How to indirectly reject my co worker?
Hi everyone I posted a question not too long ago about a co worker that I have crush on. I haven't seen him for a while since he took someone off work.
However this situation is with different co worker who I suspect likes me but unfortunately I don't feel the same way. This other co worker that works in different departments from me . I don't see him often. However, when ever I see him he always smiles and his face lights up. Sometimes he would stop by and have chat asking how I am doing etc. Even when I am sitting down in the lunch room on break time he would come and sit down for a bit to chat.
I have been getting a vibe that he is interested in but since he hasn't made a move, I decided to not worry about it and just continue being friendly. However, I last time when I was sitting in the lunch room with another co worker he came and sat down our table. He was finishing his shift going home.
He started chatting but I didn't really make eye contact with that much. I kept talking to the other co worker I was with. I didn't ignore him but I try to come off as not interested in having a convo with him since I already sense that he is interested so subconsciously I don't want to appear overly friendly and send the wrong the impression
Then he asked me if I was working tomorrow and I said no then he was like maybe I should call you then he pulled out his cell phone. I didn't respond then I got up to get my food in the microwave .He got up and said bye to the other co worker. Then he looked at me again while he was walking away and said again that he wants to call me tomorrow but I didn't respond and said bye to him.
The thing is,I don't give my number if I am not interested. I like the guy as friend but I don't want to lead the person on and gave the wrong idea. I know he hasn't flat out told me that he likes me but I could from his body language .I know he is interested
do you he will get the hint?
ARE you interested in him?
- If yes, then take it slow, as you find out more about him.
- If no, then report his unwanted attention to another co-worker, your supervisor, and/or Human Resources.
Harassment is against the law, and if you really want him to leave you alone, then a stern warning from your employer should drive him away.
- If yes, then take it slow, as you find out more about him.
- If no, then report his unwanted attention to another co-worker, your supervisor, and/or Human Resources.
Harassment is against the law, and if you really want him to leave you alone, then a stern warning from your employer should drive him away.
Unfortunately I am not interested in this co worker. However, i have a crush on another co worker at work but he hasn't made a move.

Wait another day and see if he still hits on you. Chances are he has already gotten the hint.
And if he is completely oblivious and he continues to hit on you, just tell him you're not interested in the most polite way possible. If he asks why, then give him the truth. That way he won't continue to obsess over you and he will move on and you don't have to deal with him hitting on you anymore. It's a win-win situation.
And in the worse case scenario, he continues to stalk you and hit on you even after you tell him. But this is unlikely. Most guys will stop after you tell them you're not interested.
OliveOilMom
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- If yes, then take it slow, as you find out more about him.
- If no, then report his unwanted attention to another co-worker, your supervisor, and/or Human Resources.
Harassment is against the law, and if you really want him to leave you alone, then a stern warning from your employer should drive him away.
Fnord, now that isn't harassment. That is a guy trying to ask out a coworker. All workplace flirtation isn't harassment, even if it's legally defined so. I think it's harassment if she tells him no and he keeps on. Not taking a hint when she didn't answer him can be iffy, so once she tells him no then it can be harassment if he keeps on. It might be harassment if it's your boss and he's much older than you (in this scenario Fnord, you are a 20 something very pretty and well built and charming lady) or you are way out of his league to the point it's obvious that he's using his position to get in your pants, etc. This could also work with a lady boss and a dude employee too, so it's not all one sided. But an equal or close to equal level person asking you out isn't harassment if he doesn't keep on. We don't need to be so sensitive to the possibility that it might end up being something completely different than what it looks like that we ban any kind of work flirtation. Some places do that already and also relationships but I think thats wrong. If you can't handle your s**t then you shouldn't get in a workplace relationship anyway because it's probably not going to be happily ever after and you'll see them every day, so be sure of how you can deal with it before you take that weekend seminar.

As for the OP, I'd just wait until he asks again, if he does, and say "I'm really busy right now and have a lot going on in my life, but thank you." and leave it at that. If he asks again say something like "I'm just not interested in any socializing right now." and if he does it again, then tell him to stop it or you'll report him and if he doesn't stop, report him. You could report him after the second turn down if you want but I think it might be premature because he may be trying to figure out if you mean dating or any socializing. But just tell him that you are busy, in a polite way, not in an ugly tone or anything and then move on. He should be able to handle it politely too and if not then you have a problem.
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Sorry, OOM, but I've been on the receiving end of a "friendly warning" from a previous employer for only saying "Good Morning" to some female co-workers, and not to others. This was construed as harassment by those whom I had allegedly "snubbed", and HR was only too glad to rush in and make an example of me. This was all perfectly legal, because ...
I think the coworkers who felt snubbed should have said something to you,and then if you didn't care THEN it would be OK to get you in trouble.
It doesnt matter what is written in the rulebook because that is written in an open ended way to cover all the bases.
So in the same vein i think OP should try handling it until she feels the guy is being unreasonable.
My opinions here are just to reduce the overall level of cruelty.
OliveOilMom
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So then you know how stupid that rule is! Don't be trying to get people to think like it then! Tell them about what happened to you and show them the thing you show here and tell people to not follow some arbitrary line they are told to toe just because it's defined on paper as harassment. Encourage people to do the thing that fewer and fewer people are doing nowdays, and that's to use their own brain and common sense.
Sure if somebody feels like it's harassment even if it's not meant that way then report it but if you don't feel harassed by it, just annoyed and it's normal and not creepy or pervy or anything then handle it and go on about your business. Maybe more people will follow suit.
Thats just insane. I think a friendly workplace is nice. If they thought you were shunning them or something by not saying good morning, they should have said real happy and loud "MORNING FNORD!! !" and waved and posed and maybe blew some kisses to get you to laugh at it and then maybe say something like "Now don't ignore us anymore!" in a fun and joking way. To me that would have been a friendly and fun way of not feeling ignored. To some that would seem mean and harassment but I would mean it in a fun way. Anyplace I've ever worked people could do things like that and be friendly and hang out after work together if they wanted and people dated and people would joke around and all and it just makes the whole day go by much faster and it's a lot more pleasant to be around people who are having fun from time to time while getting the work done than by people who are just drudging alone afraid to say boo to a goose.
I'd have fun working with you Fnord. Either we would have fun or you would hate me lol.
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Shoulda ... Woulda ... Coulda ... It makes no difference what might have been. That company no longer exists.
Back to the topic.
The OP can either continue to treat the unwanted person as if he wasn't there; she could tell him politely that she's not interested; she could tell him not-so-politely to get lost; or she could get someone else to intervene and give the guy a 'friendly' warning to look elsewhere for love and romance.
Those are her options. The choice is hers.
OliveOilMom
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Yes, but now I'm worried about what I told her to say because she has a crush on another guy at work. So if she say's she's not interested in socializing right now or that she's really busy with her life now, it might get back to the one she likes and could discourage him from asking her out.
Here is the revised edition. Tell him first "Thank you, but I don't think that's a good idea", then if he asks a second time say "I don't think it would work out, so no". That way you don't give a "busy with life" line which could take you out of the running for the one you do like.
As for the one you like, so you smile at him or talk to him? Do you do anything to give him a clue? You don't want to be too obvious in case he doesn't like you back, so it won't be awkward but you want to give signals that you would be interested. What's the deal with him?
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My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

