My boyfriend is going to guess soon that I have AS

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Joe90
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24 Sep 2015, 7:07 pm

I've been in a loving relationship with him for just over a year, but I still haven't told him I have AS. I don't know how to tell him. That's the only thing I have kept from him.

Ok he knows I'm eccentric and have anxiety issues but the way those show with me does not scream out AS. My AS is very mild, and I sometimes have doubts about it and feel like I have something else, like personality disorder. I definitely feel I have ADHD with some AS traits as a co-morbid.

But anyway, I know that the day is getting nearer and nearer where he's going to suddenly start being curious of my social anxieties. Tonight when he phoned, he said that I need to "talk more", meaning that I don't talk to his colleagues much. He said that if I don't talk to them much, they will think I'm strange. His colleagues (they're bus-drivers) are very nice, but one thing I know is it's against the rules to talk to the driver whilst the bus is moving. So I can only say a few quick words if they make smalltalk as I get on or off the bus, which I know how to do and I DO do it. Some of them don't say anything at all. Others I do talk to.

I suppose I could tell him I have social anxiety. But I cannot tell him about AS. The thing is, I don't want people to think I'm associated with Autism. I hate Autism.

But stupid me is so shy and stupid, and I may be good at passing off as...some eccentric but otherwise normal person, but sooner or later he's going to notice. I hate my brain. Why can't just boys have Autism, and it be extremely rare in girls, like colourblindness, then I probably wouldn't of had the f*****g shameful s**t to begin with.


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goofygoobers
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24 Sep 2015, 7:19 pm

Be open and honest with him. Tell him that you have AS and explain how it affects you. Keeping secrets from your boyfriend is only going to hurt him in the future.

If your boyfriend kept a secret like yours from you, how would it make you feel? Would you want him to be open and honest with you?



DevilKisses
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25 Sep 2015, 1:55 am

You don't have to tell him. Just tell him you have social anxiety. If he finds out about your autism diagnosis through another source, just tell him you were doubting it. That's my plan as well.


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budgiezilla
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25 Sep 2015, 1:58 am

It sounds like the problem isn't *his* perception of your autism, but *your* perception of it.



izzeme
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25 Sep 2015, 2:29 am

It is better to tell him than to let him find out; he will at some point.
Keeping a secret this big can never end well for your relationship; hesitating to disclose is excusable, but only to a point. One year is getting to the point where it is too late to 'safely' tell: it happened to me, and my relationship didn't survive...



Joe90
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25 Sep 2015, 5:17 am

If he suddenly turned round to me and said he has some mild condition what he didn't tell me about before, I wouldn't be upset. I would understand if he felt ashamed about it and was afraid to tell me about it.

I like what one of the posters said about to just tell him I have social anxiety, and if AS did get blurted out by someone else when he is present then I just say I was having doubts.


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Nuthatchnut
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25 Sep 2015, 7:08 am

This might be a good thing.

Now that my partner knows I have autism, it actually makes things easier for both of us. (I got diagnosed recently, so that's why my partner didn't know before.)

It puts a lot of my typical behaviors into perspective.


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WantToHaveALife
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28 Sep 2015, 9:09 pm

I assume he is an NT?