Gender bias in the TOS

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So I just had a post removed, took a glance at the TOS for this forum and there was the explanation.

You do understand, that the autistic demographic is dominated by males, and therefore, removing posts that point out negative tendencies in the female demographic is counter-intuitive for a forum where the purpose is to discuss dating, right?

How can you help someone, or be of therapeutic aid when they can't even share their observations regarding the opposite sex if they experience something more than once in an isolated incident and perhaps see a correlation in behavior?

The overwhelming majority of posters here are male, that much we can deduce from the autism statistics in general without even having to do a forum-specific survey.

But they're not allowed to point out any negative tendencies or trends among females. So if I understand it right, it's perfectly fine to talk about isolated incidents, but to analyze them and see correlations and thereby warn people of possible red flags, that's sexism? Are we even allowed to have cognitive abilities anymore? Or is that offensive or sexist as well?

You do realize that autistic people are generally more trusting and therefore generally easier to exploit than neurotypicals? So if you have been taken advantage of several times and learned from those situations, you can't point out the correlations, because that's "hurtful" to people who could identify with the perpetrator?

In regards to being offended by generalizations. If you know you're not like that, and know that said generalization does not apply to everyone, then why take offense to someones personal experience? Are people really so insecure that they need an echo-chamber of validation everywhere they go?

Tendencies are just that. They are not absolutes because there are variables involved. You are more likely to be run over by a car if you mindlessly run across the street during rush hour for instance. Other times of day, and accident would be less likely.

It's the same with people. There are certain circumstances that encourage cynical behavior. This is acknowledging human nature. But we can't acknowledge this even exists?

Are we to remain social cripples and eternal victims of exploitation because acknowledging cynicism among certain protected demographics is considered thought crime?

Do we really have to make private appointment with professionals to talk about difficult experiences involving women, because on the internet, the feminists can't handle you implying women could ever do anything wrong?

I'd be happy to have these questions answered and specified.

Hi Neo. Nice to meet you. As a female on the spectrum and on these boards quite a lot, this is a very important issue to me, so I would be glad to talk to you about this if you'd like.

Well, not all of them are male. I don't know specifically what you posted, so I can't tell you specifically what was offensive about it. However, if I were you, I'd re-read your post, imagining that it was directed at men rather than women. See how that strikes you. Does it make you mad? Does it generalize? This can be a good litmus test.


Yes, but the world is already male-oriented. You, as a man, may have a harder time seeing male privilege, because it's not something that pushes-you-down every day but it does not mean that it doesn't exist. One thing I really like about this forum is that male or female, people here tend to treat each other with a lot of understanding, as we're all in the same awkward social boat. Please don't think of it as a "me-vs-women" scenario. We're not all against you, even if we ask you to treat us differently than you might be automatically inclined to do.


Yes, but that doesn't mean that you can just kick-out all of the women, lol. This is the same kind of logic that some NT use to justify cuts in special education and other programs that help people on the spectrum. Just because we're a minority doesn't mean that we don't exist.


You are speaking in really general terms right now, so I don't know what you mean.


I think warning other people on the spectrum of exploitation is a commendable act, you just need to make sure you aren't blaming the innocent when you do so. Did you generalize and accuse all women of doing this? If so, let's not worry about what is and isn't offensive. This just simply isn't true.


It is not just offensive, it is wrong to say "All men are (negative stereotype)" or "All women are (negative stereotype)." Not only that, erroneous generalizations DON'T help people. It's really important to your own healing, as well as to others, that you need to think past your emotions about someone that hurt you. Again, we're not all out to get you. Some of us just want to help.

As a scientist, I'd estimate that you can't have possibly dated enough of the world's population of females to accurately assess what all of our "tendencies" are. Furthermore, talking experimental design here, how do you know that being female is what causes these tendencies? Have you ever dated other men as a control? (possible, but less likely I am guessing). Even if you did, if you don't have enough samples to run a chi-square, I wouldn't hang my hat on it. So thinking like, minimum, date 5 men and come back to me with that.


Again, I can't help you. You're being very general and I don't know what you're talking about specifically.


Let's put this into perspective for a minute. When you speak about all women as if they are something bad, it hurts all of us, because it is directed at all of us. When someone deletes your post, it hurts you only, because it was directed at you only. You may feel hurt and singled-out, but you also have hurt a lot of others. You are not exactly an innocent victim in this situation.

If a woman friend of mine spoke of men the way you are speaking of women in this post, I'd tell her she was confused and angry and that what she was saying wasn't true. In your case, I say... you are confused and angry and what you are saying is untrue. I just want to be clear, because it's very important to me, this is equal treatment.


I for one don't mind talking with you about this if it helps you understand my perspective on the matter. I don't want men to think they must fight against women. I don't want discord. This is not how I personally (not as a stereotype) operate. I don't want to attack you for being a man. Being a man is a wonderful thing, and I for one really like men . I hope you feel the same way, and wouldn't attack me for being a women either, or for believing that I deserve just the same kindness and respect that you deserve. I think deep down this probably is how you feel. You are just hurting from something that's a lot harder to explain.

