Why does seven months still affect me two years later?

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Seven months is all I spent in the illusion that I had mutual love and happiness guaranteed (which, obviously, it never is... but I truly was never happier)... it's not like I haven't tried to find someone else... as soon as he left I registered on a dozen dating sites, but... after two years I got maybe a few tens of messages, but never even kept chatting with any... I ended up meeting with a few people physically through Craigslist and chat with a few people from here and 4chan, of all places... but, ultimately, I got not even a fraction close to anyone like I did with my ex (which was evident in our early chatting on IRC... in one week we covered 746KB)... and, generally, on dating sites those I'm attracted to never message me back and vice versa... and, so far, the only guy I met who matched my ex in beauty (more so, naturally) was an escort... but love is what I really want, not just sex... intimacy, sure, but at £100 an hour it's not exactly sustainable long-term, at any rate...

Love is so amazing when it happens to one... and the fact that I lost it... and years later still am not sure exactly why... and my ex won't even say a single word to me at this point... makes me still unable to reconcile it in my mind. How I wish I had that which cannot be bought with money... oh glorious love...

Most of my relationships are two months. One in particular, well she lit a fire under me that will never die. I stopped taking my medication because I didn't need it when I was with her. Within two months, she saw me cry, bleed, and love. She said I taught her a lot about self respect. Just being with her was unexplainable. She taught me about karma. I'll always have a hole in my heart from her that NO-ONE can ever fill. This is why I'll never forget her...

I was hanging out with some friends one night, and they're talking about the Meteors(psychobilly band). They were playing two hours away soon and we agreed to go. On the way there, a friend says she's going to introduce me to a friend. I'm clingy 95% of the time. I meet her friend, she buys me a beer. Something didn't seem right about her so like a jerk(or so I thought) I pound my beer, nod my head and walk off to find my friends. While I was telling them what just happened, I saw another girl dancing in ways I won't mention. The night was fun, and a few days later, I couldn't stop thinking about the girl dancing. I get on myspace and look her up. I send her a message, we start talking, and after we met she started telling me about some girl who stole her boyfriend. She said her name, and I told her I already met her but walked away from her in two minutes. Then we went crazy for each other. The relationship was so intense that it taught me how to turn thoughts into emotions. I've probably had 10 relationships, none ever going anywhere. But this one was intense. I was devastated when she called and said she was falling for someone who didn't even love her. I still love her. I last saw her 7 years ago. Now I'm afraid of intimacy because I don't want to hurt like that again. My longest relationship was seven months. I was over her the next day. I'm still not over that crazy one