Page 1 of 2 [ 28 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

SpongeBobFan
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2015
Posts: 51

29 Sep 2015, 10:10 pm

Does anybody else here find flirting incredibly hard to understand? Have you ever had any times where someone was clearly flirting with you, but at the time you had no idea what was happening?

For example, back in in high school there was a girl who I didn't know too well, who always took the time to say "Hi" to me. I just took it as general friendliness until her best friend had to walk up to me one day and blatantly point out that the girl liked me.

Another example was just a few months ago. I was in a KFC waiting for my order, and two girls started talking to me, one talking to me more than the other. When we got to the topic of travelling, she seemed particularly interested in knowing who I travelled with. I didn't realise until 2 hours later that she was probably trying to find out whether I was single or not



darkphantomx1
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Feb 2015
Age: 30
Posts: 1,293

29 Sep 2015, 11:02 pm

Honestly, i'm not too good with flirting.




It's not that I don't understand flirting, it's just that I don't know how to respond back to it so everybody thinks that when they're joking around with me, I take it seriously when I really don't.



Astro77
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Aug 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 114
Location: Ohio

30 Sep 2015, 1:52 am

I'm pretty bad at picking up the kind of flirting you described. Definitely been times where I looked back and realized I was quite oblivious. When I was in my early 20s there was a girl in her late 20s who I had becomes friends with. One day when we were talking she asked me if I liked older girls. When she said older I was thinking women twice my age with kids and said no. Months later found out she was pretty bummed with my answer.

I'm pretty good with playful and suggestive flirting though. Innuendos and double entendres and that kind of stuff. I think it's because I find it funny and I do get humor. I'm also fairly perverted.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

30 Sep 2015, 2:07 am

SpongeBobFan wrote:
Does anybody else here find flirting incredibly hard to understand?


Umm, no. It's easy.

SpongeBobFan wrote:
Have you ever had any times where someone was clearly flirting with you, but at the time you had no idea what was happening?


Only NTs. Their kind of flirting is totally alien.

SpongeBobFan wrote:
For example, back in in high school there was a girl who I didn't know too well, who always took the time to say "Hi" to me. I just took it as general friendliness until her best friend had to walk up to me one day and blatantly point out that the girl liked me.

Another example was just a few months ago. I was in a KFC waiting for my order, and two girls started talking to me, one talking to me more than the other. When we got to the topic of travelling, she seemed particularly interested in knowing who I travelled with. I didn't realise until 2 hours later that she was probably trying to find out whether I was single or not


Two examples of NT flirting.

Tip: Learn the neurodiverse way with looking at girls instead. You will probably get nowhere with NT girls anyway even if you learn to detect their flirting behavior.



JimmyTheOne
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 29 Sep 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 2
Location: Australia

30 Sep 2015, 2:25 am

I found watching tutorials by pick-up artists to be somewhat useful, inasmuch as it can help you figure out when a NT is being deliberately and overtly flirtatious. Also having a NT friend who can sit with you at a pub and describe what interactions other people are having with each other is something that helped me a lot. Left to my own devices though, I generally forget to think about putting myself in other people's shoes and so I end up missing flirty remarks completely. Hope that helps.



underwater
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,904
Location: Hibernating

30 Sep 2015, 2:41 am

On average, it takes me about 10 years to figure out that someone has been flirting with me.
I find the domination games some guys play incredibly offensive. Apparently, this is supposed to be attractive.

People tell me I'm flirty, though. I have no idea why.



Drawyer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Away

30 Sep 2015, 4:08 am

(I hope I could give men a little help showing a lady's perspective on this matter. And it's only my subjective view even though I use "women/men" in following content. So you guys don't need to be offended by any sentences.)

If a woman is kind, friendly, playful with you, while you're not that close to each other(don't know each other well enough)..she feels highly possibly comfortable and safe being around you..it's possibly far from thinking you as a dating partner yet.

Most women are shy in front of her crushes. It takes times for her to break this shyness..like men do.

Online where people are faceless and nameless..women can get bolder..which means even little knowing her partner, she can be kind to you, joke around with you skipping the step of breaking her shyness..because there is no face to feel shy…means again, no need to take times to break her shyness. Therefore she's possibly not flirting with you.