Last edited by Fern on 13 Oct 2015, 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes. Yes. More yes Fern. So eloquent!

No, not all of them. However, the percentage of males diagnosed with autism greatly outnumbers that of females. To then enforce feminist policies, which are inherently gender biased, does not make sense as it discriminates against the primary demographic of this forum. That is, statistically, most of these posts will be males discussing relationship issues. Since statistically, most are heterosexual, then it is women who are discussed for the most part. Again this is mere statistics. To then forbid them from talking about common denominators in incidents because some women could identify with it and thereby take offense makes it impossible to analyze experiences so as to discuss exactly what went wrong because the mere notion of pointing out negative tendencies as pertaining to females is considered generalizing or offensive.

I don't take things personally that are not directly addressed towards me, so that litmus test would not be very effective from my perspective. I for instance, am a bit religious, but I don't get my feelings hurt when atheists make fun of my religion. They don't make fun of me personally, so there is no reason for offense. So none taken, naturally.



Is it? Or does this forum censor discussion to make it appear as such. Is having to pay 18 years of child support a privilege? That's a good example of how men are easily taken advantage of if tricked into a situation like that. An autistic male would probably be naive enough for a cynical woman to set him up and take advantage of him like that. Get pregnant and then leave him to cash in child support. Marriage too is another area where men can be exploited and potentially become bankrupt and/or homeless. Are they still privileged? Autistic males might be socially blind to abusive personality traits that are red flags to a potentially harmful situation like that. But to talk about this is generalizing because someone might identify with that woman because they might have certain variables that were discussed in common?



If someones presence alone warrants that level of censorship where they feel "kicked out" if someone shares negative experiences involving their demographic, then they advocate for biased hugboxes, and that's eerily Orwellian if you ask me.



I certainly didn't. I also pointed out toxic behavior between females, and that women who frequent this forum probably also feel targeted because autism can make you socially blind to the subtleties of psychopathic behavior.



Well, then that ought to apply to those who feel hurt by generalizations.
There is also the strawman argument of claiming generalizations when there were none. I.e any discussion of tendencies, correlation and causation is quickly labeled generalization because someone who could identify with one or more variables felt targeted, for whatever reason.



I am a heterosexual. If you said the same thing to a homosexual, advocating he'd date women to "get over his bias", it'd be considered rude and oppressive.



You're misrepresenting my post. Where did I state that all women are bad? Now let's consider the roles were reversed and a woman was subject to physical or sexual abuse by a male abuser for instance. Would it be "generalizing" to point out psycopathic behavior patterns that could indicate a man would be more inclined to abuse a woman? Suddenly it's different because the victim is a woman, isn't it?

When men are on the receiving end of domestic violence perpetrated by a woman, they literally can not retaliate.
Just imagine what happens if they do. I guess that's privilege too?



Thank you, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to address my points one by one.

If what you're looking to do is bash women for the supposed crime of not wanting to date you, there are plenty of (shudder) pick up artist websites out there. And reddit!

Unlike the other lady in this thread, who addressed my post politely and well mannered, you ignored every point I made and instead painted a strawman which you proceeded to attack.

You also implied that I'm unattractive and can't get a date. That's hostile and a direct personal attack.

Can you imagine if I did the same thing to you? That would be sexist, wouldn't it? It would warrant post deletion at best, and a ban at worst.

You can ignore her. She got banned long ago for hostile posts towards men, but she keeps coming back under other usernames trying to make more men feel like crap.

1. If women abandon their kids they have to pay child support too actually. If they don't they can face jail time, same as a man. The fact that male parents are far less likely to be awarded custody than female parents is very unfair to many good fathers that just want to know their kids if you ask me though.

2. No, this forum didn't invent sexism via "censorship." It exists.

Its true, a small group of NTs see we dont have any defenses and can take us to the cleaners. I think we need to discuss this because we are vulnerable.

But women here can point out negative tendencies in the female demographic so freely:

viewtopic.php?t=294708

^ You see, most of their experiences is horrible with women, yet when a man says the same thing, they attack him. The justification given by user BirdinFlight: viewtopic.php?f=27&t=294708&start=15
that it is ok if women say negative generalizations about women through what they experienced in their life, but if it comes from men then...oohhhhh it becomes evil!!

Oh just to note, this bias btw, is not coming from the mods, believe me - they are the most unbiased mods so far - but some of the very vocal female users here (and some few Damsel-in-distress rescue knights) are abnormally biased.

If we turn around BirdinFlight's logic, then I as a man, for example can insult and criticize men who are displaying sexual harassment/catcalling behavior, in the same way a family member can criticize a family member; but if she criticizes those men, then I am supposed to feel 'hurt' because she is not part of this 'group' (the males) and therefore ...I am supposed to defend them just because a female criticized them?


??? What a logic!! !

wow... I wonder how long this shitstorm with last...

who is this person?