How to tell between narcissism and a**hole

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I was strongly believing my ex may have been a narcissist or had some traits because I could relate to some of that Addicted to Love and Drama blog on wordpress by a woman who was in a relationship with a narc and how much it hurt her. But then I came across this article:

http://www.lisathomsonlive.com/narcissi ... ifference/

Now I am not so sure anymore. Everyone tells me he was just an a**hole and I have always said he was one after the break up when I kept being told he was one.

Personally, I don't believe there is any significant difference between the two. All of the narcissists I've known (assuming they were narcissists) behaved badly with indifference toward the suffering they caused others, and all of the people I've known who behaved badly also displayed narcissistic behavior.

Maybe one is a sub-class of the other ... ?

Oh wow, that sounds an awful like like my previous boyfriend. He was not charming but otherwise fit the narcissist description better than the other. Emotionally abusive either way so I don't know if it matters. I think that being autistic has made me vulnerable to abusive relationships.

To be classified as having any personality disorder, the person must be significantly impaired in their regular life and functioning within their relationships. So by definition, anyone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is going to show abusive qualities or else they would not be diagnosed as having a personality disorder in the first place.

The reverse is not true, though; people can be abusive without having an actual personality disorder. The vast majority of abusers don't have a psychological disorder and they abuse their partners simply because they think they can get away with it and they enjoy the benefits of acting irresponsibly.

My personal belief is that there is a high degree of correlation between Narcissism and Assholery.

When someone is "into one's self," it, almost invariably, manifests itself as Jerkery, Assholery, Dickiness, etc.

I was emotionally abused, gas lighted, dragged down to having low self esteem about myself, he also made me feel I had to do things he wanted because he would make me feel bad about myself but I didn't give in I had no idea that was a form of control, I also felt I could say nothing right to not offend or upset him and to not have it imply anything else.

My ex seemed to fit more of the profile of a**hole because he was able to admit to being wrong when proven and he did apologize but not a lot and he showed cared about me off and on. Abusers can be nice people because they act like normal people and treat other people well but you may not guess how they treat their own girlfriends. My ex came off as real sweet and caring and innocent and naive and he spoiled me by taking me out and paying for everything and I had o idea this is a red flag when you date guys and this is what abusers do to attract their victims and have them fall into this trap. I have been reading. Did he change? Not really, I just got to know him more. In fact he said I was the one who changed and maybe I did change when we were together because I was depressed and his lack of support and not understanding and him judging me is what gave me more anxiety so I regressed and that is what stress does to me when I am stressed enough, I regress. I wasn't as depressed when we met and I was my true self and he got to know me more too but because of that, he thought I changed.


I think being gullible, wanting a relationship badly and not wanting to be alone, being codependent, being a caring person and trying to understand other people makes you more vulnerable to abusive relationships. I also wouldn't be surprised if he hid behind the AS label to get away with his behavior. My parents saw right through him when they first met when he came out to see me. But they didn't say anything to me because I wouldn't have believed them and I would have snuck seeing him and not tell them about it because that is what happens when you don't like someone your child met. My mom doesn't believe any word he said because she thought he was a pathological liar so I am sure she also thinks he doesn't have AS.

It was surprising when I read that a woman can be depressed and have low self esteem in a relationship and not know why, it's because she is being abused and doesn't know it. I didn't know I was in one until after I was with my husband and I realized my ex was abusive because of what I read about abusive relationships and emotional abuse and gas lighting and it all dawned on me and added up. He would say things that would contradict like he told me how he doesn't want to be a control freak so he never stopped me from doing things or made me do things but yet I felt he was still trying to control me so I thought I was crazy for feeling that way because he isn't making me do it or stopping me. he also told me he is honest and doesn't lie so I believed every word he said about me. I also thought I had to toughen up and not be so sensitive because he is just being honest an the truth hurts sometimes. Hey he has AS so he ca't help it so I have to deal with it. He isn't being mean and he isn't doing it to hurt me. Now I know better.

Of course men can be victims of abuse but it's always about women when I read about abusive relationships as if only women are victims and not men.

I can relate to women on AssPartners about their "Aspie" partners (The word is in quotes because I don't know if they all have it or not and some have even admitted they don't know if their partner does or not and they will blame it on AS anyway because they don't care) so I do not doubt they were abused and that their partners were jerks and abusers. But I always wonder why they stayed when they were first together. I didn't last with mine. I didn't last with either of my ex's because things were not working out and I have to decide enough and move on. Not stay and sit back and wait for them to change like those women did.

Why does it matter? If the person doesn't treat you with kindness and respect, run for the hills. Why the other person isn't kind to you or respectful towards you is irrelevant.

All narcissists are a**holes, but not all a**holes are narcissists.

They are both the same. It's like asking "Is dark chocolate ice cream chocolate ice cream?"

They should have (! !!!WARNING!! !! THIS WILL BE A BUMPY RIDE AND POSSIBLY FATAL!! !) stamped on their foreheads.