** Are These Decent First Messages For Online Dating ??? **

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Ok so here are some of my messages that I’ve sent out to women I’m interested in on POF (plenty of fish) which have had some partial success to a degree (in that I’ve got some responses) however if you scroll through the messages you’ll see what I sent and what I was replied with (when someone replied) and I just want to see if there’s any further advice or comments people could offer as that’s as far it’s it’s got thus far, Thanks.

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I'll be honest, I think they're not very good and way too intense. #2 is the only one that I kind of liked, but it felt too self-depreciating...almost like you're asking her to grace you with a reply out of the goodness of her heart. Most of your messages seem to place the person you're messaging on a pedestal, which is probably the last thing you should be doing when you hardly know a thing about each other yet.

I'd suggest keeping them short and simple (#2 is a good length), and don't load them up with so many compliments or relationship-oriented language. Try to ask a question or two based on something in her profile...ideally not something terribly personal for the first message.

Like the other user said to me many of these came across as too much.

Creepy and desperate at worst, rushing things relationship-wise at best...

Just cool off and take things slow. Talk to these women like normal people and about hobbies/interests first.

Think of online dating like a first date as well - the point of a first date is just to get to know the other person, nothing more.

Exactly.....wait until you actually SEE AND KNOW THE PERSON before you lay out the compliments.

Just talking about yourself a bit is sufficient.

But info on me is already in my profile and I thought it's good to base things you say on what you've read in the prodfile (for those who've written more than 'ask me xx'

These are the revised ones I wanted to post (couldn't edit the original).

Right....expound upon what you said in your profile. Speak about your music and your writing. Maybe speak about your philosophy of life a little bit. But don't get too heavy-handed about it.

I think that you missed the point. I would say not to focus too much on yourself in your first messages, unless there is something in their profile that allows you to (if they are master underwater basket-weavers, and you're a basket-weaving coach, you can bring that up). I didn't find your revised messages to be any better, other than #7...while it could use some work for sure, that one is actually a decent first message. They come across too much like groveling. Think of it this way: if you ran into one of these women at the supermarket or at your job, would you say the same things to them? How would you start a conversation with them in person, if you already knew the details from their profile?

Now then... S.O.S.! Abandon ship!! ! Rule #1 of interacting with women: never remotely insinuate that they are overweight, even if they say it first.

Don't mention the physical aspects of people on your first go-around.

That won't make you look good-at all.

Yer I guess it'd be general conversation at the supermarket (well technically I might be too nervous to talk to them unless I knew them fairly well) but I am aware that some can come across as somewhat grovelling, but isn't it the case that those not-so unique messages (which I'd like to think of of mine are....unique I mean) will be overlooked or deleted?

LOL to the S.O.S comment, I'll bear that in mind.

I've never been on an online dating site. However, I have studied communication theory.

ALWAYS start light. That's what makes people feel comfortable. Some might get deleted, sure. But, those ones will be forgotten and you can try again later with the same person...because they forgot you. If you come off as creepy, you will not be forgotten and will be permanently ignored.

Ask her questions about stuff on her profile, let her know that you are interested in what she has to say.

And yes, don't mention her physical appearance. It will almost always feel creepy in a first message. ("Hey lady you sooo sexy." Is an instant delete.) Compliments about her appearance are okay once she's gotten to know you a bit and feels more comfortable.

I agree with the above -- no, your messages aren't so good.

You're writing her much more (# of messages and # words per message) than she's writing you. Wait for her to respond. And if her response to your treatise is "thanks lol" another treatise is not in order.

Sorry bud.

I've had a quick flick through your messages. They might not be great but at least your not doing the shotgunning method a lot of guys do. (sending quantity over quality, that are just copy and pasted to 100s of girls - simple messages like "hey how are you" "you look pretty fancy chatting" etc etc

I personally think your messages are too long, i would trim them down on your first message, once you get chatting then yeah go for the big messages. No more then a couple of sentences (2-3)related to her profile and yours. The same that's above dont write about there looks.

If they do reply and only give couple word answers. Dont interact with your message, give you more info, ask questions back etc. Ignore them dont keep writing these big messages your wasting your time. If someone cant be bothered to write more then a couple words back then kill the messages.

Yes its more often then not us guys wont get a reply but if there not giving you info then leave it. I would have never have replied to anybody who reply's with "lol thanks"

Some fairly good answers thus far, thanks all.

I was just about to say they aren't decent messages without evening reading them because they are WAY too long. I did decide to read them and I am practically speechless. I have to be honest and say I once had a woman do this to me and was so creeped out I literally changed my email address.

Did you actually say that you thought it was too good to be true to get a response for her? Is she a celebrity (even if she was no cares but I disgress)? Why on Earth would you respond after it was plainly obvious she was not interested. What normal heterosexual gal would be after such an obsequious message? I can practically see her shaking her head while writing those two words. You basically demonstrated that you were not a qualified candidate in your VERY FIRST message and didn't even read her profile especially the "surprise me" comment. She wants a leader not a boot licker!! Imagine applying to McDonalds, getting an interview and saying "wow, I never though such an amazing and perfect organization would want to hire and even pay a loser like me". That's basically what you did.

I try to be nice and respectful since this is an Aspie forum and most of us struggle with relationships in general but you really do live up to your username. I'm honestly beginning to suspect this is a troll post because even someone as dense as me wouldn't write such messages. If this is a serious post, all I can do is shake my head and think that you have a LOT to learn about interacting with women. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I wish others were harsh with me in my 20s and I would not have ended up with a crazy person.

P.S. I second whoever said to NEVER EVER mention a woman's weight or size, no matter what. Yes, even if she is a bikini model. Women are almost universally insecure about their appearance, even the "cute" ones! Don't even comment on their appearance at all until you are ready to go in for the kiss.

I agree with the other posters. The two biggest problems seem to be "relationship-language" and talking about the woman's appearance.

Don't say anything about "being your guy" or "partner" or any such stuff. The woman reading that will likely think, "WHOA! Who said *anything* about being an item?!?!" And about appearance... Just don't go there. Focusing on that makes it seem like you see women as a sex object. EVEN IF SHE BRINGS IT UP (like the model in her profile.)

I don't know why women feel they must address their looks right away. Perhaps it is their own form of trolling, to weed out guys that are too hyper-focused on it???

I think if you avoid these two things, it might solve the length issues, too, although I personally did not find the messages too long. That could be a male/female thing since women tend to be more wordy.