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Sweetleaf
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Uhh the best way to let someone know you aren't interested in anything beyond friendship or acquaintanceship is to communicate it directly...trying to make hints or indirectly communicate it is how people get the wrong idea, and potentially do end up feeling led on because the person wasn't up front. It is possible to remain friendly and if he inquires about wanting to go out with you or something then tell him you aren't interested in that.
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Sweetleaf
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- If yes, then take it slow, as you find out more about him.
- If no, then report his unwanted attention to another co-worker, your supervisor, and/or Human Resources.
Harassment is against the law, and if you really want him to leave you alone, then a stern warning from your employer should drive him away.
I don't see where it is implied there is harrassment going on...talking to a co-worker and asking if you can give them a call is hardly harrassment. Harassment would be if he tries making unwanted advances after being asked not to, but as far as I can tell the OP has not expressed their dis-intrest to this individual. Though in cases of harrassment that is certainly the best way to handle it....but seems like it might be kind of over-kill for this.
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Sweetleaf
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But it specifies unwelcome conduct that mocks, demeans, puts down, disparages, or ridicules the employee, and includes physical assualts, threats, offensive jokes, name calling, offensive nicknames and offensive pictures or objects or interferes with the employees ability to do their job.
How does a guy simply socializing or even asking a female co-worker out constitute harassment even in those terms? Not saying females cannot report such things as harrassment and have action taken...but its still screwed up and legal sexism as far as I am concerned. , I mean somehow I doubt a guy can have such action taken if a female they aren't attracted to has a crush on them and is pestering them.
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AngelRho
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There's a reason for that, then. Among many other things, your company didn't practice basic human decency. They in one way or another got what was coming to them.
Laws like that exist to give someone a way to protect themselves through the justice system. The proper way to handle these situations is directly. "You're a great person to work with and I'm glad to be on the same team with you. But I'm worried that taking our relationship to a new level outside work would be harmful to what we have here. Besides, we could possibly get in trouble with upper management, and I like you too much to want to see that happen. So for now, how about we just keep this professional? I'd very much like that."
If someone is persistent, you say, "Honestly, that's not in my best interest…or yours. With all due respect, let's please not have this conversation again."
At this point, you've been diplomatic enough. The rule for complaints in the workplace is down with the positives, up with the negatives. In other words, don't gossip, don't trash coworkers with coworkers, and don't talk about anybody unless you're saying something positive. You go to your superiors in private if you're having issues with another person. So report it the third time and thereafter.
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But it specifies unwelcome conduct that mocks, demeans, puts down, disparages, or ridicules the employee, and includes physical assualts, threats, offensive jokes, name calling, offensive nicknames and offensive pictures or objects or interferes with the employees ability to do their job.
How does a guy simply socializing or even asking a female co-worker out constitute harassment even in those terms? Not saying females cannot report such things as harrassment and have action taken...but its still screwed up and legal sexism as far as I am concerned. , I mean somehow I doubt a guy can have such action taken if a female they aren't attracted to has a crush on them and is pestering them.
It's a very poor implementation of law and overall bad HR policy. If I were a CEO and someone came to me with that, I'd actually investigate to see what was happening before I made a decision. I'd have called Fnord in and leveled with him, advise him on what's been said, and suggest he keep quiet around coworkers for a couple of weeks until everything blows over. If the woman in question persisted in making baseless accusations, I'd call her in and say "we have dealt with the problem, he has been warned, and the behavior has stopped. You may dispense with this unwarranted behavior, or you can tell us what the problem REALLY is. If not, I'll be happy to write a recommendation for you." If she goes running her mouth to co-workers, I'll call her in again and remind her that our company policy has zero tolerance for that. If she continues, I'm sending her packing.
She could sue, but she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Even if I ended up having to pay a judgment, she's still gone and the rest of my employees can feel free to work in a friendly environment.
The best thing, though, is to just not hire people who are going to act like that. You can't screen out all the crazies, but it's always worth it to try. Fnord's company went away for a reason, and I suspect what happened to him was merely one symptom of a much larger problem.