Stages of love-a fair tradeoff

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Due to some comments emerging on another thread, I did a little bit of research on the different stages of love, and it seems that we start with the infatuation stage-with it's happiness, giddiness, passion, and all. Eventually if the relationship lasts it ends up with a mature love, where it is comfortable with feelings of safety and security, knowing the person probably won't leave you.

I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like a pretty lousy tradeoff. I would much rather stay in the infatuation stage. I like the happiness and passion that goes with it. Maybe it is because I have an insecure attachment style, so I might not ever feel safety and security in any relationship, regardless of length. Maybe it is because I am mildly depressed a lot or something and need the happiness that comes with infatuation, I don't know. I have been married almost 16 years and I would give anything to have our relationship go back to the infatuation stage with its passion.

Does anyone else think like this or am I just really weird?

I would always want to stay in the Infatuation Phase.

Alas, it rarely happens that way.

I'm a romantic idealist type.

So why do you think we leave that stage and go into something less intense and emotional? I have fallen into a lifestyle with my wife that works for both of us and is comfortable for me with my quirks and anxieties, but I would love to be back in the infatuation stage with her.

Idk. It's kinda like you keep getting the same ole cracker and you want a Ritz. It's probably because you know everything about the person already. Maybe you need what my Aspie friend was talking about - something to spice things up a bit. After you add some toys to the bedroom then you progress to "swinging". His bright idea - not mine. Sounds like he has it all planned out.

There's a reason why Seneca a wealthy Greek lived in relative poverty: cause he knew feeling neutral (keeping your base level of happiness low) helps you appreciate the small things.

Mature love is similar to that. The thing with happy mature love people is that they do small little-effort things for each other all the time, their base level might be neutral, but the small things matter a great deal, and it's easy to go back to base level. It doesn't even feel bad to do so cause the difference beween happy and neutral is so small. It's like a warm buzz you feel constantly.

If you were infatuated very-long-term, first it would feel great, then it would just be normal life, you wouldn't even feel all that good about it. You would only notice it by feeling like s**t if it were to go missing, then you need it again to go back to epic-mode which in this setting is just mundane...

Right now you say "ooh if I were infatuated again I would be happy..." but NOPE you would just be "happier" temporarily. How long will it take until you don't feel your happiness then?
It will eventaully happen no matter what... whatever is all the time becomes mundane.

If you like the extreme alteration between positive and negative feelings you can try the extreme of "mature love" and be infatuated over and over again but you can't expect it to be a constant in your life.
Then it's more like heaven and hell where you struggle trying to stay in heaven cause you can really feel the fires of hell toast your ass.
Personally I wouldn't recommend that for a guy. For a girl it can work (for a while) but not for a guy.

Take your pick!

I also long for the "infatuation" stage at times. I've been married 18 years. But, I also agree - the infatuation stage can't last. A long-lasting relationship needs to be more stable than that, and unfortunately more stable means more mundane.

But life is mundane. People who have jobs can find it mundane to do the same thing every day. When my kids were toddlers, I found life very mundane.

With relationships, one of the problems is feeling like you know the other person so well there is nothing new to learn. You both are just "there" and life doesn't really change from day to day.

So it's important to create some change from time to time. Go on a trip. Explore a new part of your area (staycations are great for this.) Go to a different restaurant. Try a new activity together. On and on. There's a lot more to spiciness than anything sexually related (like Nurseangela's friend thinks about swinging.)

I think problems will arise when one person refuses to budge and do something new that the other person wants to try. Hopefully that doesn't happen!

I don't know if we Aspies are more prone to boredom, but I think so. So it might be us that is encouraging our SO to venture out. If so, it's on us to come up with ideas and be a little persistent. Hmmmm.... not being satisfied with "status quo" - sounds very Aspie to me.

I would think the NT would get more prone to boredom, given the Aspie's preference for routine and inflexibility. My wife and I tried that last weekend-going out of town for a couple of days, with the 12 year old daughter. It was fun, I was too distracted by some other issue to really enjoy it. Going to try it again over Thanksgiving. Fortunately Oklahoma City is only 1 hour away, and Dallas/Fort Worth is 3 hours away so we can find all sorts of things to do and visit in a relatively close area. I hate the Dallas traffic, though.