Afraid of becoming obsessive

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Does anyone else feel this way? Like I'm afraid of letting myself like someone because I'm worried I'll become obsessive or have that person become my new interest.

I don't find myself interested by people often. It seems like I only meet someone who piques my interest once every 4-5 years. I just don't trust very many people so on the rare occasion when I get introduced to someone who appears to be kind, sensitive, and honest, I find myself getting excited and wanting to get to know this person more. 4 years ago I met a guy who was like that and anytime he arrived where I was, this huge grin would sweep across my face and I would blush from the mere sight of him. We started hanging out a lot together, sometimes with mutual friends other times one-on-one, and I liked that when we were alone together he wasn't pushing for intimacy (even though I did want it, I just wasn't 100% sure about him yet). He seemed OK with just talking and spending time together. I was a bit obsessive over him in my mind, but I managed to restrain myself and keep a healthy distance. Though the more I got to know him, the more I realized he wasn't as sensitive and kind as I initially thought. Sometimes I would catch him being cruel and judgmental towards people he barely knew. And that eventually turned me off from him completely because I could see that he was no different than anyone else. I have very idealistic views when it comes to who I see myself with romantically. I know that my hardcoded views will only deliver me an exceptionally lonely life, but I can't help it. I guess it's that black-and-white thinking we have that makes it so hard.

So now more recently, there's this guy I met at a party (that I didn't want to go to initially, but my friend said I should go) who I believe might be an aspie like me. I noticed that he was with his group of friends, but he wasn't engaged in conversation with any of them. He was standing a little off to the side observing his friends, not smiling/frowning, and looking a bit zoned out. He looked out of place among them and I remember all I could think about was how I am pretty much the same way around my friends at parties. I find it difficult to join and follow the pace of big group conversations. I guess I had drank enough alcohol to have the courage to walk over to him, though I didn't know what to say. He had this surprised look on his face when I walked up to him. I'm not sure what that look meant. Maybe he was surprised that I noticed him at all and that I was trying to talk to him. Or maybe he thought I looked "weird". Or maybe he was daydreaming and I startled him, I don't know. He seemed very shy and couldn't hold eye contact, though neither could I so it worked out. I think he was intimidated by me, and I was intimidated by him. We would ask each other questions and we'd both clam up or stutter our words. But he did manage to tell me that he liked how honest and direct I am. He spoke softly and seemed kind. There's something about him that piqued my interest. He wasn't loud, brash, or trying to impress me with his masculinity. I didn't get to talk with him much because my friends were leaving the party and one of them was giving me a ride home so I had to go.

Though I was invited to an event that he seems to be going to (I saw the guest list on facebook), and I'd like the chance to talk with him more, but I'm worried now that the real reason I want to go is just to talk to him. Am I letting myself become obsessed? Is the intrigue for this guy the normal healthy amount or is it excessive? Should I not go to this party? I want to pursue him because I am interested in getting to know him, but at what point does it become obsessive? I wish I could talk to my friends about this, but most of them still don't believe that I am autistic. I doubt they would understand.

This is something I really suffer from as well - when I was little I was very much a 'checker' with things like light switches and washing my hands, but I got over that as part of my OCD. Now I've obsessed over relationships and people and I've hurt my ex quite a lot with that - and am still obsessing over the breakup, too. It's nice to know there are other people out there who might be similar though!

To be honest, I think you should attend and go talk to him. I mean I can't tell you how many times where iv'e liked a girl and I was too scared to take the initiative and waiting for her to show signs and I let her just walk away because she assumed I was uninterested. The point of the story is that maybe he's a shy guy and he is infatuated with you and he's waiting for you to initiate a conversation with him. All you have to do is walk up and talk to him and if that means you have to ask for his number, then do it. Now he may not like you and he's just being friendly but that's okay too.


Relationship wise, you absolutely have to show some interest in the other person. That's my problem right there, when I like someone I tend to close myself off and I never attempt to talk to my crush so the relationship never builds and I never get a chance. It's because i'm scared. I think to myself, what if she doesn't like me back? Or what if she thinks i'm too needy or coming on too strong? What if she never talks to me again? This is because in the past, I was rejected many times and this is what caused me to become this way and closing myself off to pretty girls. That's my biggest fear right there, talking to a girl I like.

Don't be afraid to show some interest in the other person and talk to them because if you never try to initiate and pray that your crush talks to you first, then you're going have to wait a long time depending on your situation. That's the mistake I make every single time and I will continue to make that mistake until I finally work myself up to talk to my crush. And this could be a while.

It's certainly something to be wary about. If you think you're becoming obsessive you should definitely back off and try to focus on something else whenever those obsessive thoughts enter your head. Being obsessed is never a good thing in a relationship (even if both people are obsessed)

Are you sure that this qualifies as an obsession? Obsession is when you are changing your locks, filing restraining orders, etc. Blushing when you talk to someone is a lot less than obsession.

Wanting to go to a party because someone in particular will be there is what everyone does, it is not abnormal or creepy or obsessive at all. Especially in the modern times where you can see the guest list on Facebook, have your friends text you his every move, etc - not only do NTs do this, sometimes it seems like what they live for

It's like going to a music festival to see your favorite band. A lot that doesn't excite you is there, but there is a main attraction.

You have a crush on him! Embrace it. Put yourself in his presence. If he is shy and sweet, he'll be careful not to do anything to hurt your feelings, even if he is not attracted to you. If he is Aspie, he'll be awkward at times, try to work with it and know that any blunt comments that slip out aren't mean or venomous. I think you have very little to risk in this situation.

I'm not obsessed with him, but if I pursue him further I'm afraid I will become obsessed. There was one guy that I really liked about 8 years ago who I did obsess over. He was my friend and I was attracted to him and had a fear of him abandoning our friendship. I had his schedule memorized and stalked him around school. He eventually picked up on that and distanced himself from me. I felt so ashamed of myself and heartbroken at the same time. That was a long time ago and I've tried really hard not to let myself get to that level again with others, but I still fear it sometimes.

I don't know if I should pursue this guy. It's gotten more complicated now because I learned that an NT friend of mine is interested in this guy too. Though she only seems to be interested in him for his physical appearance, whereas I wish to have an intellectual conversation with him. She's talked to him more than I have, but apparently he didn't have much to say to her. So this becomes an even more stressful situation now with my friend involved. I'm not sure what to do.