Another woe-is-me post - I feel ugly and I can't ignore it

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I doubt this post is going to be radically different from anything you've ever read before, but I'll try to at least make it entertaining for you.

Okay, so I'm going to be 19 on Friday, and I'm your typical case of 'depression-ridden Aspie virgin, never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl'. I've been attending university, but I haven't really cultivated any friendships yet, and I'd say that's due to my lack of confidence.

Now don't get me wrong, should body jumping become a thing, I'll be able to take the world by storm, but as it stands, I'm having an extremely hard time coming to terms with my appearance. You see, on top of my awkward demeanour (shout out to Asperger's Syndrome), life has bestowed upon me an up-turned pig nose (see my profile picture), a turned eye (which I've learned how to mask in photos), and not the best body shape/fat storage pattern (which is difficult to learn how to counteract when weight loss and muscle building sites seem to love contradicting each other).

So I'll admit, I'm not the worst looking guy on the planet, but I certainly don't have the girls up the back discussing how attractive I am after class. In terms of my appearance, I'd give myself a 3, maybe on good days a 4 out of 10, and it hurts like hell to feel below average in a category as personal as looks. Perhaps it's a bratty desire, but I want girls to look at me and think to themselves 'well, he's attractive', but seeing as I don't have that effect on any girl I'd be interested in (and no, my standards aren't freakishly high), I can't help but feel a deep-seated sense of sadness and hopelessness.

Now, before you're all at my throats telling me to accessorize, stylize, and any other kinds of relevant -ize, I'll have to stop you, saying been there, done that. I realised about 6 months ago that it was time to step up my style game, so I started being more conscious of the colours that best compliment me, in the development of my own personal style. As well as that, I decided to take more control over my hair, buying hair gel to keep things in place. All in all, now I rarely leave the house without my hair styled, some jeans and a fresh-looking shirt or jacket. Do I feel more confident? Generally yes, but my aforementioned insecurities don't want to be ignored.

And here we come to the gym. I actually have a gym membership already, despite not having been to the place in a few months. My work-outs were helping me build muscle on my arms and legs, but the results on my belly were unsubstantial, and I realised I didn't know what I was doing, and I didn't know how to know what I was doing, so I guess that's why I haven't spent much time there lately. Plus, I didn't know what the hell I should be eating and in what portion sizes, so that made it difficult not to relapse on my diet, or to even have a diet at all.

So if it's not bad enough that pretty much everyone I know and their brother's had a relationship, let's talk about my younger brother. And just to make it extra clear, because this is absolutely freaking pathetic on my part, he's my YOUNGER brother. Not only does he have a vivid history of relationships, and girls who are interested in him, at 17 years of age, he's engaged with a child on the way.

So again, he's younger than me, he's been in many, many relationships whereas I've had none, he's had sex before me, I mean, how am I possibly meant to not feel like crap?

So yeah, I feel ugly, I don't know how to make myself attractive without parting with a crap-ton of money I don't have, I can't ignore it, how am I meant to deal with feeling unattractive, and unwanted by the opposite sex? And how can I feel happy? Am I a hopeless cause?

At your age, I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to date, much less to have sex, so worrying about my attractiveness was a non-issue, and any kind of measure to improve it, like going to the gym, was a preposterous waste of time and money I didn't really have.

What is body jumping?

Your 17 yo brother knocked up a girl and is now engaged to her, THIS is what you are jealous of??

Not the knocking up, the fact that someone's interested enough in him to let him knock them up. It's the contrast in romantic achievements that is getting to me there.

Thanks for the input, but the fact is most people have dating experience by 19, and I personally would prefer to be included in that group. If that sort of thing didn't matter to you, I guess that's good for you, but it matters to me. Plus I have an income source. The government pretty much pays me to go to university, so I have about $3,000 stashed up in the bank.

Pretty much just jumping into someone else's body. It was just a bit of a joke.