Old flame, no contact... then contact. Help?

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I'm not sure whether this forum is the correct one, because the situation is... complicated. At least it is in my mind. And apologies for any fragmented sentences, any eloquence escapes me when describing emotion.

I have been contacted by someone I haven't spoken to in a long time. A relatively long time compared to my adult life. Three years. Time is not important, personal experience is. I'm not explaining myself well.

I think I fell in love with a friend. All the symptoms indicated such. After I told her I wanted to spend time with her alone, not in the context of socialising and friendship, she said she'd prefer we didn't change our friendship. Shortly after that was the last time she spoke to me. As far as I know, my behaviour didn't alter much in the intervening time.

I tried contacting her a couple of times over the next few months, nothing too often, and nothing more than the "hi, how are you" messages. No response.

So I resolved to "get over her", and I feel I've made progress. Self growth, hopefully. I don't want to explain it all here, but it was strange. We were close, but there were times when (looking back) she was kind of a b-.

Anyway, no contact for two years, then she messages me asking how I've been. I almost had a meltdown.



Any advice on how I respond? I know you don't know the intimates, but if you've been in a similar situation, I want to hear.

Just roll with it. Who's to say all that wasn't just a side effect of her anxiety? I think it's best to dispel what social pressures you can & stay in contact. I'm kind of waiting for a similar response, having spent a similar amount of time on introspection myself. Obviously you care enough to calmly deal with the challenges, I've been apprehensive about getting into normal relationship because my bizarre on/off long distance one is by far the best for me. It's really just about placing enough trust in someone to tell them and then letting them deal with it, this can take quite a while when the past was already confusing enough but it bests the alternative. She knows she made you nervous...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I've had similar experiences. I actually had someone from the past contact me not too long ago. How you respond to her rally depends on the level of involvement you want to have with get in the future. If you want to resume the relationship, just respond to her and see how it goes. If you don't want to hear from her again, don't respond. If it's something in between, respond to her and figure it out as you go along.

It's hard to tell what her intentions are, so I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet. Just give her a friendly hello back, if you want, and leave the ball in her court.

I find that given enough options, nobody wants to leave bridges burnt indefinitely. Either that or progress in my social life happens without me really anticipating it, the internet is not as big as most people think. Stuff echoes around in here...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Humor her. Give her a response and see how things go. make her earn any respect or friendship from you if she is looking for it. I'm hoping though that she isn't contacting you out of the blue for an ego boost after getting it bruised elsewhere.