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Are we dating or not?

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ehymw
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15 Jul 2018, 3:04 pm

Yesterday me an the likely Apie girl got together for a second time.

We hung out for FIVE HOURS and still like each other. :o

However she seemed uncomfortable when I hugged her hello and uncomfortable when I hugged her goodbye and didn't want to take my hand when getting down from an embankment. :?

Before we went out separate ways I suggested we do mini golf next and she liked the idea.

But I'm now concerned she thinks we're just friends.

Help?



Raleigh
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15 Jul 2018, 3:08 pm

Hugging. Ugh.


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BeaArthur
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15 Jul 2018, 3:27 pm

Just go and enjoy yourself. On a third date, it wouldn't be unusual for you to expect a little closeness. If she balks, don't get upset, but calmly ask her if she prefers no touching. Let her answer guide you.

If she truly only wants friends, will you continue to enjoy her company? Most autistic people could use another friend. If you are only interested in a romantic future, and she's not interested, you can politely say "we want different things, but it has been a pleasure getting to know you," and don't call her again.


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Kiprobalhato
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15 Jul 2018, 3:28 pm

it's not dating until you say you are.


if that's considered dating, then i'm dating the guitarist.


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Peacesells
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15 Jul 2018, 3:34 pm

Did you break up with your girlfriend in the end or is she still your girlfriend?



ehymw
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15 Jul 2018, 3:37 pm

Peacesells wrote:
Did you break up with your girlfriend in the end or is she still your girlfriend?


Me and my former girlfriend ended our relationship.



ehymw
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15 Jul 2018, 3:39 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Just go and enjoy yourself. On a third date, it wouldn't be unusual for you to expect a little closeness. If she balks, don't get upset, but calmly ask her if she prefers no touching. Let her answer guide you.

If she truly only wants friends, will you continue to enjoy her company? Most autistic people could use another friend. If you are only interested in a romantic future, and she's not interested, you can politely say "we want different things, but it has been a pleasure getting to know you," and don't call her again.


She really does seem nice and might have female friends she could introduce me to.....

She also mentioned to me having set up an online dating account and wanting to have kids....

Maybe she really just does prefer no contact.



AnonymousAnonymous
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15 Jul 2018, 6:59 pm

Just be patient and you'll eventually realize if this new relationship will continue on as strictly platonic or if it will grow to something romantic.


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17 Jul 2018, 8:47 am

Keep your options open.



SilverStar
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17 Jul 2018, 3:03 pm

ehymw wrote:
However she seemed uncomfortable when I hugged her hello and uncomfortable when I hugged her goodbye and didn't want to take my hand when getting down from an embankment. :?


Normally, when a girl behaves like this, I would assume she probably isn't interested, but considering this is an Aspie, it's really hard to tell. Keep on doing what you have been doing for awhile, and see where it goes, but don't get your hopes up. After awhile (maybe a month, or two), if you still haven't gotten anywhere, it would be a good time to let her know what your intentions are, and if she isn't interested romantically, I wouldn't keep pursuing it.



isloth
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18 Jul 2018, 2:56 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Just go and enjoy yourself. On a third date, it wouldn't be unusual for you to expect a little closeness. If she balks, don't get upset, but calmly ask her if she prefers no touching.
A lot of Aspies seem to have hypersensitivity to certain things, and touching might be a problem for her. I agree that you should ask, that could easily be the reason for such a strained reaction.


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rdos
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20 Jul 2018, 9:38 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
it's not dating until you say you are.


if that's considered dating, then i'm dating the guitarist.


Fine. That puts me firmly in the category "never dated". :D



gerjak
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20 Jul 2018, 11:40 pm

I always find a cool place for dating. I don't want that someone hampers me anymore.