Date dilemma
So basically a guy who I really like has asked me out for a coffee sometime.( what does that mean???)
I'm chatting to him online at the moment.I'm looking forward to it but he hasn't mentioned a time or a place or even a day!! so I am trying to not get my hopes up but its really difficult.My last date I went on well I went to the date but the ass never showed up and I left after 15minutes
I don't want to b too keen by saying what place time and day because its my birthday this week so I kind of need to know soon if the date is this week (obviously I won"t meet him on my birthday) My emotions are up in the air.
Plus he has dating but nothing serious but I want relationship on my profile so I don't want to meet him just once. What are your thoughts?
If you're meeting guys online, it's pretty common for them to set up a meeting and then never show up for it. You'll have to find a way to be more thick-skinned and not go into a depression for those online no-shows.
Meeting for coffee means they just want a short and casual face to face to see what you look like and whether they would like to get to know you in real life offline.
Guys who don't make a coffee date after a certain amount of time are just not interested in meeting you. They are content to keep their romances on the internet only. Same as for the no-shows, you have to find a way to be more thick-skinned and not get too upset over the ones who are never going to meet you.
Why not ask him? Just ask when he was hoping to meet for coffee, and say that you're mostly free aside from your birthday.
Regarding being stood up, I've luckily never had it happen to me. If someone does stand you up, then obviously they're not someone you'd want to be with anyways.
Go about your life as usual, make plans based on the assumption that he will not contact you, ie don't turn down other invitations in the hope he might call.
If he does call to ask you out and suggests a time when you're busy, just say something like "oh, sorry I've already got plans for June X but would be available on June Y or Z instead", ie conveying that you DO wanna hang out with him.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
If you went to a cafe and got stood up by a supposed date, go to home, and send him a text something like:
"Sorry for not showing up, but to be honest with you, I've met this morning a guy way hotter and funnier than you and I have realized how ugly and boring you are (or ' you are not my type' if you want to be nicer) ."
He would burn.
Well to end this story I did contact him just wondering when he wanted to meet up and we decided to meet up 2moro he then asked me where and I suggested a place but he never got back to me next I see he has deleted his profile.Just baffled.Really disappointed and peed off with him.His loss!
"Sorry for not showing up, but to be honest with you, I've met this morning a guy way hotter and funnier than you and I have realized how ugly and boring you are (or ' you are not my type' if you want to be nicer) ."
He would burn.
Nah, I doubt that; he'd probably laugh at the silly and immature text.
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Don't settle for someone who doesn't see your worth.
It sounds to me like he isn't really interested in you, and either found someone else, or just decided to give up the whole dating thing. People do this all the time on those dating sites. They will talk to you, and maybe even have a few dates with you...until a better "offer" comes along, then they drop you like a bad habit, with no explanation, no nothing.
Remember, if people really want to do something, they will, or at least make a genuine effort to do so. If he was 100% interested in you, he would have asked you out, set a time and place (or at least discussed it with you), and he would have showed up. All he did, was casually mention getting a cup of coffee with you, and that was the end of it...that pretty much shows that he wasn't too sure about you.
"Sorry for not showing up, but to be honest with you, I've met this morning a guy way hotter and funnier than you and I have realized how ugly and boring you are (or ' you are not my type' if you want to be nicer) ."
He would burn.
That's a bad idea unless the OP enjoys unecessary drama and strife. Doing that would lower her to his level.
Sadly, fades are very common in online dating. Of course, it's very rude, but that doesn't stop people from doing it.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
"Sorry for not showing up, but to be honest with you, I've met this morning a guy way hotter and funnier than you and I have realized how ugly and boring you are (or ' you are not my type' if you want to be nicer) ."
He would burn.
Nah, I doubt that; he'd probably laugh at the silly and immature text.
He would burn.
A slighter one like "Very sorry for not showing up but you are not my type" would come across mature and yet it would shatter the jerk's ego.
I tried something similar with a girl who cancel the date in the last minute for 5 times (and 2 of the times, 2nd and 5th, she initiated the idea).
In the last time I replied her with something like: 'Phew..good it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too but I was too embarassed
She kept trying to know why exactly for two days until she gave up.
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
I'm chatting to him online at the moment.I'm looking forward to it but he hasn't mentioned a time or a place or even a day!! so I am trying to not get my hopes up but its really difficult.My last date I went on well I went to the date but the ass never showed up and I left after 15minutes
I don't want to b too keen by saying what place time and day because its my birthday this week so I kind of need to know soon if the date is this week (obviously I won"t meet him on my birthday) My emotions are up in the air.
Plus he has dating but nothing serious but I want relationship on my profile so I don't want to meet him just once. What are your thoughts?
It means he wants to go on a date with you. Meeting at a coffee shop somewhere is a pretty common first date thing. It's a no pressure comfortable environment. If you hit it off, maybe you'll both stay for a longer conversation or head out somewhere else for a bite to eat or something. If you don't click, it's easy enough for one or both of you to say "it was nice to meet you/thanks for the coffee, but I have to get going now." as it doesn't take forever to drink a cup of coffee.. so if either of you wants to cut your time short, it's easy to politely excuse yourself and carry on with your life vs. some other date location or activity that might make you obligated to spend several hours together even if you don't feel any chemistry whatsoever and don't want to bother spending your time with one another.
So don't sound too eager, but you could message and say "hey, quite the busy schedule this week - when were you thinking we'd go for that coffee? I'll see if I can make it or if we'll have to plan ahead for some other time." or something along those lines.
Dating but nothing serious = maybe he's being honest, maybe he just wants to get laid, maybe he really wants a long term relationship but doesn't want to say so and seem desperate. It could mean almost anything. Don't read too much into it before meeting him and gauging for yourself. You'll figure out pretty quickly if he's just looking to hookup. Also, he might think he's only interested in having a friendly casual date.. but that could change if he met the right person.
edit:
Just read the update. Don't take it too personally. Sometimes people get nervous, or meet someone else, or realize they're not over their ex, or realize they don't want to cheat on their current partner they never mentioned etc etc there are endless reasons someone might flake out on a date/disappear from the internet.. and none of them matter. Fact is the guy isn't in your life, so, move on. Next!
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