If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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I wonder why do people continue dating, having relationships in their 30's, 40's, and beyond? When so much of culture defines dating and relationships is something that young people do, like teens and 20's

Lol, this. My boyfriend was nearly 28 when he met me. I am his first girlfriend. He told me that it went alot better with girls when he became more satisfied with the person he was, became more confident, and started to act less desperate and bittered towards women. He also admitted that he was very socially awkward with women before he met me. The thing that worked for him was changing his attitude and make himself a more appealing 'package' (by developing himself as a whole person). So yes, it's definitely possible to get a girlfriend when you are 27.

well that was nice to hear, was he financially stable when you met him? just asking because i'm wondering if him being financially stable or not was a decision in making you choose to date him.

Yes and no. He works by an employment agency so he is not officially employed at the company where he works. He has always gotten a contract renewal so far (every six months), but they haven't given him a contract of indefinite duration (despite his intelligence and efforts), so he can't buy a house yet and still lives with his parents. He hopes to get a steady contract by the end of june, but this remains uncertain. So there is always uncertainty that he might lose his job until he gets that contract. It didn't really affect my decision to be with him, since we are both still students. The most important thing to me was that he was making an effort and he was not sitting still. He wasn't just in his room all day doing nothing but gaming. He was working, studying, travelling, busy with his hobbies. He wasn't passive, so to speak. He tried.

Since your a girl, do you feel you have it easy, lucky in dating since the pressure is not on you to make the first move and do the asking out, taking the lead?

video games is a hobby. so people playing them are busy with their hobby.
so if he'd was a graduated from school and jobless would you still dated him. or would that make the other good stuff not enough?

I'm trying, but to others they'd say I'm not passive or trying depends on how people define it. its a upsetting term.

sly, the trouble with you is that you have no ambition. Video games as a hobby is perfectly fine, but you need to do MORE with your life and your time than just that!! ! Otherwise women will think you're a loser.





Traditionally(from the early 60s and before that) people would date in their teens and 20s, then get hitched and have kids and ideally live happily ever after. But now that people live longer and increasingly women don't have a necessity in finding a husband(along with the widespread availability of contraceptives and abortion on demand), people in their 20s these days aren't focused on commitment and are more focused on having fun. They wait until their 30s to really get serious. As for people dating in their 40s and beyond, many of those people are divorcees.

So the cultural definition of dating that you depict as being for the young is holdover from a bygone era. Dating culture changes drastically from one generation to the next. My parents were baby boomers and when they were in their teens and 20s the focus wasn't on dating, it was on "free love"(read orgies and polyamory). Eventually a lot of those people did settle down and get married once they were in their 30s and waited until they were practically middle aged to start having children.

I don't think it's ever too late... to be honest I would be super relieved to find a guy who didn't have tonnes of experience and past lovers, because I'm so scared of intimacy, and if they were shy too then the spotlight wouldn't all be on me to improve. Plus there are plenty of people out there who have a list of ex partners a mile long who are such a***holes, who nobody should touch with a barge pole, and it's obvious nobody would ever stay with them for long.

You're gonna have so much more maturity and care a lot more about the relationship because you're not going for the quick shag between classes that seems to be the relationship trigger for people who start early lol.

No I don't feel I have it easy. I rarely get approached by the other gender, except by thugs. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and I asked him out. I also tend to take the 'lead' in my relationships.



This.

See, that's what I keep trying to say. Guys say they're hard done by because they have to work up the nerve to ask the girl out. A rejection could be a simple "no thankyou" but some guys like like to imagine it will be "How dare you ask me out, creep!" Anyway, my point is the traditional system of guy asks girl out is not easy for girls because girls have no control over it. In the old style system, a guy can ask a girl out whenever he wants but the girl had to wait, sometimes for years. A guy could ask out any girl out of dozens but a girls choices were limited to one or two guys who had already asked her out.

So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.

It's bad for girls because many of them receive unwanted attention from men they're not interested in. And besides, there's no rule that girls can't express interest in guys. The old system where a woman had to wait for the man to ask her out is a thing of the past(IF it ever actually existed). Courtship rules change radically from one generation to the next and these days, a lot of men and women don't actually follow them which is why quite a few of your Aspies seem to be extremely confused.

Women who claim to be old fashioned and want men to ask them out and will never ask a man out nor flirt with him when they're actually interested are wanting to have their egos stroked by making guys do all the work. Every time I've asked out a woman like *that*, either online or offline, the answer is negative. And yet, I HAVE had girlfriends before and gone on plenty of dates! For every date who I've met online, it was she who sent the first message. When I take the initiative so send the first message, even if she replies and there's correspondence, it goes NOWHERE. Perhaps my experience isn't all that common though.

