falling for someone (aspie + nt)

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hi,

i've been falling for a man, with what he says is, "spectrum".
he is thoughtful, sweet, smart, likes company and affection - just like me.

he tells me to articulate my wants and needs.
he is fulfilled by my attention and affection, as i am.
says just be myself. he says feels comfortable around me.
he'd like a long-term relationship.

my concern is, hoping he, won't deplete himself.
make himself tired.
from what i've read, that can happen with a spectrum person dating/in a long-term with an NT.

also, what will come up in the long term?
how can i articulate my feelings in the most effective way?
how can i help getting him to articulate his feelings needs and wants?

thank you for your time and kindness,
t.

You should ask him if he wants to hangout together or something. Have you even gotten his number? Maybe he's too shy or he doesn't know how to handle dating. Most inexperienced aspie guys, it's not that they don't want to date, they just really don't know what to do, they don't understand the concepts of dating.


Just tell him that you like him, you obviously like this guy a lot and chances are he feels the same way about you but you'll never know if you never ask. Who knows, he may be thinking about you everyday and you're the only girl he's ever felt really comforable around. Idk the story.


How old are you btw? Are you in your teens? 20s? 30s?

hello dp,

we are dating and i'm in my 30s.
i just fret that he is so logical and i am so emotional.
will i be able to tell he really loves me and will i make him tired with the affection i like.

that type of thing.

thanks,
t

Like you, I am the highly emotional one in my relationship, whilst my partner is 'on the spectrum'.

I feel incredibly loved by my partner, even without 'those three little words', but appreciate this will be different for everyone, whether the relationship is strictly NT or not. In that vein, my advice would just be to play it by ear and see how things go; if you're currently appreciating one another, see how it goes and enjoy yourself!

Logical VS Emotional can work.

I tell my NT partner at least 10 times a day I love her, as I understand this is what she needs. While true, I personally do not need the reminder nearly that often but I am happy to do so for her.

Just as she attempts to understand my wants and needs and we attempt to find a middle ground.

Personally I think, the hardest challenge for her is not trying to read my emotions. I slam doors because I forget to close them slowly sometimes, this doesn't mean I am angry or upset, just lost in thought. My "Idle" face appears angry, while I am actually just relaxing the muscles in my face.

The biggest thing for me, out of any romantic relationship I have had, is I can tell just how hard she is trying to make me feel comfortable and at ease. She understands, sometimes I will shutdown, or uncontrollably stim and it's no big deal.

She often says she is glad that I am not like "most" men from her personal experience, and she can tell that I actively attempt to treat her well and respect her (even though I may fall short sometimes).

The other reason I think it works well, is after missing what she thought were very obvious hints (body language) she became very verbal, blunt and direct (not in a harsh way) when she can see I am having trouble working out exactly what she is trying to convey.

We also have an understanding where she may ask a question, I do not think she will like the answer to, like: "Would you like it if I lost some weight?" to which I now respond, "Trick Question?", she will then either say "yes, never mind" or find another way to ask the question or make a statement such as "Would you mind if I went on a diet?"

For the record I think she is gorgeous just the way she is.

She also seems to enjoy my talent for gift picking as I'm able to use what I know about her likes and dislikes and find something unique that she couldn't imagine but she loves. We actually went looking at engagement rings, I had wandered off to a different part of the shop, and found a ring I thought she would like, she had also found one. The clerk got them both and when putting them side by side on the counter we realized they were actually the exact same ring, just in different sizes.

The affection is... well, I never really liked any physical affection in the past, hugs/kisses/intimacy. But with her, It is for some reason different, my body doesn't react as it usually does with people, I believe this is because I am so comfortable around her, I find myself wanting to cuddle up on the couch or be intimate, and this is unusual for me, but I am enjoying it.

Aspies can greatly differ from each other. I am one and my wife is a NT, and we have been very happily married for 15 years now. I don't get worn out by the affection required for a relationship. In fact, I am the more affectionate one in our marriage. He might turn out to be like that also. I am more logical than my wife, who does tend to be a little more emotional, but I find that those differences do tend to compliment each other nicely.

I would definitely give it a try, and not worry too much about things that haven't happened yet, and that might not be an issue.

Thanks you so so much!! ! For all of the replies

We are having a challenge with disagreements... I should post it here or a new thread?
I made a new thread btw.
I'm just so new here... learning how this all works!

I would be careful and take my time with the relationship. I dated someone who was or so he claimed to be a diagnosed aspie and it started off really well. To make this short it didn't work. I feel he used me to try to get some type of experience. See past the fact that he is on the spectrum and listen to him carefully and pay attention to his actions. Treat his actions as if he was an NT because he is overall still a man. I made the mistake in thinking the actions of the guy I dated was fully related to autism... that's not always the case.

To watch someone be sweet and thoughtful one day and then to have things change so dramatically was hard.

I would just pace it, but also be really careful because of his relationship history or lack there of; too much too soon could overwhelm him. Plus pacing it will prevent miscommunication.

Thank you