20 Feb 2019, 1:04 am
I(nt?) had a short and intense relationship with a man I met via mutual friends. It was an instant connection on both sides.
I was aware of him having either bp1 or schizoaffective disorder but not until after we broke up did I find out he has aspergers.
It's been a month since we have been in contact and I regret my words and defensive feelings/actions.
If I knew, I would have understood more and handled myself better.
Everything makes more sense now.
I think he didn't tell me because it was overwhelming for both of us dealing with one of our mural friends who became toxic. This "friend" would always joke about autism and it must have made him self conscious. He would also have trouble differentiating from what our friend said or myself sometimes. Maybe thinking I felt the same way.
I broke up with him and removed myself from the toxic ppl due to my own issues and thinking long term in regards to both our respected situations 
He and I stayed in touch. However, he would lie about it trying to please me and these ppl. This made me feel confused and sad.
It all got to much (I was emotionally fueled and defensive at this point) and the last msg from him was saying he needs space and that he cared deeply for me etc.
I did not react well to that and cut ties.
Both of us thinking the other one "disregarded" the other.
Even though I initiated the breakup I still very much care and feel for him. He was/is special and I regret some of my actions now. I'm sad and think about him more than I should. I doubt we will ever talk again and that sucks but its for the best.
If he only told me things would be different. I wouldn't have taken things so personally and at the least we could have remained on good terms.
This is mostly me venting as I have no one to talk to about this but if anyone has any similar stories or insight that would be welcomed.
20 Feb 2019, 9:51 am
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
20 Feb 2019, 10:00 am
I was aware of him having either bp1 or schizoaffective disorder but not until after we broke up did I find out he has aspergers.
It's been a month since we have been in contact and I regret my words and defensive feelings/actions.
If I knew, I would have understood more and handled myself better.
Everything makes more sense now.
I think he didn't tell me because it was overwhelming for both of us dealing with one of our mural friends who became toxic. This "friend" would always joke about autism and it must have made him self conscious. He would also have trouble differentiating from what our friend said or myself sometimes. Maybe thinking I felt the same way.
I broke up with him and removed myself from the toxic ppl due to my own issues and thinking long term in regards to both our respected situations
He and I stayed in touch. However, he would lie about it trying to please me and these ppl. This made me feel confused and sad.
It all got to much (I was emotionally fueled and defensive at this point) and the last msg from him was saying he needs space and that he cared deeply for me etc.
I did not react well to that and cut ties.
Both of us thinking the other one "disregarded" the other.
Even though I initiated the breakup I still very much care and feel for him. He was/is special and I regret some of my actions now. I'm sad and think about him more than I should. I doubt we will ever talk again and that sucks but its for the best.
If he only told me things would be different. I wouldn't have taken things so personally and at the least we could have remained on good terms.
This is mostly me venting as I have no one to talk to about this but if anyone has any similar stories or insight that would be welcomed.
Very sorry to hear about this unfortunate experience.
As a general rule, I avoid toxic people, and I'm not at all concerned about the "why" of toxicity. There's no good excuse to mistreat people. If you love someone enough and can keep that in view, that their actions are an illusion and you see the real person, AND you can handle day-to-day life with that person, it is at your own discretion how you proceed with the relationship. I know for me personally, especially based on experiences I've had with certain types of people, it's just not something I can handle. I admire you for your willingness to at least look past those kinds of faults and consider realistic ways of having a relationship with someone like that. For someone like me, love simply isn't enough.
I also want to be aware of my own faults in that regard. It's very easy to fall into the same bad habits of toxic people, and that negativity will spread through your life like a cancer if you don't shut it down immediately. Make a point of always staying positive, and surround yourself with positive people. People with AS or disabilities may not always be aware of a problem. So there's always a point in my life when I realize too late I've been a jerk. Having a confidant I trust to pull me aside and gently explain to me I'm being an @$$hole has been a huge help to me.
