Appropriate Levels of Communication

Post Reply New Topic

One thing that I've always found confusing in the dating world is how to manage level of contact. On one hand, if you have too much contact with someone too soon, you are overly clingy and you will drive them away. On the other, if you don't have enough contact with them, you will come across as cold and uninterested, and will drive them away. How do you find a happy medium? Obviously having a sit-down conversation about this would be the best way to figure it out, but that's not always practical (particularly in the initial stages of dating, when you're still getting to know one another).

In my personal case, if I get to the 4th or 5th date with someone, I'm extremely interested in them and quite attached at that point. If I "let myself loose", I would probably either e-mail or text quite a bit daily, and try to see them at least every weekend at a minimum. I do quite a bit of restraining though, and limit contact to once a day at most, but usually more like once every 2-3 days. I do that mostly because I think that doing otherwise would be "too much too soon", but at the same time I feel like I may be acting unnecessarily cold by trying to "not be clingy." I think I've done ok with this, but I would love to hear how other people manage it.

People always seem to think that texting is "dramatic" for some strange reason. So you obviously have to be careful as far as doing it to much or to little.

If you're successful after 4-5 dates, that's pretty good.

I would use the same "level" of communication you've have been using for those 4-5 dates. Perhaps add some personal stuff about yourself. Or some little funny tidbit of your life (which does not reveal any potential "skeletons in your closet."

Unless she caresses your hand, or caresses you elsewhere I wouldn't "try" anything at this point. Or unless she says "C'mere, you fool!"

If she doesn't like the "conservative" approach, it's her loss.