How do you feel about oversharers?

Post Reply New Topic

Conversation with this aspie guy I met doesn't seem to be going anywhere because we're both closed off and reluctant to open up. I ask him a question, he clams up and doesn't answer. So instead he'll ask me a question, and I clam up and have difficulty answering. I have this desire to "overshare" as a means to open up, connect with him, relate with him, and perhaps show him that it's perfectly OK to be open with me, that I won't judge him for it because I love to listen to others talk about their lives. But I'm afraid that oversharing will have the opposite effect and that he'll go cold or distance himself from me. I don't think he realizes I'm an aspie yet, but I feel like it's still too early to directly tell him. I know he is because he has a good majority of the traits and even his friends and co-workers have confirmed it... though I guess it does seem unfair that I know he has autism and he doesn't know I do.

Anyway, I guess what I'm asking is are you, as an aspie, comfortable with others oversharing with you? Of course by that I mean as long as the conversation isn't completely centered around that one person. I want to know if it's OK to open up, because the paradox is that I am either completely closed off or I'm oversharing. I can't seem to find middle ground. Are you nice to those who want to talk deeply?

It's better to "open up"--especially if you listen to the other person "opening up" while you "open up."

So you're saying you'd react positively to it?

My goal is to have him open up and talk about himself. I guess it's scary for the both of us because I'm assuming that, like myself, he's also had NTs reacting badly to "openness".

I'm normally not too put off by it. Opening up has to happen sometime and I don't think there's a "perfect amount" that everyone should adhere to during different stages of getting to know someone. At some point you have to confront the possibility that two people aren't compatible past acquaintanceship, and it might as well be early on. I always hope things go well and people can agree to disagree if necessary, though.

The only time it makes me uncomfortable is when people who are essentially strangers unleash a storm of personal problems... which has only ever preceded me becoming a free therapist.

I'm fine with people opening up to me, as they tend to do, but I try not to talk about myself too much, I'm more interested in hearing about others.

You're right about needing to find the middle ground between oversharing and clamming up, balance is very important.

(BTW I love your avatar of River Phoenix).

One thing we should remember: "Opening up" was a core tenet of Freudian psychoanalysis.

I believe it leads to a positive catharsis for all concerned--as long one does not rely on the other person exclusively within one's life.