Please need help with Aspergers guy ?

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Hey, I'm new on this forum...
I'm here to get some help with the situation I'm in ...Please that's a lil bit long but take time to read it

Actually, i and a friend of mine are worried becoz' of a guy (Matt) we met at college...A girl who knew him since high school time told us afterwards that he had aspergers ... However, we'd like to know why he is acting this way ...

First day of college, my friend meets a guy who seems pretty normal...they were both volunteer to do a welcome speech for all the new sophomores ...
Then, this guy was by chance in the class of my friend (at first he wasn't but he asked to get transferred when it was still possible ...)
He seemed to be a loner, and one day he saw us at the cafeteria and came to eat with us ... We saw that he seemed pretty stressed, like he was having tremors, eyes shining, blushing, we said ok he seems to be a lil shy ...

Then he got used to come every other day eat with us, but wasn't saying a word unless talked to ... eyes down, head down, one day he even did a terryfying 'tremor attack' (he was liked about to die, maybe that was panick attack...)

Another day, he was walking, and once he saw my friend, he blushed, started to smile very intensely on his own, sat dow, did't say a word but started like he was daydreaming or talking on his own and smiling alone from time to time ...
Then when we said bye to him he only looked at my friend a say bye with a BIIGGG smile, which was pretty strange ...

Then he stopped coming to eat but was still sitting next to my friend at every class .... he did not try to socialize with the others guys at college which was pretty strange ...

Then, he asked my friend to do scholar projets and presentations with her, which she accepted ...

But when working with her, he suddenly turned mean and rude, she did not know why ...

However, she noticed he was intrusive in her life, like once he asked her for personal e mail address which he did not need since at college we all communicate via university email (even i, i dont' have her personnel e mail ..)

After a while, we started to avoid him, but suddenly, he was starting telling EVERYBODY : he has a GF ! !!
I mean ok, great, good for you, the prob is that he had also told everybody that my friend wanted to get with him in a romantic Relationship which was totally false since we she only used to talk to him for work ...

There was a female teacher he was very close to (she was like his mom';)); one day she said we are going to do a lil party in clas ad everybody had to bring something to eat ... all of a sudden she asked : who has a GF in this class (obviously mister strangeness raised his hand), and then, my friend had found a little queen figurine in a her cake , and the teacher aasked her : so, who is your king ? she said 'no one' and then the teach' insisted : who do u usually work with in labs, etc ... : she was trying to force her to say his name ! ! that was pretty embarassing, as i was also sorry for my friend (maybe he had told the teacher my friend was following him ...)

But the most scary happened one week ago : my friend's older sis came to help her back up her stuff since she was settling in uside of the campus ...
We had not seen Matt for a month because of exams, etc ... , but my friend had sent him a email (it was on saturday) asking him to come to finish the last project of the year....

However, he did not come, but insted, he has followed her sis while she was walking with a lugage (there were still next to college), and when she stopped to get back something thaht had fell on the ground, he got next to her, eyes to eyes, and launched her a scary glance, she thought it was a guy coming out of psych hospital (he had a hood on his head), but her sis recognized him since she had seen him twice on campus ... he went on his way ... she did not know what to do, should she call police ...

At the same time, my friends'parents are being harassed on their phone, they don't know if Matt's behind it ...

On Monday he comes to see my friend and says (oh in fact her name's Linda) and says : Oh linda i'm sorry, i hadn't checked my emails, i thought you would call me or at least send a message ;;hihi[

I DONT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST ASPERGERS ... In the contrary, i find them very unique and interesting with a lot of qualities ... However, iyo, why is he acting this way ... I always thought aspergers were people who used to follow rules and regulations ... And what does my friends'family come to do in this story ??

Thankks ! !!

You could try explaining to him that what he is doing is inappropriate.

-assuming you're not trolling- You never know there's some pretty weird dudes out there.


Aspie guys definitely want love and companionship but we often have weird ways of expressing it. Since aspie guys don't always know what they're doing is inappropriate or not, they may come as weird, needy, or even a stalker to girls they have a crush on.


My guess is that he had a crush on your friend but he was too shy to make a move which explains why he would sit at your table. When we like someone, we want to be near them, pretty normal right? He was shy and didn't speak? He was probably waiting for your friend to make a move on him. This is actually a pretty common tactic for shy guys. Be in the presence of a girl they like hoping she makes a move on him. However, he felt like his cover had been blown and she didn't like him back so he stopped going to the table and began being rude to her because he was upset she didn't like him back. Also him claiming to have a gf (which he probably didn't) is his way of dealing with the pain and making you think that he's over her when he really isn't. However he can't completely get over her which is the reason he's doing things which are considered stalkerish.


Imagine a girl you're really obsessed with and you think about her for months of even years and she doesn't even like you back. What makes matters worse, you see her with another guy. I don't know about you but i'd definitely be pretty upset. This is normal to feel this way. But people with Aspergers often have trouble regulating their emotions especially negative ones and may express their distress in ways that are not so normal. Such as meltdowns, being a stalker, being cold and rude. Everybody wants love, even aspies.

I think darkphantomx1 made an excellent analysis of the situation so I really have nothing to add.

aspie people cannot read social cues like you could read

he wont understand he is blushing without reason or he is just sitting still at your
table without talking

thats the sad part of having asperger it maybe llike you have cancer but there is no
reports to indicate you have it, neither you are aware of it...its just it exsist in your body
and it makes you different from everyone else

just like a gay person would be different from straight person....they really cannot help it
its a orientation...

Hi,

I've got so much to say about this, but will try to keep it condensed.

It does sound like he had a serious crush on this girl. I once had a guy with autism that had a crush on me, and he behaved very close to the same way. He would blush when I'd catch him getting a glimpse at me and get visibly yet mildly upset when guys (whom I did not like) would talk to me in class. He would also say verbally mean things because he thought these people were flirting. Btw, I also have autism...although this has been kept secret from him. Thing is, although I never admitted it, my feelings were the same. Also one main difference in our story is that we are both much older with kids and such. That being said, let me get more in depth about your situation.

So basically, this younger male that you speak of may be less able to regulate his emotions as someone else has implied on here. It takes time to learn how to deal with heavy things such as liking someone very much. As for me, it is still something that I work on daily and I'm almost 40.

Also, you said that he was having some sort of "tremor attack." It is likely that he was having one of two things: stimming which is something that can be Googled or it could have even been a type of seizure...both of which Aspies are prone to have. My best guess would be that he stims more especially when he is overcome by intense emotion (be that much happiness, sadness, or even anger). It can also occur more when a person is overstimulated by too many people talking, intense lights, loud music all at once, etc. These are but a few examples.

The part that does concern me somewhat is that he is not being directly told by anyone that his behaviors are scaring people (which may very well be unintentional on his part) . And, if this is the case, than he needs to know how this is being perceived by the people involved. Healthy boundaries can be discussed and some agreement might be made. It can be done in a nice manner and there may even be a way to still have some "structured" interaction with him...for instance the 1st Friday of every month go cosmic bowling in a public place where everyone in the group feels safe and it could be a good learning experience on both ends. Non-aspies learning and aspies learning how to better co-exist together. If that is not a possibility that is certainly understandable, but my thoughts are that it could help everyone.

I do hope that things work out for your friend and him. It is difficult to know exactly what to do in these situations unless someone is involved in it. Most people are the same in that we want to know the truth and for a person's intent to be clear and what may be bothering them or what they like about hanging out. It's normal to feel a mix of both. Please keep us updated on what happens. Have a good weekend.