Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Innocent things that can mistakeenly seen as creepy?

Page 1 of 8 [ 113 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 8  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Lukeda420
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,640
Location: Chicago suburbs.

29 Sep 2015, 10:47 am

One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?



Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

29 Sep 2015, 11:12 am

A typical ugly guy walks into a room full of people, and there's only two empty seats left. One is next to an old man with rotten-teeth. The other is next to a relatively hot looking chick.

The guy is probably going to be viewed as having performed a slightly creepy-act unless he chooses the seat next to the old man.(no one will inform the guy of this though)



MissZahara
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 28 Sep 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 29

29 Sep 2015, 12:12 pm

Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?


Being polite and (graciously) taking no for an answer are the best ways to avoid being seen as creepy.

You also want to avoid overfishing the pond.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

29 Sep 2015, 12:59 pm

Venger wrote:
A typical ugly guy walks into a room full of people, and there's only two empty seats left. One is next to an old man with rotten-teeth. The other is next to a relatively hot looking chick.

The guy is probably going to be viewed as having performed a slightly creepy-act unless he chooses the seat next to the old man.(no one will inform the guy of this though)


Based on the odor rotting teeth causes, I think it would look more like they don't want to sit next someone with that, if there is another seat available. Now if you get on a bus and there are tons of empty seats and you sit down next to this attractive female that may come off a bit creepy. I know its irritated me before when I am on the bus, barely anyone else on and someone has to come sit right next to me even worse if they expect me to make room for them....next time though I won't move my stuff I'll tell them 'there is a whole bus full of seats surely you can find an open one.'

The other day I actually moved seats because a guy got on and sat behind my seat and out of the corner of my eye I see him fondling the metal bar at the top of the seat next to me like hardcore fondling uncomfortably close to the back of my head.....I couldn't say if they were trying to be 'sexual' like craving they could be touching me that way rather than just the seat next to me or if he just really likes the feel of rubbing his hand on the bars on bus seats and just wasn't considering it might make the person in or next to that seat uncomfortable. Either way though it creeped me out so I stood up gave them a 'wtf' look and sat somewhere else away from them.


_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.


SilverStar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,058
Location: Ohio, USA

30 Sep 2015, 12:56 am

Staring (there's a fine line between creepy staring, and flirty staring), not respecting boundries, saying inappropriate things, wearing the "wrong" clothes, and sneaking up on people without saying anything, will surely creep people out.



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

30 Sep 2015, 3:45 am

Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?



I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

30 Sep 2015, 3:52 am

SilverStar wrote:
Staring (there's a fine line between creepy staring, and flirty staring), not respecting boundries, saying inappropriate things, wearing the "wrong" clothes, and sneaking up on people without saying anything, will surely creep people out.

well, for me at least, staring is not the problem, its maintaining eye contact is the problem. its like holding your hand over a flame.
boundaries I am pretty good with. I may not have the best words, but I have been with enough other people to know i am better than most... wrong clothing... I admit I am a Luddite to the world of fashion, so... yeah... that I would need guidance on. Sneaking up, I only do that with friends, have never done that with someone i don't know.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

30 Sep 2015, 6:11 am

When she says "no" that's what she means - literally. On the other Aspie website, some of the men thought they should keep pursuing the woman (because she's prob playing hard to get) and one even kept calling and sending flowers, etc. This won't get you a date, but it will get you arrested (which is what happened to this particular guy - for stalking.)


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

30 Sep 2015, 6:57 am

nurseangela wrote:
When she says "no" that's what she means - literally.


I thought autistics are notorious for often taking meanings literally. I remember sometimes mistakenly doing that when I was younger, although now I can usually tell the difference.



MissZahara
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 28 Sep 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 29

30 Sep 2015, 9:43 am

SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?



I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.


Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.

FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

30 Sep 2015, 4:14 pm

nurseangela wrote:
When she says "no" that's what she means - literally. On the other Aspie website, some of the men thought they should keep pursuing the woman (because she's prob playing hard to get) and one even kept calling and sending flowers, etc. This won't get you a date, but it will get you arrested (which is what happened to this particular guy - for stalking.)



That's not an innocent thing nurseangela- we are talking about innocent things that can be mistakenly seen as creepy.



Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

30 Sep 2015, 4:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
When she says "no" that's what she means - literally. On the other Aspie website, some of the men thought they should keep pursuing the woman (because she's prob playing hard to get) and one even kept calling and sending flowers, etc. This won't get you a date, but it will get you arrested (which is what happened to this particular guy - for stalking.)


That's not an innocent thing nurseangela- we are talking about innocent things that can be mistakenly seen as creepy.


I'm pretty sure that's more of an NT trait as well(just like her). Despite trying to imply otherwise with the "other aspie website" reference. :roll:



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

30 Sep 2015, 4:50 pm

Venger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
When she says "no" that's what she means - literally. On the other Aspie website, some of the men thought they should keep pursuing the woman (because she's prob playing hard to get) and one even kept calling and sending flowers, etc. This won't get you a date, but it will get you arrested (which is what happened to this particular guy - for stalking.)


That's not an innocent thing nurseangela- we are talking about innocent things that can be mistakenly seen as creepy.


I'm pretty sure that's more of an NT trait as well(just like her). Despite trying to imply otherwise with the "other aspie website" reference. :roll:


That trait is common in PUA "literature" - which is all about the pub/club culture, aka very NTish.



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

30 Sep 2015, 5:30 pm

MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?



I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.


Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.

FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.

that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

30 Sep 2015, 5:36 pm

SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?



I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.


Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.

FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.

that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...


An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar. :|

He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot. :lol: :P



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

30 Sep 2015, 5:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?



I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.


Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.

FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.

that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...


An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar. :|

He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot. :lol: :P


well, there in lies my point. the funny thing is, I am not out of shape by any means, I have studied kempo since high school and try to knock out 2 sets of 100 push up daily. problem is, if you ARE in shape people expect your sex drive to override your brain, which I cannot do. so I never surrender my own caution. but yeah. i don't want to be creepy, yet, many guys seem to easily succeed when being creepy. its kinda not fair...