Do you date or have a girlfriend when on SSI?

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K_Kelly
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01 Sep 2016, 9:02 pm

Hello, I'm wondering if anybody who doesn't have a real job but lives on SSI have any dates or girlfriends. I'm thinking about living on SSI until I can find some employment.

I understand that especially long-term relationships are dicey when you don't have a stable employment.

I believe I still have some chance because i was in a relationship before. How do I go about this?



314pe
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02 Sep 2016, 1:56 am

Sure you can have a girlfriend as long as you have realistic standards. If you're looking for someone who's is very conventionally attractive then this person is likely to have high standards for a partner.

For example, would you be truly happy if you got together with your ex?



K_Kelly
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02 Sep 2016, 6:48 am

My ex is out of the picture now. What was that question for actually?



314pe
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02 Sep 2016, 8:26 am

K_Kelly wrote:
My ex is out of the picture now. What was that question for actually?

You said she wasn't attractive enough. So yes, that proves you can find a girlfriend, but it doesn't prove that you can find someone attractive enough. Only you decide and only you can know.
K_Kelly wrote:
My current girlfriend I can't find attractive enough to actually date her. I'm going to finally end the relationship this Summer.



The Grand Inquisitor
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02 Sep 2016, 9:37 am

Let me put it this way. Girls who can do better than you probably won't be interested in you. Seeing as you made a thread on pretty women, I'd assume you understand that there is a certain element of superficiality within relationships and dating. That superficiality doesn't only relate to looks.

A woman who has moved out of home, and who has a stable job is much more likely to rule you out as a potential match than a woman in a more similar living and working position to yours. I think a good way to approach whether a relationship is viable at this point is asking yourself if you would date a female version of yourself. If the answer is no, you probably have work to do before you're in a position to date anyone. Obviously there's nothing wrong with being open to a relationship, but I think you'd have a better chance of finding someone if you first focus on making yourself a more viable partner.



K_Kelly
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02 Sep 2016, 1:50 pm

Unfortunately, I have been focusing too much on finding a stable job where I haven't even met the solid foundations for one yet. :(



nick007
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03 Sep 2016, 2:47 am

I got my 2nd & current girlfriend when I was on SSDI & making only alittle more than SSI; I'm still on it BTW. I met both women on this forum by making LOTS of post about being lonely, want I wanted in a relationship, what I had to offer besides material things, & the way my personality is within a relationship. My 2nd girlfriend was in college & wanted to train service dogs. My current girlfriend is on SSI herself & has other benefits including food-stamps & Section 8 Housing voucher. I'm classified as her caretaker so her benefits would be better. She has depression & anxiety issues & has lived alone for a year but couldn't handle it. I've been through depression & anxiety before & can relate to her issues better than anyone else thou not fully & I try my very best to be supportive.


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04 Sep 2016, 6:31 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Let me put it this way. Girls who can do better than you probably won't be interested in you. Seeing as you made a thread on pretty women, I'd assume you understand that there is a certain element of superficiality within relationships and dating. That superficiality doesn't only relate to looks.

A woman who has moved out of home, and who has a stable job is much more likely to rule you out as a potential match than a woman in a more similar living and working position to yours. I think a good way to approach whether a relationship is viable at this point is asking yourself if you would date a female version of yourself. If the answer is no, you probably have work to do before you're in a position to date anyone. Obviously there's nothing wrong with being open to a relationship, but I think you'd have a better chance of finding someone if you first focus on making yourself a more viable partner.


Unfortunately for me, I never meet a female version of myself.

I'm from a lower-middle class/poorer background and every girl I meet in the same position in life as me has 'accepted her fate'.

What I mean is, despite being born with Aspergers, Anxiety and Agoraphobia, and having a family high in substance abuse, unemployment, high school dropouts, untreated mental illness, and general low-lifes of the criminal and/or bogan' variety, etc. I am working my hardest to be fit, healthy, hygienic, well-groomed, well-mannered, social, confident, friendly, positive, hardworking, and successful financially, educationally and career-wise.

I am 'different' from most of my family and friends, and all I ever ask for is an average looking girl who I am emotionally and physically attracted to who is different to hers as well, and is putting even as much as a half-a55ed effort in life as I am.

Instead, most of the other lower-middle class girls have been too influenced by their families. They tend to be bitter, jaded, aggressive, have had traumatic pasts and may still currently have a 'hard life' and bad home life, and don't take care of their physical and mental health or appearance at all (substance abuse, self-harmers, aggressive, sociopathic/cruel, smokers, poor diets, poor hygiene, etc.)

Still, for some reason I naturally gravitate towards these types, and I can't get along with or relate to middle class girls and they tend not to accept me for being disabled/not employed and not in education. The 'messed up' girls also are more likely to accept me for who I am.

The only girl I met in my entire life who was 'different' than her family, I did have a crush on her, and she liked me back, but we were both over each other by the time I contacted her again after she moved far away abruptly.

I seriously doubt I'll ever meet a rare gem like that ever again.

I am in a tiny, rare grey area - not good enough for regular middle class girls, and I feel too ambitious and hardworking to have to settle for lower middle class girls who are negative and would probably drag me down like my family already do.

