Communication Problems +

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I'm an aspie girl and I've been in a relationship with an NT guy for 5 years.

Slowly, I'm becoming more upset over the negatives over the positives.

My NT partner knows I have special needs but chooses not to see me as a label so they doesn't fully know that I have (undiagnosed) autism. I worry that this is an issue but I worry that me mentioning my problems as issues may sound like excuses. They find it hard to explain to people what I have besides saying "mental/learning difficulties".

I'm terrible with arguments. I can't say anything without them mis understanding me (I say one thing but it means something different to an NT) and if I say nothing, they call me ignorant.

It's only recent years that they have started to put me down in public, insult me (called me stupid, worthless,stuck up), because of my constant "mistakes". I'm sensitive so it's really hurts.
We both have our faults...
They feel like I've not changed at all and I've had so many chances to prove him wrong and I haven't and also blames my upbringing.

Some examples include

Me not listening (I'm a poor listener)
I get upset over tones of voice
I assume things
Getting scared to answer a door, the phone or appliances.
Only doing half on instructions
forgetting things
misunderstanding things
getting confused

Sometimes I can be a mopey git and it's understandable that they get annoyed with that. I find it hard to talk to NT about my feelings because NT's either no listening or I'm poor with timing.
I'm not good at letting my feelings out because they get upset or don't want to hear. Or if they ask that I'm okay I say that I am even though I'm not. I don't like to show that I'm sad. Sometimes they don't express their feelings and I don't understand...they get annoyed and tell me flat out and we both get upset.
The only way for me to express my feelings is to write on paper and they eventually read it. They don't usually say anything afterwards so I don't know how they feel...


Most of the time we are fine and have our little moments but when a bad day comes, it hits hard on me and it takes me a few days to recover. We are both trying our hardest to make this work.
They like to take care of me and I like to help them out too. I just feel useless when I always let them down or annoy them. NT'S the only one who actually helps me when needed and cares for me. They have changed my life. I've never would have done photography, went to uni or even go to social gatherings if it wasn't for them...

Apoligies for double post but I'd like to hear some advice. It's difficult to find (Girl ASD Guy NT) relationship advice online.

I think another factor is that over the years we've been together. He's slowly become more negative due to health issues, other personal s**t and Me constantly repeating my same mistakes such as not listening and haveing my "derpy" days has wore him down.

i'm slowly understanding my problems and since he dosent really know them well, he thinks i'm being stupid on purpose just because i have problems (which isn't true. i've been doing this all my life before i knew i had problems).

You keep referring to "them" or "Nts" are you involved with multiple partners or something? I think what your doing putting your thoughts and feelings is a great start if you have trouble expressing them verbally. What about couples counseling? That can help any relationship issues if both are willing.

I've had the same thing. Someone will claim to make allowances for your issues, then get mad that you are having these issues.
It's so frustrating because I'll be like "YOU TOLD ME YOU UNDERSTOOD AND NOW WE'RE FIGHTING OVER THE SAME THINGS?!"
I think that it is truly hard for an NT to get us.

No matter what happens. it all leads down to one thing. Listening.

Listening is one of the main issues of communication and I've been doing it all my life.

Its surprising how he has survived 5 years of this. I don't know what to do.

Not listening or paying attention all the time without meaning to is dragging me down. Its a battle everyday (not just with my partner. but with everyone!).

I want to listen and I've tried everything but it's not enough. My attention span is slow, I daydream a lot, I over think. Even if I try to listen. One moment of weakness and I get scolded. I've never been a social butterfly and I've had a sheltered childhood. I feel like I'm only learning useful things this past 5 years (thanks to the bf <3). If it wasn't for the relationship, I wouldn't have left the house, gone to uni, even travel or do anything spontaneous.

I just feel like I'm letting him down and it hurts.

I'm done rambling.