How to work on yourself, from people who have done so

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I'm not on the internet much anymore these days, I just don't like it as much as I used to. I'm starting this thread and hope others will post in it and help put some information here. I always tell people to work on themselves. Find out what is "off" or "wrong" about themselves and work on changing or fixing or improving it, and half the time I'm told that they can't, don't want to, shouldn't have to, etc. I wanted to start a thread for those who have done that to post and talk about their results.

You can talk about specific things or just in general. You can go into great detail or just be vague. The one thing I'd like you to go into is the fact that you did recognize it and saw that if you changed some things then some things in your life would get better. Also, that while fixing some things is fairly easy, other things are very hard.

Just hearing somebody tell you in a post to do it won't do very much good, but maybe seeing a thread where people post about their successes and results in working on themselves might go a long way toward helping somebody else decide to give it a shot.

I've told my story a lot of times, but an overview is that when I was about 13 I met some girls in my class who saw that there was more to me than the gross, weird girl who nobody liked and helped me figure out what was wrong about me and taught me how to change it. It took years. I was completely renovated and I still had a lot of work to do n how I felt, my attitude, my confidence or lack of, and so on. It was hard, probably the hardest thing I ever did. I'm not going into a lot of specifics now because I'm about to hit the sack and I'm tired, but next time I get on, if the thread is still active I will.

I put it in l&d because it's this forum where you see so many people suggest doing this, so maybe the people who need it the most will see it here.

So please, share your stories please. Also, please don't turn this into a "I tried and it didn't work, nobody wants me they want something else, other people suck" thread. There are plenty of those already, or start your own for it, but lets keep this one for positive stories please. (That is probably your cue Boo, because you like to start opposite threads lol)

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

The key, really, is to believe that others have "something wrong" with them for thinking there is "something wrong" with you

I find the teachings of Epictetus, the 1st century Stoic philosopher, enormously useful - particularly this: 'First, say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do'.

In my opinion, having a disorder which renders one socially awkward does not mean said person has "something wrong with them." Not at all.

There's "something wrong" when this person does not seek to improve his/her lot in life despite having a disorder.

I'm not saying that a person must achieve "results" right away. It's all in the DESIRE to improve.

I got told to work on myself alot when I was suffering from a psychotic depression & feeling very lonely. I spent aLOT of time posting about things trying to analyze myself & figure out why I was the way I was which got interpreted as me complaining instead of working on myself. Getting a job helped me develop some confidence too but I still got told to work on myself when I complained about being single. I joined WP which helped me learn about myself more & sort some things out but I still got told to work on myself when I talked about being single cuz I did complain about that aLOT here. By posting about things I started to learn about my strengths within a relationship & what I had to offer a potential partner & I started posting about that too. I eventually got a girlfriend from here which helped me learn about myself more & grow as a person till it ended partly cuz of my anxiety problems. During the relationship I realized my anxiety was causing problems in the relationship & caused problems in my 1st relationship which contributed to my psychotic depression. I started anxiety medication in my 2nd relationship but it was too little too late cuz anxiety made me paranoid & controlling too many times before I started it. Shortly after it ended I realized my OCD had contributed to the problems & i started an OCD medication in addition to my anxiety med. Then I got in my 3rd relationship which was another girl from here who had messaged me cuz she related & like a lot of what I posted about. She has a different personality than my 2nd girlfriend & we got along really well & I moved across the country to be with her after 6 months. I never had the problems I had in my 1st two relationships partly because of the medication, partly cuz I had learned & grew from those relationships, & partly cuz she has a personality that's more compatible with my personality within a relationship. Being in a different environment with somebody who's more accepting & supportive of me than my parents helped me learn & grow too. I still have problems but things are aLOT more tolerable to me & I'm not complaining about being single & making depressed posts so the WP community should be happier.

Health is wealth & you are what you eat.

3 years or so ago I was 242lbs w/ a 38" waist. I was also in very rough mental shape. Today I'm ~200lbs w/ a 32-33" waist & stronger than ever, and in far better mental health all around. I've done the Tough Mudder in Whistler twice & have been back to kiteboarding this & last Summer. I've taken a couple weeks off, but have been doing ~2500 pushups/month for the last handful of months, and I've done quite a bit of running over the last couple years. I eat as healthily as I can pretty much w/ only the odd bit of "junk" food here and there - usually a bite or two of something at work, or a bit of chocolate. My mental health is infinitely better, too.

Much of the success I've had has been due to following a medicinal diet & intestinal cleansing protocol to treat the digestive cause of ASD symptoms. Plus a whole lot of probiotics etc etc. I've shared the details of all of this on the forums since January of 2014.

Rome wasn't built in a day.. it takes discipline & commitment to self improvement in every way in order to change your entire life for the better. Bit by bit, day by day, you get healthier & happier.. no more anxiety or depression, clear minded, physically fit etc. I've found that it's highly beneficial to have a WHY, a reason that's bigger than yourself that you want to improve.. then you can use that reason(s) to stay focused and persevere through anything you have to endure in order to become who you want or need to be. A little temporary discomfort, be it pain from a workout or cold from working outside over the winter or whatever - doesn't matter - when you have goals that are important enough, you can do anything to achieve them.

If anyone's interested in reading about what I've learned and done to successfully treat my AS symptoms, feel free to pm me.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Find a way to stay physically active every week, I run, it helps a lot, you don't need to be swol, but being fit does help with self confidence. Eat better too.

REALIZE THAT YOU MATTER, that your life counts, that you don't need another person to validate your existence.
Which leads to accepting that you aren't going to win every time, that other people don't revolve around you, because they matter to themselves. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, because if you don't fight you definitely aren't going to win.

And don't get caught up on labels, because they'll just drag you down in the end and limit your potential.

"There is no fate but what we make for ourselves"

Also, learning conversational skills is important. Practice with a friend who doesn't mind telling you when you are doing something wrong. Learn how to make small talk and good subjects to talk about. Learn about some topics that are of interest to others, even if you don't like them. Learning how to talk to people, how to carry myself, my tone of voice and what I said and didn't say, no brainer things like not blowing my nose in the middle of a conversation right there, how to dress better, how to look nicer, being cleaner, how to walk without looking funny, all those things are important. NT's learn them by osmosis as they get older but I had to have them explained in great detail and spend forever practicing them with friends before I was able to be turned loose on the world and even then I made a lot of mistakes but I never made the same one twice once I knew what it was.

It's hard, and it seems like "changing yourself" but it really isn't. You are simply having to force yourself to learn what comes naturally to NT's. It's a normal change that EVERYBODY goes through, but we wouldn't go through it without knowing to do it. See what I mean?

Also, I had a lot of trouble with how I think and thought. Still do. There are lots of times that I wanted to take offense to something that someone does that isn't meant to be offensive. I'm not talking about insults, etc, I'm talking about things not directed at me and not on purpose, like somebody just being rude or having a bad day or ignoring me without meaning to. I had to learn to accept that while I didn't feel I was wrong about being offended, that I COULD POSSIBLY BE wrong about the motives behind it. The bitchy lady at the library doesn't hate me, she is just bitchy and I took up more of her time with questions than others, so I got more of the b***h from her. Situations like that where I wanted to be upset when my friends told me there wasn't a reason. After decades of reminding myself of that kind of thing, I now realize how things are most of the time. I've gotten much quicker on the uptake now, although sometimes something goes over my head. I have to think about things more than most and probably so will everybody else here, but once you start doing that on a regular basis it starts coming naturally and you do it without effort or realizing it. That's what I did, anyway.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com