I am losing faith in women

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Hi all,

Hope you have a great holidays and new year. I am due back to my uni (and work) home this Sunday after spending two weeks back home including after two weeks field trip to Vietnam. December was full of different destinations I visited! Back to reality soon.

Anyway about the topic, why I am losing faith in women. The new year parties clearly determine what kind of women out there. Who love to party, drinking and do silly things. I am no party pooper, I enjoy time without alcohol and go and have fun without alcohol being involved. Though I feel terrible living in Australia, and western countries similar to Australia because it take alcohol as highest priority of social norm.

I do not trust women no matter how much they drink. I lived through many years of college and that meeting women who have been drinking. I find so stressful and frustrating to communicate with people who are drinking. I really hate the substance, but not the people. Unfortunately, its their problem involving alcohol to make their living. This makes me unfaithful towards women. I understand that I haven't got a chance to get a date and relationship. Its because the drinking is such a majority and I am against it. Its too overwhelming, dangerous, expensive, mentally unstable and fake to be around someone like that.

I am turning 25 next month and I am getting more worried of not finding anyone who supports my perspective on this. I am not into clubbing, bar catcher or promiscuous kind of person. Its waste of time. Hearing and seeing lot of women around my age still doing all of those things is actually makes me feel less confident because how I able to build a relationship and marry someone who drinks and do crappy stuff while I get too much stress and pressure being sober and sensitive about it? I rarely ever come across who likes me who doesn't drink and do crazy mentally unstable kind of stuff. Ratio of meeting someone is like as hard as the gender ratio out of mining towns. 10 men for 1 women.

Other thing is I am entirely sick of people kept getting out and in relationships, from the break up into the new ones and repeat suddenly. Like a rebound effect. It wastes my time because they are wasting their times of being with wrong person. I am not saying they are all for me, but it something for them should look harder to find me. I can't keep going just on being my own getting so difficult finding someone because they aren't looking for me.

Its sad life because I am missing a key someone who would spend time with me. I am getting older soon so I need to have that time to make up my life of fulfillment. I don't care for people who keep saying to me wait and that. Why I need to wait when the women aren't looking for me?

I would reject a girl who used to do all the alcohol, partying and high number of sexual partners before me (or before settling down) because I will assume her will have continuous problems like mentally/emotionally unstable, have sexual diseases where that limits on fertility and related stuff. I am not trying to be crazy or want everything to be perfect here. I am trying to make a point that I want what I really need to make up for me. And in return for her.

It just seem I am losing faith of people in my generation and the younger ones. When, how and where I am going to meet her? Its another year again, 2016.

Please do not lose faith in women. There are women out there who share you views. I am a female who does not act like those women you described above. Many times I even feel the same way then I remind myself that there are people who are introverted and do not take part in stuff like partying and drinking. But you know what? If they want to drink, party, and have a lot of casual sex then let them do that and you continue avoiding them (since that is the only option here). You have to keep looking for your type. And whatever you do do not change yourself for anyone. Maybe if you look in places where you will find the more quiet type of girl you can have a chance of meeting your dream girl.

I am not a party person. I don't like party people. I do not drink alcohol except at times of extreme emotional distress. Which, in my life so far, has been twice. Can't stand the taste, but it's easily available and works.

I would not go out looking for a potential girlfriend, or even friend, amongst party types. Though I wouldn't actually go out looking for a girlfriend at all. Since 1997, I have used personal ads in the back of music magazines, phone dating (as in recorded messages, rather than Tinder) and online dating (Plenty of Fish, OKCupid). All have yielded something. I've tried to be as clear as I can on what I'm like, and have had women approach me, and some relationships from that.

I suppose I'm lucky in that the women you describe simply don't register as interesting to me, as such people in general don't. Being in any kind of relationship with them would be a nightmare for both parties.

I've always looked for the weird ones, the quiet ones, the thoughtful ones. It's been an educational experience to come here and see Aspie men wanting to date the 'party' or 'hot' (here as much character type as the given aesthetic one) women sort. I'm aware I'm being narrow-minded here, drawing distinctions where they aren't necessarily so - there's no reason a weird, thoughtful woman (or again, person) shouldn't want to shake their arse in a drunken stupor.

I was - am - a weird, quiet, lost-in-thought man. There were similar women looking for such men, and I was lucky to find them.

Do you know what kind of person you're looking for? You seem clearer on what you don't want than what you do. The old advice about finding an activity you think the sort of person you're looking for would be into, that you could enjoy together, and going to groups organised around that applies here.

I have been going to lot of social events like meetup events where introverted women go to. They don't have things going well for me. I couldn't keep the conversation going because they follow someone else instead. I have a hearing loss as well, and I find people are terribly judgmental of that. Again I met deaf ladies too and they act a same, even battering their own disabilities.

