Dealing with Meltdowns

Post Reply New Topic

When I get into arguements with my husbands, sometimes (okay, often) I get frustrated while trying to explain how I feel, and why his behavior upsets me, and end up just screaming. If he yells at me, I get scared, and end up stimming, sometimes even hitting my face.

He's sick of me "acting crazy" and insists my behavior is "not normal". When I've told him I think I'm an Aspie, he insists that I can't know that because I'm not a doctor, and that if I get an official diagnosis, then he'll read up and find out what Asperger's is. Until then, he just thinks I'm "psycho".

Does anyone have any hints on avoiding meltdowns, or keeping in control and managing to act like a normal person? I've been pretending to be normal all my life, but it's harder around people I'm really close to, and I'm afraid if I did go in to get diagnosed, I'd act like I normally do around strangers and fool the doctor into thinking I'm normal. I really don't think I'm crazy, and I do try to communicate about things that are bothering me, it just never works right.

I used to breakdown and start screaming, too, with my significant other. I am no longer with him, but only in looking back can I think of things that would have helped. The screaming would start when I felt overwhelmed with him shouting and saying what sounded like contradictory things. If I could have asked for space and silence, (I don't know if he would have given it) maybe I could have calmed down enough to communicate effectively. I think that even when NT's communicate, there is a tendency to yell and shout. Which is the worse thing for someone on the spectrum.

If your husband will agree, it might be good to say that when things need to be discussed, only discuss them when CALM. Otherwise, it's just a shouting match.

StitchwitchD, I have to do it in private. I want to go into the bedroom, close the door, and sometimes just shake and cry. I think it is important that you work out some "rules" of arguments when you're both calm. The best scenario is to be able to call a timeout to arguments where you can both walk away and decompress before you have a melt down.

I'm not sure if you can explain aspie emotions to him, but the timeout thing is very popular NT psychologists. If your hubby is rational type, try working on his logic and the fact that calling timeout during arguments is the sensible thing to do. And let him know when you need to be alone.

I hope this helps.

Or just go for straightforward NT speak. "Let's discuss this when we're both not as emotional about it. Nothing can get resolved now." Guys don't want to appear emotional. He'll wait until he's calmed down most likely.

Glad it's you and not me. My most common reaction to men who get emotional is, "Try some Premsyn (sp?). Helps me when I feel like that." That calms them down immediately. They hate being compared to women during PMS. I also notice they never get emotional around me again after that.

From what I've read about how your husband responds to you, I'd say spend as little time as possible in his company. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't seem like you are a particularly suitable match.

He calls you a psycho? What!? Why are you married to this prick?

I'm the opposite. My ex was/is very wordy in her talk (mostly in a profane manner) and in a argue I simply switched to professional mode and logic. I don't recall we've ever had a argue with loud voices, even our closest friends can't tell when whe're arguing or joking.... She may be wordy but I'm the writer, because both she and my daughter are dyslectics.

It's also quite fun according to our friends to hear their comment on our brawls, "don't you ever yell at eachother about things!". Why should I? Why should she? I'm only explaining my point of view and my ex hers, and we make a compromise. This can be very hard to explain but I've always been like this. And not shy to say what I think anyway. We switch between a argue about things and joking about things faster than you can say "A".

But to get frank, I'd never accept the behaviour you describe. It's just simply not polite and a sign of thinking you're a conquered possession rather than a friend for/in life. And you're not something to hang tindering in a christmas tree. You're a human beeing.

If you think this was hard words, please accept my appologies, you are in a Asperger forum so you have to take some lack of social skillfulness.