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Geekonychus
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17 Apr 2015, 9:25 am

More great Doc Nerdlove articles:

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/10/m ... fails-men/
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/03/toxic-alpha-male/

I can think of several people on this board who fall into exactly the kind of trap described in this article. Especially the guys who espouse alpha/beta nonsense as if it's a real thing.



MollyTroubletail
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17 Apr 2015, 9:35 am

Anyone who tries to define their sexuality based on some popular theory is going to automatically be wrong, if only because they're trying to become something they are not.



slenkar
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17 Apr 2015, 11:15 am

quote from the article:

Quote:
A 2010 study from Rutgers University found that men who abandon “macho” behavior get punished by others; in this case, less macho and self-promoting men applying for jobs suffered from social backlash from prospective employers. Modesty in men was seen as weakness, while it was rewarded in equally competent women applicants.


So you can stop being macho and be poor or try to be macho and get a job that you want



AngelRho
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17 Apr 2015, 11:37 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Anyone who tries to define their sexuality based on some popular theory is going to automatically be wrong, if only because they're trying to become something they are not.

QFT



Lazar_Kaganovich
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17 Apr 2015, 12:04 pm

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Anyone who tries to define their sexuality based on some popular theory is going to automatically be wrong, if only because they're trying to become something they are not.



Correct. Because trying to be something you're not is trying too hard. And the harder you try, the dumber you look.



AngelRho
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17 Apr 2015, 12:12 pm

slenkar wrote:
quote from the article:
Quote:
A 2010 study from Rutgers University found that men who abandon “macho” behavior get punished by others; in this case, less macho and self-promoting men applying for jobs suffered from social backlash from prospective employers. Modesty in men was seen as weakness, while it was rewarded in equally competent women applicants.


So you can stop being macho and be poor or try to be macho and get a job that you want

I'm not exactly the picture of a macho man.

But I think it's more complex than that. Someone who exudes confidence and appears fearless HOPEFULLY won't be the kind of person who is constantly second-guessing himself and will be more competent on the job. Also, if you're encouraging a team atmosphere within the work environment, someone who has a bit more personality is going to naturally be easier to work with and keep the workplace positive.

Someone who constantly second-guesses himself and plays the modesty card, or appears to not really believe in himself, will be more prone to making mistakes and probably bring a lot of negativity to the workplace. Nobody likes loners, complainers, or gossipers. Anyone can learn a few tricks to become more employable. This is nothing new.

I'd say to the "less macho" guy to forget about false modesty crap. Promote your strengths and demonstrate your accomplishments (you have them, right?), show how you are indispensable to your prospective employer. All that alpha crap is just a myth.

Something I have found that really helps is read every motivational and self-help book you can get your hands on and STUDY them. Somewhat contrary to what self-help gurus teach is I would advise against reading those books as though they are the gospel truth. Instead, read them more for the motivational value. Read things that make you want to get off your butt and DO SOMETHING. Read things that make you want to smile all the time, make eye contact, and say hello to every person you see in the grocery store or on the walking track at the park. You deal with people differently when you feel good about yourself than when you don't. I'm a huge fan of Jon Acuff, Dave Ramsey, Dale Carnegie, and Stephen Covey. I'm NOT crazy about Napoleon Hill--too New Age, like EXTREME New Age, and reading stuff like Think and Grow Rich just give me a weird feeling down in the pit of my belly. But use your own judgment. Study historical figures. Read everything you can get your hands on about Abraham Lincoln, for instance. Sun Tzu is another one. Download Art of War and STUDY any/all commentary on it you can find. 48 Laws of Power is full of all kinds of good stuff (it's very popular among prison inmates, and there's a good reason for that). STUDY the Bible, with close attention to Moses and the wisdom writings, along with every word Jesus Christ said. Just read and study anything/everything motivational you can get your hands on, figure out what you're capable of putting into actual practice and go for it.

The biggest pro-tip I have is really, REALLY simple: All you really have to do is show more interest in your potential employer than the actual job you're applying for. My wife is a natural at this. She has this ability to walk into interviews with people who already want to hire her, so they end up never even really talking about the job. Interviews and applications are mere formalities. The sooner you understand that and develop your networking instincts, the sooner you can pretty much just walk in anywhere unannounced and walk out with whatever job you want. My wife has her eyes set on a loan officer position within her bank, and she's well aware that there are limits in terms of how far she can go at the bank in her current position. Her goal is to learn all she can, interact with other people who ARE loan officers, and walk right into a position. And if she can't get this at her bank, she'll go somewhere else. I think her supervisors are aware of this and will likely do what they can to keep her IF they can. But if you aren't used to thinking and acting in those kind of patterns and habits, you're not going to get very far.

Has nothing to do with being an alpha. You can be more meek and humble than Jesus and Buddha combined. If you show that you care more for others than your own interests, you WILL inherit the earth with very little effort (probably out of context, but it works…I think the original meaning was that poor people go to the grave just like the rich do and ultimately share the same inheritance, but whatever). Make the interview more about your employer than yourself and you'll blow them away. They'll be, like, "Y'know, I still don't know much about this guy/gal…but I know he/she seems really cool and I really, REALLY like this person! We need this person." Try it out a few times and see what happens.



Antharis
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17 Apr 2015, 11:55 pm

Hearing about alphas and betas is always entertaining.
If a grown human male being wants to use animal behaviour or comic book caricatures to guide his own actions and beliefs, I'll be all too happy to treat him as what he wants to emulate.
And almost invariably that involves avoiding him like the plague.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Apr 2015, 5:25 am

^ Women are using these terms too:
viewtopic.php?t=279566&start=105

It's also so commonly used by young women in some online communities....anyway, they never answer my question of what defines an alpha male.



MjrMajorMajor
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18 Apr 2015, 6:04 am

^^^ I think it involves a lot of grunting and chest thumping. Maybe a little wrestling in the mix? :chin:

:lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Apr 2015, 6:45 am

^^ what about marking territory with poo?



AngelRho
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18 Apr 2015, 8:18 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ what about marking territory with poo?

Huh? What's wrong with that?



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Apr 2015, 9:02 am

AngelRho wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ what about marking territory with poo?

Huh? What's wrong with that?


Nothing wrong with that, just some poo around the house.



AngelRho
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18 Apr 2015, 9:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ what about marking territory with poo?

Huh? What's wrong with that?


Nothing wrong with that, just some poo around the house.

Good to know. And it's not just marking territory, either. Comes in handy when you're short on crayons, too.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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18 Apr 2015, 10:38 am

I think there's a happy medium for job interviews. You want to be low-key, open, friendly, interested in the other people in a natural, matter-of-fact way without being overbearing, matter-of-factly confident in your abilities without being overbearing, etc., etc.

And then it's what I've learned playing poker, even the best methods sometimes work and sometimes don't.



Antharis
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18 Apr 2015, 2:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ Women are using these terms too:
viewtopic.php?t=279566&start=105

It's also so commonly used by young women in some online communities....anyway, they never answer my question of what defines an alpha male.



I imagined as much, luckily I have an even easier time shunning idiotic women than I do men.
It'll be an all inclusive endeavour!

...but seriously, I can't imagine a person looking into animal behaviour for guidance without thinking they may have a hella low sense of self worth. I just can't disconnect the two.