I just having a very bad luck. Just terrible life. Everything is like a curse, let alone when I didn't do anything that make a curse.

Yes, there's definately a variety of different kinds of people around. If you don't want to end up with a party woman you're almost certainly not going to meet her at a party. Start looking elsewhere, that's where they're hiding and probably thinking the same as you: "where are the non-party men?"

Sometimes, the same thing happens to me with men. I'm not too much of a party girl, but when I'm in a club and a boy takes me out to dance, it's like I just want the song to end as soon as possible to stop dancing with him and go back with my friends. I don't think clubs are the right place to find a man!
Don't lose faith! I'm sure you will find a woman who doesn't like drinking and all that stuff. In fact, I only drink ver occasionally and I don't like the taste of most alcoholic drinks.
Good luck!!

I have met quite few of those who doesn't drink and are single. They kept denying me from making friends and make too many assumptions on who I am like a crazy mental kind of person where they don't understand my disabilities. I had many situations women deny my intelligence of mapping the streets. Like in Ho Chi Minh City last month there were three girls with the field trip team walking back to the hotel from the city sights. They told me they got lost and used the map. I tried to tell them many times that we are not lost, by remembering the street's names and visual sites like that building is the place we walked past before, and I remembered that tree. They kept denying me and looking at the map consistently ignoring me. Then I ended up crossing a busy motorbike ridden busy one way street. Then they followed me. Then we got to the hotel, they got shut up.

I am telling you all. This is how women judges me. They are cruel, mean, bitchy and so assuming of my intelligence. I have so hard time to get along with them. I am assertive with them, but they are not assertive with me. They used my lack of social skills as a judgment to make excuses.

I'm horrible at mapping the streets. But I also feel ignored so many times when I know I'm right, and people just don't pay attention to what I say. Later on, it turns out I was right, and I really feel like saying: 'I told ya!! !! !', but I normally don't, because they are still going to ignore me... It's so sad!

You could try joining a religious group that has moral values against partying & meet women there.

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Last edited by Feyokien on 01 Jan 2016, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you're not interested in women who are into clubbing and drinking, then don't go to clubs/bars looking for women. If you're interested in finding a woman who IS into the same things you are, then go find groups of people who are into the same things you are. If they're not full of dicks, chances are that there will be a few women in there too, and some of them may even be single and also looking for a guy who is into the same thing they are.

Oh great. It like a typical women wishful thinking is considering to kill myself because they don't want me? That is NOT assertive. That is pure attitude problem.

I did showed them where we are on the map and put us in the reality by looking at the buildings and street signs. They still not listening to me. That is lack of sincerity. They ignore me because of my poor social skills, as an excuse.

People denying on their intelligence is ridiculously aggressive behaviour. They are 21 year olds. They have not learn effective communication strategies. That why I observe so many rebound relationships and women get hurt of themselves its because of poor communication. Not listening to people.

I don't have a problem. If you see me aggressive, you are actually being aggressive by judging your long continuous attacking posts saying I did everything is wrong. That how I am being mistreated.

I stopped going to clubs and bars many years ago. Instead I go to meetup events and environmental common interest events. They are like music, chill and peace destinations. Meetup events like movies, board games (very common), picnics, BBQs, swimming, hiking and that. I have been doing that since May 2015. I met women there too. Nothing is happening. I thought I hit off one who have PTSD but I stepped back because she have too many personal issues.

Tried that and didn't work because I am not religious. I am a science person and I research for proven scientific results. I use real counselors and psychologists to make me a happy person. I can't pretend things.

Exactly! I pointed them out on the map initially showing them where we are and what direction we should walk in reality. They continue to ignore and three of them kept complaining how lost they are. We all four of us don't know each others before the field trip. They make an excuse on my intelligence of my ability to not to get lost. I drove across the US for 4 months in 37 states and I have this guy with me as a trip buddy and he followed me places because he knew that I proven him I am intelligent of mapping and following directions. Yes, we didn't have a GPS!

Gosh, why it always women beating me to death and use me a signal to hell? I never attack anyone. I am nowhere a rapist, drunktard and idiotic guy that they continually date for. They have no communication skills like aggressive-assertive-passive and observational values. It just plain blind on everything.

Must be them like in their 20's finding out what they are.

I think there's a lot going on in this thread.... but from here from the viewpoint of a 50+ guy, I didn't recognize or find any right-fitting women (or men) in my 20's and even into my 30's. Really a late bloomer but as it goes in this community, but it does get better.

I'm not sure if the change comes in yourself or from others, but eventually for me I stopped looking at the ones that culture said were good, and found the ability to find great loving partnership. Yes, perhaps the most visible women in their 20's can be like you say, and the most visible men in their 20's are pretty bad too. But I do look back and wonder about some really good missed opportunities in that time that I just didn't see, or was too overwhelmed by life to allow.