How is it so easy for NT's to get boyfriends?

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zeldapsychology
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12 Sep 2015, 7:48 pm

Older sister high school sweet heart married pretty nice guy.

Younger sister high school is into boys she's 15.

An old friend has a boyfriend for the past few years.

Yet I've had no luck.

I've had "boy" friends but no love relationship stuff.

I only went to Elementary school (then home schooled) so was still in that "boy" friends stage just as the boys were of course.

4 yrs. of college some guy stabbed me in the back!! !!

Worked for 3 months didn't get to know anyone girl/guys create a friendship yet a lot a romantic relationship.


Yet it seems so easy to me for others to get guys.

I don't get out or socialize much outside of weekend grocery trips but 4yrs. in college and no one???? (2 of those online) a good "year" with 2 semesters having to go on campus to do 2 Spanish classes again no one?



Never kissed a guy and right at 30????

Why so different?



Non_Passerine
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12 Sep 2015, 9:22 pm

I have the same questions. NTs make landing a romantic partner seem so easy, and it seems like almost everyone else has been in a relationship at least once.

I'll be 28 next month, never been in a relationship, and have only romantically pursued 2 men in my life. (I do have very strict criteria for a boyfriend, though, and won't date a guy I can't commit to with all my heart and soul.)

How can some people break up, and then find a new partner a few months later? Is it their bigger catalogue of friends to choose from? Or are they the people who are more into casual sex instead of eternal romance (something I still have trouble understanding)?



LordRikerQ
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12 Sep 2015, 9:35 pm

Wow, I didn't realize aspie girls were in the same boat as aspie guys, NT guys can get girlfriends easily too and despite being male, I'm in the same boat as the op. My baby sister is all married with 2 kids and everyone I knew in high school is married now too, part of why I can't go on face book.

Your not alone op



Wolfram87
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13 Sep 2015, 3:53 am

Pretty much in the same situation. Although, I don't think it's quite the same as for guys: guys have the added expectation on them to be the pursuer, so kudos to Non_Passerine for going against that and pursuing guys she liked herself. This only furthers my conviction that aspies tend to connect more deeply than NTs, which is why some of them can change partners within months and most of us can't.


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hurtloam
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13 Sep 2015, 1:59 pm

I don't know. The only guys who ever flirt with me are married, which irritates me no end.

Single guys don't talk to me unless I talk to them and even then I'm the one who does all the chasing and they either don't like me or don't realise I like them.

Makes me think I must be repulsive, but then I remember that married guys flirt with me so I can't be that bad.

I'm anethema to single men.

I've got to the point that I've become so self conscious that I only wear fashionable clothes, not the clothes I really want to wear, because I don't want to be frumpy.



Wolfram87
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13 Sep 2015, 2:22 pm

I think a lot of guys are afraid to approach women nowadays, because while they're expected to approach, how welcome said approach is from the womans perspective determines whether or not it counts as harassment. I have seen autistic men especially singled out as "natural clueless harassers".


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Jacoby
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13 Sep 2015, 2:30 pm

Much the same as a guy, I didn't really attend high school either so maybe we missed out I dunno. Everybody seems to be in a relationship or have this extended circle of friends except me with just more in positive life experience in general, it's pretty depressing. I feel like a child, inadequate. You just hope to get lucky and meet somebody that actually likes you and doesn't think you are creep. I'd settle for a friend, I don't know if I can handle anything with the anxiety and depression but that just makes me even depressed and anxious. Maybe the medication will help, I haven't been in school that long. I think the self esteem is such an issue that I'm too anxious to let someone even some completely platonic dude friendship develop lest I expose who I really am and get humiliated. I know things will never change with this mindset, I don't know how to be different tho. I always felt if I could just get the ball rolling everything come together, maybe it would I dunno but its always been failure to launch.

I generally don't even talk to women lest spoken to, its intimidating and I always think they don't want to be bothered and I don't want to be a creep. I can't read people at all so I never think anybody has good impression of me and I don't take praise either so it just never gets better. I guess I'll get better or I'll get dead eventually.



Nathaniel75
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13 Sep 2015, 3:36 pm

Non_Passerine wrote:

How can some people break up, and then find a new partner a few months later? Is it their bigger catalogue of friends to choose from? Or are they the people who are more into casual sex instead of eternal romance (something I still have trouble understanding)?


Wow, that really sounds like the questions I've been asking myself lately. I definitely get the impression that my NT friends are more interested in casual sex and/or a person to bring with them when going out, and much less interested in finding someone to share a lifelong romance with. For me, the fact that I'm much more interested in finding someone to truly love than I am in casual hookups has been the biggest challenge for me. Most people don't seem to feel the way we do, but I get the impression that many aspies do.



LordRikerQ
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13 Sep 2015, 4:50 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I don't know. The only guys who ever flirt with me are married, which irritates me no end.

Single guys don't talk to me unless I talk to them and even then I'm the one who does all the chasing and they either don't like me or don't realise I like them.

Makes me think I must be repulsive, but then I remember that married guys flirt with me so I can't be that bad.

I'm anethema to single men.

I've got to the point that I've become so self conscious that I only wear fashionable clothes, not the clothes I really want to wear, because I don't want to be frumpy.


I can understand some of that, I've never had the experience of being pursued, I've had to do the chasing all the time, which has crushed my own self imagine, and makes me feel cursed socially, I know it's not ideal but at least you have married men after you.

For us guys in this situation we don't even have the benefit of married woman flirting, it's pretty much all or nothing.



hurtloam
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13 Sep 2015, 5:10 pm

I'm kind of creeped out by flirtatious married dude's though. It makes me uncomfortable.

Ok, yeah, it boosts my ego, but I don't like it.

People are weird.



LordRikerQ
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13 Sep 2015, 5:47 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I'm kind of creeped out by flirtatious married dude's though. It makes me uncomfortable.

Ok, yeah, it boosts my ego, but I don't like it.

People are weird.


Hey that just means your a good person, there are alot of women who wouldnt care and would just go for it. Good on you for not being into being a "Mistress" (in the old fashioned sense.)



FullMetalAspie
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13 Sep 2015, 10:30 pm

I would say in my observations NT girls are very good at playing the game
(understand rules and expectations of dating) and have no shame in flirting. That could be why.