:(



sly279
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05 Sep 2016, 1:29 am

Seems to be very few women on ssi/ssdi. And the ones on it can always date up, so why would they date a guy on ssi. Likewise for min wage women. None of them seem interested in guys who work min wage as they want guys with middle clas jobs only. Guys date down,women date up. Is what I'm told. But who do guys on the bottom(ssi/minwage which is below homeless it seems) date? European women seem more accepting maybe but then their off limits dating wise so could just be lying to make guys feel better knowing they'd never have to date them. Really feels like men on ssi are just s burden to society and to ourselves. I'll never be happy alone,mill always be alone because I was born wrong. Might been better if the gov just killed me as a infant. I'm just a worthless drain on everyone else and annoyance to women everywhere :cry:



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05 Sep 2016, 2:47 am

sly279 wrote:
Seems to be very few women on ssi/ssdi. And the ones on it can always date up, so why would they date a guy on ssi. Likewise for min wage women. None of them seem interested in guys who work min wage as they want guys with middle clas jobs only. Guys date down,women date up. Is what I'm told. But who do guys on the bottom(ssi/minwage which is below homeless it seems) date? European women seem more accepting maybe but then their off limits dating wise so could just be lying to make guys feel better knowing they'd never have to date them. Really feels like men on ssi are just s burden to society and to ourselves. I'll never be happy alone,mill always be alone because I was born wrong. Might been better if the gov just killed me as a infant. I'm just a worthless drain on everyone else and annoyance to women everywhere :cry:


There's somebody for everybody. 9 times out of 10 they won't be the person in our dreams.



sly279
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05 Sep 2016, 3:43 am

Empress83 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems to be very few women on ssi/ssdi. And the ones on it can always date up, so why would they date a guy on ssi. Likewise for min wage women. None of them seem interested in guys who work min wage as they want guys with middle clas jobs only. Guys date down,women date up. Is what I'm told. But who do guys on the bottom(ssi/minwage which is below homeless it seems) date? European women seem more accepting maybe but then their off limits dating wise so could just be lying to make guys feel better knowing they'd never have to date them. Really feels like men on ssi are just s burden to society and to ourselves. I'll never be happy alone,mill always be alone because I was born wrong. Might been better if the gov just killed me as a infant. I'm just a worthless drain on everyone else and annoyance to women everywhere :cry:


There's somebody for everybody. 9 times out of 10 they won't be the person in our dreams.


Doesn't seem like that implies to men society deems as worthless.
I don't really have a dream person. The question"what do you desire in a woman" always throws me. I'd desire they be themselves. There's things I don't like(abusive, smokes, drinks a lot, etc) but really only want someone I find attractive(most women) and who get along with. Never understood why most people have these long list of requirements for a mate.



Sabreclaw
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05 Sep 2016, 4:09 am

I've got a pretty rough idea of my "dream" girlfriend. Only problem is that she's out of my league - she's too good for any human in fact. Also she doesn't operate within the laws of physics, so yeah, definitely just a dream. :P

For a more realistic dream, I'm don't have a specific outline of what she should be. Ideally I'd meet her in a natural setting and we'd bond over time, not me going on a wild goose chase in that stupid dating system.



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05 Sep 2016, 4:46 am

'Dream girlfriend'?

As if I'd want to date my dream girlfriend!!

BAH, all I truly desire is someone who takes care of her health (physical and mental) as much as the average person, lives close enough to see her at least every weekend (e.g. 1-2 hours), that I'm physically attracted to her (very easy, I'm attracted to 90% of young girls and women aged 16-25), we have a compatible personality (I like her for her, and she for me) and she's not cruel/mean/aggressive/negative/won't drag me down with her like her family has.

Anything beyond that is just salad dressing.

I'm trying to lower my standards as much as possible without dating someone I'd be repulsed by or someone who's just not right for me.



kraftiekortie
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05 Sep 2016, 6:55 am

^^You should disseminate what music you've made. Have you ever submitted anything on WP?

Of course, this is redundant---but getting out of the house more would increase your chances, too. Going to the parkour park or whatever. There are chicks who into guys who do parkour and other athletic things.

Hurtloam seemed enchanted by your posts---and she's about 10 years your senior.

I dunno....what's holding you back? I really wish I knew.

Then, of course, the Mantra applies: get into University. Is there any way you could increase your choices at University by taking courses, and getting good grades in them? That would increase your opportunities at least tenfold.

Nope....I've never read "The Power of Positive Thinking" or whatever....I absolutely detest "self-improvement" type books or whatever.

But I know you have a better chance than you think you do.



lidsmichelle
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05 Sep 2016, 9:21 am

Idk my boyfriend is on SSI. Doesn't bother me. I have a job that makes about $1.25 above minimum wage where I live (min wage in Washington is $9.47). I have plans to better myself by attending college once I turn 24.

To be fair he's also attending college with the intent of getting employment that works with his aspies and anxiety, but I'd still date him if he wasn't.


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05 Sep 2016, 9:33 am

You have to find someone who has very low standards which is alot of females these days :P Lets put it this way, if chicks can dig a guy who's behind bars and literally go to the jail every day to visit then that same chick can take her chances with someone who lives off a check every month.