I just don't know anymore

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Revelations upon revelations upon revelations. When I think I finally understand my problem, I find new or buried information that brings with it new implications.

So I'm a 19 year-old Aspie guy with no romantic experience aside from a couple of short incidents online. I also don't have a very high view of myself where it relates to being attractive to the opposite sex. I'm often caught up in what appears to be a mental tug-of-war between cause and effect here. Do I feel unattractive because women don't tend to be interested in me, or do women tend not to be interested in me because I feel unattractive? Or is it because I actually am unattractive that I feel that way and haven't experienced a relationship? These kinds of questions plague me regularly.

I'm finding it hard to distinguish between what I see to be true about myself, and what others see to be true about me. I go through stages believing one thing and then believing another. Sometimes, I'll think there's something fundamentally wrong and unfixable about my appearance, but other times, I'll believe there's hope for me if I get in better shape and sort out a few other flaws. If I'm going to work hard on myself, I want to know for sure it's going to pay off, make me feel better about myself and allow others to see me the way I want to be seen, but having an unstable perception of my core problem makes things difficult.

My perceived problem often switches. Sometimes I think I don't have much social success because I'm physically unattractive, or because of specific (and varying) physical features. Other times, I think it's more because of my Asperger's and accompanying awkwardness. I just wish I knew what I had to do to become reasonably attractive to reasonably attractive women, and have more confidence in myself and the way I look. If there isn't a feasible way of this happening, I honestly don't think there's much point going on with it all. If I can't ever be happy with myself, I don't want to face the world. I'm over seeing women I'm attracted to and just knowing they'd never be interested in a guy like me, and seeing everyone else my age developing cliques and connections whilst I feel confined in a low self-esteem bubble.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there's nothing good about me. I know I'm pretty intelligent, witty, and when I want to be, considerate. I'm sure at least some of you would suggest to join interest groups to meet people, etc, but I just don't feel like I'm good enough. I want to feel worthy of a relationship before I try to get one, but I just don't know if I can ever feel good enough about my appearance for that to happen. I'll post a few pictures of myself and probably some more details about my situation when I get home so you see what I have to work with, but I need to get ready for work right now

You need more self-confidence.