As uncomfortable as it is, the guys ask system arguably favors men since they are more likely to end up with who they want: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stable_mar ... e_solution That probably doesn't really apply those who are shy though.

P.S. People, please don't leave five levels of nested quotes in your posts. You're wearing out my page down key!

like half of gamers are women. so theres women out there who don't think gamers are losers. also I play like 3-2 hours a day with clan maybe more if I have a new game. I also have nothing else to do currently since I have no job and am in program to find one but applying and applying now waiting to hear back had one interview waiting for maybe 2nd one.

yep I'm not competitive,ie ambitious. I'm fine with that. leads to stress, wasting your life away working 20 hours a day, losing your family, hating others cause they'll higher then you, being mean to others to get ahead, etc. I'd rather not be part of that kill or be killed ambitious life style.
I have my other hobbies, and besides from what I've seen a guy can work 40+ hours a week making 20 an hour and women still seem as a loser because he hasn't quite his job to get another and climb the ladder, cause when you reach the top and there's no where to go the next ambitious thing to do is get a new job at the bottom somewhere and climb again.

really sounds horrible to me. its just a code word for you not living life like me so you're a loser. I wasted my life working and so do you. work isn't life to me, its just a way to get money to live my life.


even hear its split. and in the general population most won't ask a guy out. at least in the usa. where we are still raised being told the guy asks out the girl waits. so many still follow that. yes there's some that rebel against it, and each generation I hope will be more and more. but mine is only the 2nd one to rebel and its quite low in numbers.

tradition is quite strongly brainwashed into a lot of people from when their born. most of them will do the same to their kids. not like there ever was a law in the us where women couldn't ask a guy out it was just the culture norm and still sadly mainly is. what changed is you don't have to go on a date with a 24 year girl and her 40 year old dad.

hard to say if I was a woman if this would change. my sisters don't ask guys out its not how they were raised to think.

Regarding the text I highlighted in bold: Nothin' wrong with that! But if you work to get money to live, then what do you see your overarching purpose in life as being? Just to exist and have hobbies to pass the time? I'm not saying there's anything inherently *wrong* with that but since we both live in the USofA this kind of attitude is really looked down upon. But I say focus right now on getting a job and even getting educated if you aren't already(secondary post-HS education)so you have a means to support yourself and live independently. You actually sound very depressed....Are you? If the answer to that question is affirmative then you need to get treatment ASAP.

to have a family. though since that is impossible I just live to live. trying to find enjoyment where i can. all those people work their life away and die, and what do they leave behind nothing. nothing but a wasted life missed enjoyments all so they could have a bunch of money that then goes to the gov. other nations live life for life. wish we hadn't been sold out to the companies in the us.

I'm doing everything I can currently to get a job. still leaves a lot of free time.I did get a degree and two certs. I can't work in that field though so it just useless and gavel me 11k in debt. think we shouldnt' push kids to go to college for just going to college sake, just leaves a lot of people in my position with debt and a degree they can't use. again this supports the companies who want to make money. instead highschool should be spent helping kids find what they good at and can make a living out of. whether that's going to college for a degree or just getting another non degree job.
that said I think it took plenty of ambition to finish high school with regular diploma then attend 4 years of college. way more then any in the gov expected I'd do and more compared to others similar to me in this area. I also had ambition when I tried to join the military even though that didn't pan out. women want success not ambition. as you can have ambition and fail over and over again. yet I keep trying. I admit I may not be doing it as it meets some 50 year old tea parties old ideas. but for a aspie I think i'm trying my hardest I'm doing stuff that makes me scared and anxious. I went to the quite possibly worse job for me and tried.

idk I have happy times. except nights, but then I come here and see people saying people like me won't ever have love and it makes me depressed. so does dating sites. there's no help for me though just born too wrong. I'll never be fully happy alone. to people thats wrong. to others it makes perfect sense. I truely know that people are just different, those who can live happy alone hate those of us who can't cause we're different from them. want everyone to be like them. I can't change how I was born or who I am I desire and need companionship. doesn't mean its the source of all my happiness, just I won't be fully happy without it. which for some and I suspect you, is impossible to understand. just as I could never understand how people can be fully happy alone never seeing another person.

I honestly see no reason for anybody to go to college/university unless they plan to be a doctor or scientist or professional translator/interpreter (due to needing to learn correct grammar/spelling when translating technical-documents).

Anyway in other news related to girl-friends...