every night if you are not a social person, do not.

NT/NT can have similar problems, as personalities run the gamut within NT just like they do among AS. So to some degree this depends upon personality. Above all don't sell yourself short, don't 'settle' for just anyone and don't think of yourself as deserving less than you want.

I'm begining to realize, the more that I look into Asperger's, that just about everyone who has been important in my life shows a significant number of the traits. I'm not sure that I can bear people who don't - they either come off as fake, or just lacking.

I've had similar experiences in the dating department as you Grim. Interesting views... My experience is that long term relationships with NT's are for the most part very difficult to maintain. Thus, I've given up on pursuing relationships with NT types. However, I am open minded and will consider the possibility. Some here are successful with those type of relationships, so I quess anything is possible.

I dated 'NT' people online, and it was bad...