The kind of guys I like, I don't think exist irl

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I'm bi but I only want to date women, after years of trying guys. I had one 'relationship' when I was young which was like a gay male one (and abusive, I was way too young for an age gap). Then I had ones where I had to play the feminine part.

I want a feminine guy who wants a masculine woman. I want to take charge.

All the guys I've liked haven't had good ideas of what boundaries were. The first guy actually said he didn't take no for an answer. Another one said he wanted to do bdsm and if I wanted to be in any sort of a relationship, platonic or otherwise, I had to go along with it. This was after he isolated me from everyone else. Another guy, I specifically set limits and said I didn't want that, again he isolated me then just started hitting me in a sexual way and threatening me in a non sexual way when I had nobody else to talk to. Yes, I had home but I was scared they'd 'ban' me from dating at all. The second two guys really liked me to dress feminine and guilted me when I wouldn't. I only feel comfortable dressing basically like a guy.

Thing is, I don't feel as if the sort of guy I'd want - who dresses more feminine than me, who respects boundaries, who lets me lead things - actually exists. So I don't get the point of being openly bi rather than saying I'm gay. All it leads to when I tell guys I'm into guys is pressure from guys I find unattractive to get into those sorts of relationships. I never found any of those three guys attractive physically, it just felt as if I 'had' to date them.

So what I'm wondering is, does anyone have any counter egs? Or anything I could do so that if I did get into a relationship with a guy it was what I wanted? Someone who respects me for being the way I am and doesn't break boundaries or try to isolate me from my friends and social contacts. I feel like this could be an aspie thing and could also all stem back to that first relationship (I was 13 and he was in his 30s, see what I mean by 'abusive')

I've had a long distance thing with a 'pretty boy' I suspect to be gay (it was literally just text flirtations) and a fling with similar but he kept trying to avoid me... I feel like straight guys just don't want to date anyone that masculine or who takes charge or even, the ones I attract, who sets boundaries and wants a 'no' to be respected.

So you want a guy who cross-dresses, and who "fems it up" more than you, but who would also be interested in you sexually ... ?

Somehow, the stereotypical Broadway Chorus Boy or cast member of La Cage aux Folles comes to mind.

They exist, but are not your "standard guy" so you would have to do some searching if you want your effeminate passive guy interested in a strong masculine women.

The real problem with your past relationships is that you have been dating awful guys. I suspect it's because either you aren't attracted to the all-around decent guy or the all-around decent guy is not attracted to you.

I’m more feminine and submissive but I dress like guy and like guy stuff. I’m just more emotional and not into getting dirty or manly stuff. Like muddling,or hunting, I’m not s physical guy, I’m quite weak. Don’t care how women dress.

I’d prefer w female lead relationship. But still treated equal with input. Most women I’ve seen want a strong dominant man.

Meh

Maybe straight male figure skaters?

Maybe you could date a transexual who was born a guy but hasn't fully converted to being a woman(still has his stuff in tack)

If ordinary clothing is not feminine enough, I am pretty sure that many boys would agree to dress in a more feminine fashion, if that was their gf's wish (I would do myself). They may need some advice in dressing though.

Is not it pretty common that a woman takes charge in a relationship? It is just not said explicitly. It just happens.

Basically it sounds like you could take some nerd guy from OKcupid and suggest him if he could change her clothing a bit.

Seriously not sorry for someone who was abused at 13 by an adult?

They do exist they just don't exist in Alabama or Lincoln or Govan.

I don't even want a drag queen, I just want a guy who recognises it's as f****d up to demand his gf shaves as that she demands it out of him. And that is actually attractive to me. You sound like a misogynist. Probably because of your autism to be fair, regular guys controlling a relationship is the default as far as I'm aware.