If a woman feel comfortable being around you, it's possible someday suddenly she would start to see you as her serious dating partner.

I recommend men not to consider being kind as flirting in the stage before knowing her at least to some extent.


_________________
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are."


Lukeda420
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,640
Location: Chicago suburbs.

30 Sep 2015, 8:12 am

Yeah, I can't tell when someone is flirting with me. I'm sure it's happened but I can never tell.



izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

30 Sep 2015, 8:45 am

I got no idea usually...

I have also watched many tutorials, informationals and even joined an (online) PuA seminar to at least learn what to look for.

One example, by a woman even, on such an occasion, she'd show a classic, "obvious" flirting move, and everyone in the room was laughing that noone would ever be that obvious.
At the same time, i was just sitting there, still waiting for the example to start...
Later, she'd come up to me and show it up close, and it terrified me, i had never expected a woman to look that... evil, for lack of a better word, but is was supposed to be the boldest "take me right here and now" that anyone could ever give...

At that point, i gave up and went for online dating



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

30 Sep 2015, 9:13 am

I like the way rdos thinks.

In my humble opinion, the definition of flirting is simply to verbally or non-verbally express your physical or emotional attraction to another person.

And there are no 'rules' of flirting - anyone can flirt, so long as it is attempting to make the other person aware of how you feel/what you want.

And also, everyone flirts differently as well. My way is usually a very subtle and sneaky way - usually the female has no idea, but people who are observing might question if I am or not. With my ex-girlfriend it was more playful and hidden (e.g. her friends asked her who she liked and she didn't answer, then they left us alone, and I asked my ex in a playful way 'Yeah, X, who DO you like? ;)" and another time her friend asked her if she had a boyfriend, she said yes but didn't reveal my name due to us having the relationship private, and I went up and said "Yeah X, who's your BOYFRIEND? ;)")

I'd say even if you're an aspie and too shy to talk to a girl, but instead become the sweaty, nervous, shaky guy, that's still 'flirting' in a sense, because it expresses your feelings. Some women even like that kind of stuff and find it 'cute', so if she likes you back then yeah it's not a bad thing.

OP gave a good example of what I mean. A nervous girl even just shyly saying 'hi' is 'flirting' (by definition and by personal opinion).

So yeah, I'm good at flirting, my own ways, my own methods, so long as all 'rules' for flirting are broken and instead only defined as 'expressing your attraction to another person'.



ProfessorJohn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,153
Location: The Room at the end of 2001

30 Sep 2015, 9:46 am

Yeah, I can't pick up on most of that stuff either. Looking back now, I can see that there were a few females that were probably flirting with me back in my 20s and early 30. Wish I had known it was going on then and how to respond. Why did I have to have this stupid disorder?



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

30 Sep 2015, 8:00 pm

Nope I just assume it's never flirting . Lots of things people say are flirting are also just being nice for most people so there's no way to tell.



Jacoby
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Arizona

30 Sep 2015, 8:36 pm

Flirting is just a completely different language for me, I wouldn't recognize it in real time and I sure as hell have no idea how to do it. I'm not a person that takes or compliments well I guess, it makes me uncomfortable so maybe I just project my own belief onto women cause I can't imagine not looking like the worst kind of creep.



Last edited by Jacoby on 30 Sep 2015, 8:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DailyPoutine1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Mar 2015
Age: 24
Posts: 2,278
Location: Province of Québec, Canada

30 Sep 2015, 8:55 pm

Last year when I was in 9th grade I was eating one day at the cafeteria I was eating then this sweet girl came to me and started talking to me but I can't remember what she said but anyways she was with some friends of her so I kept my usual non-emotional face. Then she sighed and went away. I thought at them time that she was just sick of not being able to get a laugh at me. I finished eating and waited alone on a bench as usual.



Feyokien
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,303
Location: The Northern Waste

30 Sep 2015, 9:09 pm

I used to be really naive, but through experience I've gotten pretty good at spotting it when it happens to me, but I've never done anything about it.



ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername
Raven
Raven

Joined: 24 Sep 2015
Age: 32
Posts: 124
Location: Wisconsin

01 Oct 2015, 6:58 am

rdos wrote:
Tip: Learn the neurodiverse way with looking at girls instead.

I don't suppose you'd care to elaborate on this?