This may be a bit long and difficult to track but here goes...
After 4.5 long years of being single.. I started dating this wonderful man for about 6 months. We took things pretty slow because we were crazy about each other and didn't want to ruin things by rushing. He went back to his home town 3 weeks ago for personal reasons, but he will be back in the fall/winter. We decided it would be best to just split ways, and not do the whole long-distance thing. Unfortunately, it ended poorly (meltdown included). We had this really long conversation about how we really felt about one another. It took me a really long time to open up and share with him just how much I like him and stuff. It turns out that we both liked each other way more than we thought we did.. we just had really terrible communication and didn't show it very well. We both feel like there was a huge missed opportunity. I went on to elaborate on the conversation we had in person, via email when he left, and then we stopped contact. Instead of choosing not to feel my emotion like I typically do, I took every opportunity I had to feel the full weight of the emotion.
With all that being said, about 2 weeks before he left, I met this other guy. He approached me in the grocery store actually because he works at the bank in there. We talked about financial stuff so I gave him my contact information so he could send me info about refinancing my car etc. We instantly connected, the emails became personal very quickly, so for the sake of his job we took it offline and started texting each other. I explained the whole situation about the guy I was dating, how he was leaving etc. The whole time I have been very blunt with my intentions and up front about how I felt about the person I was dating. He knows just how much he meant to me and that getting over him is going to be extremely difficult. Regardless of what I said to him, he has been relentless in his endeavors to woo me. I'm already thrown off because this type of thing doesn't happen to me in general, but to have it happen immediately after the ending of a relationship freaks me out. The thing is, we are extremely attracted to each other. We are both very comfortable around each other. We have not slept together, but whatever this is has gotten extremely physical after only hanging out a few times. We have talked about my fear of him being a rebound, but the thing is.. I never approached the guy. He's the one who has incessantly pursued me until I said yes (which I wanted but maybe not this soon). Historically, when I rebound, I try and fill a void by seeking out another person to replace the bad emotion with affection. I never really did it much in the past, but I'm always worried I'm going to do it.
So to recap: I was dating someone who I ended up falling in love with and it ended pretty badly. Out of nowhere someone pursues me relentlessly and I somehow find myself in a new highly physical relationship with them. I've pretty much worked through the emotional roller coaster that ensued the end of the relationship with the first guy, but I still cannot help but to feel like I'm rebounding with the second guy. I think it just looks bad from an outsiders perspective. I've got the guilt of looking like I "moved on too quickly" from the first guy. I really truly care about him and don't want to hurt him. I'm not really over him yet, he's still on my heart all the time. But should I stifle what could potentially be a great relationship because of that?
I'm just so conflicted. Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.
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-Diagnosed Asperger's
10 Aug 2015, 2:54 am
