Ever feel pressured into getting a girlfriend?

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Yo. Firstly, usual disclaimer, I don't know if I have AS or not, not self-diagnosing,blah blah blah you get the idea.

That said, even if I don't have it I seem to have a lot in common with the people here, so I figured someone might be able to help me with this.

I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend. Lately I've been thinking I should get one for some experience at these things, for later on in life. This has been nagging me and making me anxious for quite some time.

The problem: me and deep relationships do not mix. My best friend is in a serious relationship now and I don't know how he stands it. His girlfriend is with him all the time, constantly, and when she isn't she's calling him every ten minutes. I can't even be with the aformentioned best friend alone for more than half an hour without getting jittery and having to go spend a few hours alone in my room to recharge. If I had someone with me all day, every day I'd literally go crazy and probably push them off a cliff.

There are other problems:

-this friend met someone who lives in another town and he goes over to her house three times a week. I couldn't do this (staying in other people's houses makes me extremely uncomfortable).

-I'm rubbish at showing sympathy to anyone, and this is apparently something women expect their partner to be good at.

-I can't say "I love you" to my own Mother, much less a friend, which could result in some interesting scenarios.

-I don't socialize, at all. My idea of a wild night out is to go for a walk. I have yet to meet a girl my age who shares this view.

-I have that whole "too honest" thing going (less so now than when I was a kid) and apparently this drives women crazy.

-I hate people touching me.

Anyway, you get the idea. On the one hand I feel pressured into getting a girlfriend, on the other I don't want one and I don't think the relationship would last long if I did. Unless I can meet another 19 year old sociophobe who aspires to celibacy, I think I'm going to be single for a long time.

Anyone got any advice?

Yes I get pressured and told its the only way I can be happy eventhough im already happy

I get some pressure from my college room mates but I don't think it's going to happen. I'm just not dating material. I would like to have a casual relationship that is more like friends with benefits but I doubt that many women would go for that.

Heh heh. That would be perfect.

It's easy to say this, but first of all, try and pay little attention to any pressure. In most situations you can only go with what you want to make yourself happy. If getting a girlfriend will make people around you happy but not you, there really isn't much point.

I've never really been pressured by anyone around me, although I do relate with a lot of what you've said. I can't deal with someone else most of the time, I'm awful at empathy and I have no desire to socialise with most people.

That said, I did somehow find myself in a relationship via the internet a couple of years ago when I was 22. It was long distance, so it kind of worked out well for the not having to deal with someone constantly as we were only together something like one week in every month at most. And at the time, it did feel like the greatest thing in the world. I cared about someone (I won't go as far as loved) and they cared about me and it was full of new experiences for me.

Of course it all fell apart after a few months after for a bunch of reasons, most of them seeming to be thanks to my personality. At the time that felt awful, but now I'm fine with it, as I probably would have gone insane spending a long period with her anyway. My first reaction was to try and find someone else to get that good feeling back, but that passed and now I'm actually pretty happy in not having any relationship. That isn't to say I'd avoid one. If I was in the right time and place and the right person seemed to be there, I'd welcome it, if only for the companionship more than anything else, but I'm comfortable with who I am enough to not actively look or mind one way or the other.

I know you wanted advice and I've ended up giving you a chunk of my life story, but it might offer something, I don't know.

Just do whatever you are comfortable with, other people be damned.

Thanks for the replies, guys. I think I'll just do my own thing and tell anyone who asks that I'm waiting for the right person. And if I never meet here...

Sometimes at my HS, I see NTs having a little PDA in a corridor which makes me very uncomfortable because non-verbal pressure is one way to tell someone that they're not equal to the couples that are happy together.

Based on what you have shared you are not ready for a relationship. First you can't share your personal space or time with someone else and it has not occurred to you yet that relationships are about making compromises. You are unlikely to find a girlfriend based on your criteria unless you can find a young lesbian who wants to be fake lovers for the sake of appearances and getting her parents off her back. A Aspie female might be compatible except most on here have said they are either lesbian or not interested in ever dating an Aspie guy. Therefore best thing is until you can get over some of your sensitivities you are not relationship material. Aspies just take longer to mature and yes through maturity you can get over some of the overwhelming stimuli at least to a certain point where it is bearable to be around others.

I too would suggest waiting. At your age, I wanted the tenderness and lust, but probably wasn't ready for the whole relationship thing (though there were already some hints). Not like I had any clear options, but that's another story. When it is time, it will happen. If it doesn't - well, no loss, as long as YOU don't feel the need for it.

My friends have decided that they're going to call me gay until I get myself a girlfriend, even though I'm the most attractive out of all of us, though that's not saying much.

Most of my pressure comes from myself. I guess what I really want is more of an intellectual companion. You know, the kind of person who you talk to that gives you enough space that you can be alone when you need to be, but you can literally tell anything to, whenever you need to come back to society. To essentially keep you from going mad.

That's almost exactly how I feel.

Yo, resident NT gal here.

My man is a mild Aspie, and even then he drives me round the f***ing twist sometimes. I love him dearly, quirks and all, but sweet mother of all things holy we have some interesting clashes.

By the sounds of what you've described, you're totally NOT dating material right now. Sorry but yeah, you'll drive most women to madness within half a day of being 'together'. Ignore social pressure...social pressure is better than nuclear fallout.

Wait until you feel the desire for a partner...wait until you want that someone special there for you when you need them, when you're ready to give something back to them too (because that's what relationships are...give and take. What can they offer you, what can you offer them?)...there are plenty of asexual people around, that don't want anything to do with sex. There are others, particularly around here, that hate touch just as much. That can't stand to be around someone for extended periods of time. With this in mind there's quite a selection of people that'd be at least on the list of matches, when YOU are ready...not when society reckons you should be!

Yep. My parents think I'm gay.

My parents pressure me some because they want more grandchildren closer to home.

My parents thought this too. They were so happy when they found my porn stash.

My parents once thought that too, and I used to to play a joke on them. One day, I was getting ready for a date with a girl I met online. As I was about to leave, I said: "Mom, dad, I'm going out!" "Where?", they asked. "On a date", I told them. "With a girl?", they asked me, sounding very cautious as they said it. I knew I could shock them big time, so I answered: "No, with a big, muscular guy." The look on their faces was totally priceless! Now they know I'm straight, and they never mentioned this incident again.